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Hi what your husband has sounds very much like what my husband has . Frontotemporal degeneration or as some call it Frontotemporal dementia This disease changes the persons personality as well as ability to comprehend or remember things it is a slow shutting down of the brain Please check into this it will get worst I had to learn about this the hard way because it is often misdiagnosed if you want to ask me any questions please fill free
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RainyDay51 Mar 2020
You are absolutely right. FTD is one of the worst dementias to have, yet not easily diagnosed. The only blessing - if there is one - is that it progresses far faster than other dementias. Not that its good to lose your loved one sooner. But to see their personality disintegrate and their life changed into something you know they'd never EVER want is totally painful. It pierced me to the heart that this awful disease took my loved one from me. It's heartbreak that will probably last a lifetime. We had a wonderful marriage until FTD robbed my husband of his brain - and very rapidly at that. After diagnosis, he only lasted a year. I pray that you have strength on this awful road.
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When we marry our partners it is a commitment you make and that includes in sickness and health. My advice is to keep working with the drs and addressing the problem. Perhaps they can recommend some in house care to give you a break when you need it. Good luck to you and yours.
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You won’t like any answer, but go to your family doctor. There are basic tests, simple to administer.
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Take him to a neurologist.
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A neuropsychological evaluation is a 3-4 hour testing process that a specially trained psychologist performs. It can be done serially over time to measure changes in functioning in various cognitive areas . A neurologist at a reputable center can write a referral for this. It has been helpful in our family for my husband who has Essential Tremor and Mild Cognitive Impairment .
A Speech therapist is another professional who works with people who have memory and attention deficits . A speech therapist can objectively evaluate function and offer concrete exercises and advice.
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64 answers and no reply from OP yet.
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There are many things that can cause brain fog including sleep apnea and lyme disease. It also sounds as if your husband is a perfect example of a lifetime of attention deficit disorder which now compounded with something else. He might need to use the CPAP machine for longer to see how he benefits from it. Other conditions can also result in low oxygenation, like a too low heart rate. My mom's energy level and memory improved when she had a pacemaker implanted when she was 64 years old. Even B-12 deficiency could be to blame for forgetfulness. My point is that he needs a thorough work-up. In the meantime, why not tape the counseling sessions or video record so that he can refer to the session?
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I totally feel your pain. Though none of us wants to face it, when our loved one is behaving differently enough for other people to notice, it's a huge sign. Even if your husband was scatterbrained (etc.) in the past, he seems way worse now. Your husband is not doing these things on purpose, though it may feel like it to you sometimes. The whole concept of dementia and how it affects EVERYTHING is foreign to most of us until we experience it through a loved one. Thyroid problem or not, it sounds like some or even several forms of dementia may be at play here. And also sad to say, going to a marriage counselor may be helpful for you but please don't expect your husband to change or even to remember what was said. It's a very painful thing for him to realize his mind is leaving him, though he may not realize it. As time goes by, he will become less aware of it. I went through this firsthand when my husband received a diagnosis of FTD and aphasia - which meant he could not understand and had trouble finding words. His whole personality changed drastically and over the course of the year that followed, he ended up in a psychiatric hospital and then memory care. I also realized we would never have the same type of wonderful marriage that we had enjoyed for 32 years. Still, I spent time (hours) with him every day because I knew on some level, he knew I was there even if he could no longer hold a conversation. It was the most difficult time of my life without a doubt. God mercifully took him in October of 2017 and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him and miss him. Dementia - whatever form it takes - is a thief with many victims. This forum is very helpful so come back often.
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If you love the bloke, then you need to roll with the issues... Seriously.. you are not going to change him.. nope... it's in his DNA... why can't you go to the store and purchase those 3 little items? really... 3 items is not something you argue about. Do you drive? Has he had a driving test latelly? My brother had early onset ALZ.. OR aphasia... Not sure what killed him... He was 60... Our oldest brother says that I am next... Happy happy joy joy...
I am realizing, that when we argue, and it is just the same crap.. I walk away.. It's quieter that way...
I am the one who snores,he snores, pets snore, who do you love? Go take a walk, think about the argument? Is it worth the effort of arguing? I don't know. This is when I shout out : SQUIRREL !! what just happened the dog looks around.... WHERE?
Hope you two have your orders.. living trust, dnr polst, POA... etc.. If not, think about it... Don't argue... get it done.... If he refuses, talk with a law counselor, bank, PARALEGAL.... go to office depot, or online, and find some information. get it done now before he really doesn't realize what's going on.
