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She lives in her own house with 24/7 aid. Whenever I visit she asks me what can I do? I just sit here all day I want something to do. I tried puzzles, books, magazines, even bought her crochet needles and yarn (used to do that years ago I thought long term memory would help) but she says her hands hurt her. I'm open to any suggestions.

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I think self directed activities can be hard. Can the Aide sit with her to do a puzzle together? Watch a short favorite comedy? Sit in the garden & discuss it?

What were her hobbies/interests when she was younger?
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Onlychildbutnot Oct 2020
She does watch TV but doesn’t want to sit all day and watch TV she gets bored and can’t sit still. She doesn’t like puzzles I tried that and the only hobby I can think of is crocheting that is why I bought the needles and yarn but she says her fingers hurt. She does fold clothes and watches the aid Garden. She loved to cook but doesn’t enjoy that anymore either.
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Give her washcloths or socks to fold, that's pretty common for dementia sufferers.
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Can she fiddle around with a fidget blanket? I know someone who loves her fidget blanket which she keeps on her lap.
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Onlychildbutnot Oct 2020
I never heard of that I will look it up thank you.
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Adult Coloring books? Picture books of something that interests her, landscapes, famous paintings, birds, elephants, there is any sort out there. Famous landmarks? National parks, turtles? Is there any place she wanted to visit and never did? Greece, Norway, Tanzania?
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Onlychildbutnot Oct 2020
I tried those books she says to me I’m not going to sit here and color. I tried to color with her but she just watches me.
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There are some beautiful VERY SIMPLE musical instruments on the market that require NO serious training, but make wonderful soothing sounds.

There are string instruments and bells that require very little finger use, that produce sweet gentle tones that are lovely.

WEST MUSIC has some that might catch her ear, and I’ll find a couple more web pages and post them.

As a trained musician, learning a new instrument and playing it EVERY SINGLE DAY has been a lifeline for me during these dreary discouraging months.

I hope some music may be a blessing to your mom!
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gladimhere Oct 2020
I LOVE that idea!

Did mom ever play an instrument, Only?
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Sorting socks
folding clothes
Folding towels
If you do not have an abundance of spare socks or towels pick up a bunch form a resale store.
Can you give her a bunch of magazines and have her cut out recipes?
She can then tape or glue the recipes to a piece of paper.
Is there a box of "stuff" in her attic or basement that she can go through and sort out items to "keep, toss, donate, sell" this project might bring back some memories as well so it could slow the project or if she has no connection to them it will be easy to go through the boxes.
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If she didn't do it before she probably will not be able to learn it now. Short term memory loss will not allow it. They can no longer comprehend or process. I go with giving her towels to fold and laundry. Maybe allow her to wash dishes or dry them. This was the hardest thing for me. I am not an entertainer. I personally don't like puzzles or games.
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BBS2019 Oct 2020
Agree completely JoAnn. She cannot learn any new skills. My mom did not have any hobbies or interests other than waiting on my dad hand and foot, and gossiping about family and neighbors. She admits that's what she liked to do. Highlight of her day was the extended cocktail hour with dad. Hated cooking and housekeeping. She did some fiction reading in the past, but with dementia, she cannot remember the plot lines so that's also out. Puzzles and games never interested her.

Folding laundry and basic household tasks are something she can do. But that's all done for her in her memory care unit. And that only takes a few minutes to do. It's hard to visit (not since COVID outbreak,) since there's nothing to talk about with her other than rehashing old memories and gossip over and over again.
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These two things work for my mother.

She loves to arrange flowers. So, I bought several floral plastic containers with foam inside, and a big load of plastic flowers from the dollar store. I separated each flower from the big stems, so each flower can be picked up individually. I placed the floral containers at 4 places round her room with the flowers. She then arranges the flowers on her own and really enjoys doing it. Once or twice a day, I undo the flower arrangements (when she's out of her room) so she can start again.

The other thing that I have her do is hang clothes. I take from her closet a couple dozens of her pants or shirts and pile them on her bed with the hangers next to them. I tell her that these are her newly laundered pants/shirts, and that she can put them on the hangers and then put them away in the closet. She does this everyday.

I like the sorting/matching socks idea. I'm going to try that next week.

I also plan to make a small fidget blanket to hang on the wall, one with lots of little flowers attached to the end of the zippers so she can move them up/down and sideways to rearrange them. Can't find anything like that online.

