I have been married for 20 years and am 20 years younger than my husband. He has moderate dementia as well as depression . I feel like I’m drowning. I am a very young 64 year old and teach aerobics and yoga and live on a boat for 4 months a year. My husband needs more social stimulation and doesn’t have the ability or desire to go out and make new friends or get involved with volunteer opportunities. He actually may not be able to with the dementia. His attention span is very very short. I am his caregiver and he doesn’t want me to leave the house. He wants to move back to his hometown to be with his friends who are not already dead. Our lives are growing in two different directions and I love him but I don’t want to give up my life before I have to. I feel like I’m too young to go into an assisted living home both physically and mentally.
I am at a real crossroad in my life and need some direction.
If not, get this man you call husband the care he needs and be the advocate he deserves, as all people that have lost capacity deserve.
What you decide will be very telling about what kind of person you are.
Thats the Opening narrative of the 1963 episode called “A short drink from a certain fountain.”
Harmons wife was named Flora. She, too, was frustrated with him not taking her on a boat.
Flora, take your winnings from this marriage and go enjoy yourself in Antarctica.
Some argue most live life in quiet desperation.
When he gets to an end stage of dementia, he will more than likely need a facility. Start your investigation now so that you have some idea of what you're going to do. For now you could try in home help.
His family see him once every 2 or 3 months although they live close by.
I visited many Al's. I took advice from knowledgeable friends. I investigated meds and met with a psychiatric nurse for his depression and behaviors. I made sure that I liked the AL place and would like being with him there. I made the decisions. He did not want to go to AL. It was difficult. He thought I was abandoning him.
I have POA. This is my job. I also still love him even though he is not the same man I used to love.
With him in AL I can have respite in my own space at home. I can see friends and my granddaughter in my home. None of his friends come to see him in his AL. Some are unable for health reasons. Most just drifted away. He has me...I go everyday. And he has good staff who make connections with him for their tasks...dining wait staff. meds, room cleaning.
i am a young 76, still travelling and hiking. I would do more and more often and be more active in more activities but for the fact that I am emotionally tied to him. My decision. I manage my own emotions and help him with his as well.
You have to work this out for you in a way you can live with. It's not easy managing what you need balanced with what he will need as he continues to decline. Decline can be very fast or last many years. Get busy making good decisions before a crisis hits. It is good that you asked for help. Keep asking because the dementia progression changes over time. Take care to decide now what you and he will need next week or next year. And be flexible enough for a very bumpy ride. I send you lots of good wishes.