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DonnieJean Mar 2020
Thank you. I am working on the paperwork. I think the most difficult thing for me was realizing he wasn't the same man I thought I married. I hope you know what I mean. I'm not talking about the way he looks or walks or talks. I'm referring to his personality. He has alway been laid back, but now he is super laid back, almost as if he is depressed, but he is on a antidepressent. I truly want the best for him, I just feel like I'm lost out in the woods without knowledge of where to go.
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My heart goes out to you. Much of your husband's behavior is like my husband's. I agree with the answers suggesting Asperger's. (Now called "On the Autism Spectrum....a bit clumsy). My husband was diagnosed with Asperger's 15 years ago, about 3 years after we married. Last year, while hospitalized the nurses all thought he was in early dementia. His doctor agrees, but so far no one has been able to get him to consent to an evaluation. I think it is both dementia and Asperger's now. It's hard to tell which is going on some times. It doesn't matter really. The frustration, confusion, and heartbreak are there for US, the spouse. It took time, but I've learned to not respond to just about everything until I have thought of a perfect benign response. Which sometimes isn't even required.
You have your hands full, but there is tremendous support here. I encourage you to continue to read and write here. Some of the information is priceless, and there is more caring than by many professionals. Hang in there.....many hugs to you.
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cak2135 Mar 2020
I was found to have Asperger's in 2008. It really knocked me for a loop; I thought I would have to go off to a group home but I got to live in a nice apartment with two female cats when my sister and I sold the house we lived in and moved to an apartment complex just up the road. I now live in another complex on a really good corner with one girl cat now; the other two are no longer in this life but they have a place in my heart. I've had counseling to come to terms with having Asperger's; a lot of them can be clever, articulate, sing well, cook well, do anything they like. They just have a funky character flaw
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WOW! Reading through this discussion has been interesting, and I tend to identify most with those who suggested neuropsychological evaluation and the possibility of traumatic brain injury. My husband began manifesting symptoms of short-term memory loss following his subdural hematoma in 2003, which gradually worsened over a 10-year period. Then something else called Wernecke-Korsakoff Syndrome entered the picture. It's a caused by alcohol abuse, which depletes the body of vitamin B1, resulting in a comatose state termed Wernecke's encephalopathy -- which can be lethal and requires hospitalization/massive B1 infusions for about 5 days. Hand in hand with this is the "alchol dementia," Korsakoff's psychosis, which endures and worsens despite replenishing the B1 loss. Having had two serious Werneke's episodes, my husband's dementia progression has been slow, but steady, since 2014. This might be something to look into should alcohol abuse be a factor.
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DonnieJean Mar 2020
Thank you, but my husband hasnt used alcohol in 35 years. When he did use it, it was only on weekends, like on a Saturday night. So I don't think he would be a candidate.
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Maybe ADD?
i spent 16 yrs with Someone like this but they were also drinking pretty heavily so I passed it off as drinking but after he stopped drinking for over a year the symptoms were still there and he does have severe ADD check it out
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2020
Exactly what I was thinking too.
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I empathize with your situation. My 80 year old hubby has developed some of the same symptoms. He has trouble with multiple concepts, for example, if I tell him to open the door and turn off the light, he will shut the door and leave the light on. My only suggestion would be to just tell him one thing at a time and give him time to process what you have said. Also, maybe he should have a CT scan to check for a brain tumor.
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DonnieJean Mar 2020
Yes, I know exactly what you are talking about.
He did have an MRI ordered from the neurologist. Something strange happened about 5 years ago. He was having trouble with his right arm because he took the cast off before it completely healed when he was about 12. It had always been a minor handicap up until about 10 years ago, then it became a major handicap. So they did some testing on his arm and legs. The response we received from the testing doctor was, "You are wired strangely."
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Donniejean, it sounds like you are in the *in-between*. A nurse told me once it's like changing boats mid stream - one foot in each boat, trying to balance, scared, not sure to stay where you were or go forward.

Hang in there. The current round of med tests may find something that starts to help you navigate which boat to be in - where you are (with this new version of your DH) or a whole new boat on a different sea.
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You don’t need to go “from dr to dr.” Go to one whim you trust, and let him/her know in advance what your concerns are.
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Look into Auditory Processing. It is a disability where what a person hears does not sink into memory. It is a new diagnosis for kids now a days. That does not mean that Dementia may not be a part of this. The fact that this has been going on for many years a DR should look a little closer.
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