When I can supervise, I ask her to wash some dishes and sweep the floor. Then I redo the chores.
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NeedHelpWithMom Oct 2020
I think the fidget blankets are nice. No loose pieces to get lost. They can be used in bed or sitting in a chair or taken on a car ride.

They are kind of expensive to buy. I wonder what it would cost to make. I bet it would be fun to make.
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When I was in nursing there were times, in advanced dementia, that elderly women loved nothing so much as to be delivered a stack of unfolder wash clothes to fold for us when we made the plea "We are so busy. Could you help us? These need folding." They spent hours often enough, wrapped in the zen of feeling, folding, looking. It is amazing how often it worked when any "games" were way beyond them.
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Mepowers Oct 2020
I was going to say folding a stack of washcloths as well!
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Maybe you could have your mom dictate parts of her life story into a recorder. Even if some parts aren't quite accurate, (due to dementia), that's fine. The accurate parts can serve as a legacy for her friends and family, and the inaccurate parts can serve as creative story telling. I wrote a book about taking care of my mom with Alzheimer's entitled, "My Mother Has Alzheimer's and My Dog Has Tapeworms: A Caregiver's Tale," and I highlighted some of my mom's memories and accomplishments, (as well as some of her Alzheimer's-driven delusions). You might even find out some interesting information in the process, if your mom recounts her history. You could even write down some of the interesting parts and make a book out of it.
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Onlychildbutnot Oct 2020
That is a great idea! thank you!
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Dad took up coloring in the adult coloring books in his late 80s as dementia set in. He was adverse to it at first, but he was incredibly good at it and soon he was coloring for hours a day. This lasted for a maybe 5 or 6 months until the dementia took another step down.

Mom does really well sorting a big bowl of change into smaller bowls by coin. She also likes looking through boxes of greeting cards and sorting them by "type". We go to estate sales and pick up boxes of miscellaneous cards for a few dollars and this keeps her busy for hours.
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Beatty Oct 2020
I just love that card idea!

I have been known to spend way too much time in opportunity shops looking at old greeting cards... that's my sunset years sorted then 😁
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Coloring.
Have a schedule to call all the family members - different one each day.
Help aide with lunch and laundry.
Short Bible studies.
Record memories from her younger days and put photos with them.
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Have her pray for people. Maybe work in conjunction with a local church or synagogue.
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What are the 24/7 aides doing? You could work with them to help them to include your mother in the household routines. For example, meal preparation, doing the dishes, setting the table, folding laundry - anything and everything that your mother used to do when running her own show. There's almost always some part of the task that a person can manage, and it's not so much about their feeling "useful" as about not excluding them and making them feel completely helpless.

I talked about this with a lady of 92 who is being driven up the wall by having nothing to do. At first when we visited this home we were supporting her husband, even older, and we all thought he must be the most terrible tyrant because of how this sweet elderly lady scurried around fetching and carrying and cooking and cleaning. But now she's put her shoulder out, so she needs temporary support with personal care and rehab, and we see the truth of it - she just can't bear to sit still.
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I love the ideas posted here! I use fidget blankets with the young children I teach... many have attention and fine motor issues. My dad enjoyed sorting loose change and folding washcloths. I also love the earlier post on flower arranging. I’m going to remember this for my mom and for my classroom!
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NobodyGetsIt Oct 2020
"Sunnydayze,"

Prior to COVID when I used to attend an Alzheimer's support group, the group leader who was a retired nurse and did drug testing for employees at our largest utility company would make the fidget blankets and pass them out to those of us caregivers who wanted to give them to our loved ones and even though it wasn't an actual activity, it helped with giving them a sense of security - kind of like Linus carrying around his blanket in Charlie Brown and Snoopy programs.

I would think sorting change would be a good thing that a man would enjoy doing too.
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What about paint by number? Or watercolors?
My grandma plays solitaire on her tablet (I’ve tried other games and she can’t seem to figure them out) and paper organizing keeps her occupied as well.
My mother likes to cut things out of newspapers and magazines. She has her own purposes for it (unbeknownst to me) but you could create one for her, if she needs a reason.
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My mother liked using the shredder. She ground up many piles of junk mail and anything that wasn't needed anymore (old utility bills, old hospital bills, etc...). If it had a name and address on it and wasn't needed anymore, it became fodder. We cleaned out many old file cabinets this way and got rid of so much unnecessary paperwork long before she passed. The best part is that she really was being helpful.
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Seniorsurfin28 Oct 2020
What a fantastic idea! My mother is 92, moved in with me in May, has some moderate dementia, and fingers won't straighten due to rheumatoid autoimmune disorder. She has had several falls in the past 2-3 years, breaking 2 ribs last January, so she needs to be seated when she's doing anything. She always asks if she can help when I'm in the kitchen, but there's just not a lot she can do.
I have a ton of shredding that needs to be done. My grandkids do it sometimes when they are here, but this would be perfect for Mama.
Thanks so much for this idea!
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My dad has dementia too. He often feels useless. I give him small tasks like folding dish towels and wash cloths or socks. I go on and on about how much help that is to me.
I also give him the task of clearing the table after meals. I will use paper plates so he can help. He does a pretty good job if I set the trash can near him. He can also help make sandwiches if I walk him through it.
There are many tasks that dementia patients can do.
Look at the shelves in the hobby shop, try scrapbooking. Print up pictures and buy some emblems, she might like putting scrapbooks together. The memories are good for her too.
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NobodyGetsIt Oct 2020
Dear "lauramay,"

