My father's wife left him when his health declined. My dad gave my cousin POA over his finances and I take care of him at my home. She took him to update his will and living trust after my dad's wife left him, which was her idea and I didn't think much of it. Now that my father needs extra care and companionship while I'm at work and she doesn't want to provide the cash to my dad. The funds are going to pay for more hours for his companion and she only allows him to spend $100 a week on outing and means.. He loves to go out to see his friend at the community center and go to lunch with them with his caregiver. I want to make him happy, but she always says no. He has asked me to take over as POA, but he was diagnosed with dementia after he updated the will and living trust. It doesn't sound like she will give up the POA so easily, not sure if there is a different motive behind it. She visits my Dad once a week and she always complains what a hassle it is. I asked her to hand the finance over, but she says she will think about it because this is too much for her and she is always threatening to "throw in the towel". But she never does and I don't think she will. Can there be anything done here?
1. Next time she complains, or states the chores are too much for her, sweetly and politely ask her WHEN, not IF, she plans to withdraw. Don't mention substitution with someone else, as that may make her reconsider.
2. Read this article on misuse of POA authority, and consider hiring an elder law or probate attorney with contested issue experience. Probate attorneys may have more experience in this (and with litigation) than general elder law attorneys.
https://www.hg.org/legal-articles/misusing-someone-s-poa-is-that-fraud-or-elder-abuse-43505
3. I assume you're documenting everything she does that's out of line? If not, start, today. You can use this to support the claim that she's not in compliance with the best needs of your father, and perhaps get her removed. That would involve court proceedings though if she refused to go gently, but it would be worth it to get her out of the picture and get better care for your father.
4. One of the2 big concerns I would have is (a) involving herself in estate planning documentation, and changes thereto, and (b) limitation of interaction with friends. This is a major issue for some people, and she could be isolating him to the point of negative reactions. If he's able to visit, he needs to be able to do so and maintain social interaction,
Good luck; please keep us up to date on your progress.
I would use an attorney, preferably a certified elder law attorney, www.nelf.org is where you will find one near him.
His money is for his care and you need to keep records of what needs are not being met because the POA isn't releasing funds.
Send ALL communication in writing and save copies. Outline very specifically what he needs and how much it costs. Make it hard for her to say no. When she does, that's when an attorney can send a letter questioning her actions.
Of course, this only applies if your dad is to far gone to understand creating a new POA.
It is a headache which is part of the reason why it is a means of last resort.
He may advise you whether he thinks you could apply for guardianship of your father.
I think you also should ask all that being guardian entails and it is a legal fiduciary responsibility you cannot mess up. If your Father is well enough and understands enough to be in court, to say he wishes you, his daughter, to be his guardian, you have a good chance of winning.
However, if there are things we don't know, reasons already that a Cousin was made POA by your Dad, and not you, then you need to be forthright with the attorney as well about THAT. Because if you lose the plea for guardianship your father's estate doesn't pay the bill for this court case.