Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Refusing help is just quicker & easier. Easier to say NO than make reasoned explainations. But refusing can mean many things...
I don't WANT that. I don't THINK we need that. You children are interfering - WE are the ADULTS & know best. I am in control here!!
Or... I don't understand. I am overwhelmed. I don't know who to call, what to say, how to arrange any help. I am getting confused.
Make it simple for them. * You need some help. * We can help you arrange it. * Having some help will keep you in your home longer. * Or you can move into Assisted Living.
#1 Age in place or #2 Age in another place (assisted living)
Repeat this speech over & over, every call, every visit. Wear them down.
Basically: accept change now or change will be forced onto you.
Even with mild cog impairment or dementia, some will see the sense (or even be slightly relieved), trust you to steer them right & choose to change their mind - to accept your help.
Others do not. Fear, confusion, paranoia mingle you do indeed have to wait for a crises to force change.
Why not give #1 a go first?
If no good - await the crises, then #2.
There is also #3 Age in place (YOU provide all the 'assisted' part). You take over everything they can no longer do to keep them happy at home. This can start small but ⚠️ this has mission creep!
Maybe paying bills online or arranging groceries delivered?
Can work well. But can blow out to cook, clean, meds, groceries, bills, home maintenance, transport. This can lead to you moving in (or them with you). Then you fall over with stress & they are placed into care anyway.
Thank you for your answer. Some of the siblings have discussed both #1 & 2. The others refuse to acknowledge they need help. No one has POA or any info on finances. They trust no one. I’m afraid #2 is going to be what happens when they have no choice. We want to try to mitigate it but they will not listen.
Can you tell us what's currently going on with them that is worrisome? The forum participants may be able to give you some helpful suggestions in the interim to buy some time while you figure out a more permanent solution.
I should mention we do not live near them so our info is second hand. Not taking meds insisting they did, unplugging the emergency alert system, thinking things are missing and being stolen. Angry outbursts, not knowing heating oil ran out. Thinking everyone is out to get the and place them in a nursing home.
Or, you wait for a crisis to occur, have one or both shipped off to the hospital/ER for treatment, sent to rehab to recover and then the rehab will refuse to release them back to independent living. That is when THEY have NO other choice but to be placed in managed care or have 24/7 help inside their home. Sometimes, this is the only way to force help on elders who refuse it themselves.
You say they refuse help. If they both have dementia it may be good to have APS do wellness check. If guardianship is required then it will be time to discuss with family both who is capable of this and who wishes to do this job. It is a massive job if placement is required and it is against their will.
i think that having a 3rd party evaluate the safety and living conditions would be helpful. I know they would not allow someone in and the sibling that is local would not insist they allow it. It is a bad situation all around. Thank you for your answer.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
But refusing can mean many things...
I don't WANT that. I don't THINK we need that. You children are interfering - WE are the ADULTS & know best.
I am in control here!!
Or... I don't understand. I am overwhelmed. I don't know who to call, what to say, how to arrange any help. I am getting confused.
Make it simple for them.
* You need some help.
* We can help you arrange it.
* Having some help will keep you in your home longer.
* Or you can move into Assisted Living.
#1 Age in place or
#2 Age in another place (assisted living)
Repeat this speech over & over, every call, every visit. Wear them down.
Basically: accept change now or change will be forced onto you.
Even with mild cog impairment or dementia, some will see the sense (or even be slightly relieved), trust you to steer them right & choose to change their mind - to accept your help.
Others do not. Fear, confusion, paranoia mingle you do indeed have to wait for a crises to force change.
Why not give #1 a go first?
If no good - await the crises, then #2.
There is also #3 Age in place (YOU provide all the 'assisted' part).
You take over everything they can no longer do to keep them happy at home. This can start small but ⚠️ this has mission creep!
Maybe paying bills online or arranging groceries delivered?
Can work well. But can blow out to cook, clean, meds, groceries, bills, home maintenance, transport. This can lead to you moving in (or them with you). Then you fall over with stress & they are placed into care anyway.
Take care with option 3.
and place them in a nursing home.
Good luck!