I really like how you've helped your dad be involved with your own daily tasks making it a win-win for the both of you. It made me smile thinking of him helping you while you walk him through it as needed!

You've been doing so good with your dad -
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Onlychildbn, does your mom use any topical treatment for the pain in her hands? If she doesn't it might be painful for her to hold crayons or puzzle pieces. I think that I would have the aid put something that relieves her pain on a couple times a day with a nice chat and hand massage.

I do think that individuals get to a point that they need prompting and instructions for the simplest tasks. Like they forget how to hold a pen or zip a zipper type thing and then they can not articulate their needs. Most challenging part for me is figuring out what they can actually do, regardless of what they say.

How it your moms mobility? Could she run a chargeable sweeper? That needs to be done daily and is good exercise if she can stand and walk.

What about a feather duster? You could get one with an extended handle if she can not stand and she could do it seated.

My dad was always a working man, so just passing time only works to annoy him. He has to feel like he is working and that is a challenge. Perhaps your mom feels similar?

Is she able to write? Maybe doing little hello cards for the local nursing home to brighten others days would motivate her.

Can you buy reams of colored paper and have her color code them. Like 1 pink, 1 green, 1 white, 1 blue, 1 yellow all the way through? Then have her separate them by color. Since reams are 500 sheets this could be a project that she is doing for the local school or preschool and she is helping a teacher?

I hope that you find something that makes her feel productive.
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NobodyGetsIt Oct 2020
"Is thisrealyreal,"

I think you offered some real good suggestions beginning with giving her a hand massage using pain relief cremes. I use the Aspercreme with Lidocaine version.

The "hello" cards for local nursing homes to brighten others is an excellent idea along with the color coding reams of colored paper for maybe a preschool. Both those activities would take up quite a bit of time helping to pass the day!
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The thing about having dementia is that the person may want to do things, but, their brain no longer allows them to stay focused on the task. Of course, it depends on the level of progression, but, in many people who have dementia, old hobbies don't hold their interest and they are incapable of learning new skills. The normal brain function that is required to turn a page, press a button, lay down the paper, etc. doesn't work right. So, unless, there is a person nearby, directing them on what to do, they get lost or confused. Would her aid be able to supervise some activities? I'm not sure if you're visiting right now due to covid, but, if so, I'd observe how she manages things in person and get the aid to help her with a couple of things to gauge her abilities.
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Try using her mind while she can recall things. Pull out old photos and have her identify who they are and write it down on the back or scan and save as the names.

Her recollection may or may not be accurate, but get as much info out as you can. This is your family history!

You can go to Family Search or Ancestry and verify the facts later. Even if her memory isn’t totally accurate, what she says will give you hints to the truth.

Names
Dates
Places
Stories behind the events - birthdays, weddings, births, family reunions, divorces, deaths

What a wonderful thing to do is create memories and share those memories with your family! They will become priceless!
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Onlychildbutnot Oct 2020
Its funny that you said this because last November she had a flood in her basement. We had the whole basement redone and we were able to clean out and throw out a lot. Boxes and boxes of old pics and my mother said to me here take this pic home it you when you were a baby... its was not me. That is when I started watching her help me clean. she went threw the same box of picture 5 and 6 times as tho it was the first time she went threw it. Telling me to throw these out she didn't know who they were and didn't know why they were in her basement. It was amazing to watch it as it was unbelievable and sad. So although a great idea I feel she is beyond this but thank you.
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My mom had dementia and she loved coloring, folding towels and folding the plastic bags you get at the market at
checkout. Sometimes I would throw clean towels in the dryer and have her fold them while they were warm. She loved it and she felt needed. I always thanked her and told her I hate folding towels. I miss her everyday.
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I find that my mom likes to do things that are useful -- to me, of course. I got her to cut out patterned material which I then took home and made masks. I always show them to her when they're finished - she loves it. Don't expect too much, Mom goes to sleep about 20 minutes in. I had her starting seeds in her room in a planter with dirt. As they grew, I would remove them and go plant them. Most did not make it but she didn't know that. I just bought plants at a nursery and told her they were her seedlings. She too can no longer crochet or knit, so it's hard. Glad you asked this question.
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Try coloring books. There are some really nice one's for adults. I've found some at Target & Target. My Mom has dementia and she loves coloring. Don't forget the colored pencils. Hope this helps.
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Having useful work can be very calming. It can be something as simple as folding plastic grocery bags, even if you need to sit with her and prompt.

If she actually wants to crochet, there are ergonomic crochet hooks available with soft, fat grips. You will need to start the first few rows for her. Chose a solid, light color yarn that’s easy to see. Start lap blanket (~3x4 feet) in simple double crochet so there’s no need to count or follow a pattern. My grandmother, a life-long crocheter who was seldom without a project to work on, made many simple blankets this way.

Eventually Gram was reduced to just winding skeins of yarn into balls. It was a familiar task and it satisfied her need to work after she could no longer crochet. You can donate the balls (with the original labels) or unroll the balls into a dishpan or bucket to be rewound. Several colors of yarn make for a satisfying display of a job well done.

Gram was of the generation that was never idle. I remember her telling how she’d do her ironing in the afternoon while watching her soap opera. If she finished before the end of the program, she’d iron diapers to justify the time.

Shredding papers is fantastic. When dad lived with me we even took in papers from neighbors. In some places, you can recycle the shreds. I used it as bedding in the chicken coop, where it composted nicely.
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disgustedtoo Oct 2020
Great idea with the shreds! No one will EVER try to piece them back together to "steal" your info!!!
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It sounds like she may have some arthritis in her hands. I use a natural cream from Living Well that helps sore muscles and joints called Rub On Relief. But I'm sure there are other products out there too that may help. If you could decrease the pain she has in her hands it would make a huge difference in what she can do.
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can she fold simple things like towels........they aren't as tiny as crochet.  how about watching some "old" movies?  looking at some old pictures.  its hard to get them involved. wishing you luck.
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At my Mom's memory care, they encourage the residents to fold towels, pillow cases, etc. When she first arrived 3 years ago she said, "I pay them enough, I should not have to do that!" We all enjoyed a laugh. She does help them "sort" buttons, socks, greeting cards, colored 3x5 index cards in whatever fashion she wants. She seem to like arranging artificial flowers in different containers. Her facility has the advantage of group activities, rolling a ball back and forth, following the director in chair exercises, playing bingo and singalongs. In a private home there is much less stimulation. My heart breaks with each skill she can no longer use, she has reached the point where she has no idea who she is, where she is, who I am and gratefully what is going on in the world. I have not seen her up close since March. Her memory, sight and hearing are so bad " virtual visits" don't work. Sorry to say, in time your Mom will possibly not be able to express her need to feel useful.
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Onlychildbutnot Oct 2020
She said the same thing to me now with the "I pay them enough". I have an aid there 24/7 because I fear for her safety. She tells me she just sits there and watches TV all day and is bored. The aid handed her a bushel of her clean clothes to fold and she told her she was tired. When I visit its I'm bored can I help you do anything. It is just so sad to see my mom like this she was such a strong woman she took care of my dad with diabetes and parkinson disease and she was so sharp she gave him his insulin and pill every 4 hrs its just amazing after his death with in 2 years to see such a decline. I'm so glad I get to vent on this forum because I do not want to burden my children with this. Thank you again
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When my dad had dementia, he loved placing batteries in/out of flashlights until they worked. He'd also chew gum & use a squeeze ball while listening to his favorite music as dementia increased.
My mom is not as far along with her dementia, so she finds tasks like these boring. She lives in assisted living but doesn't play along with their ideas. She cleans, cleans, & cleans to pass her time & feel useful. Being lonely simply enhances her complaining, unhappy nature. I've searched for activities but unless she's "working on her chores", she's absolutely bored & miserable. Thanks all for suggestions & praying for you, OnlyChildbn.
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Think of a very young child - what would you give him/her to do to keep occupied? --- that is safe. It is the same situation. Have her organize something that doesn't need to be organized. Have her fold napkins or towels.
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