I am caring for an aging parent at the end of life from terminal small cell lung cancer. At diagnosis, it was already Stage 4 and treatment was rejected. This was several months ago. I have two other siblings who know nothing of this diagnosis or the fact that death is near. One lives out of state and talks to our parent mostly on holidays and birthdays. The other sibling lives a couple hours away, but due to family estrangement they don't speak. When the diagnosis was given, I was told that I am in no way shape or form to say anything to anyone. Not to family, not to neighbors, etc. I respected that wish and asked a few times throughout this process if that was still the case. My parent had full mental capacity throughout and quite frankly, I see it that is was not my business to tell and I am sure there were reasons for that decision. However, I am going to have to make these difficult phone calls when they did not even know that there was a terminal illness. How would you approach this? It is a very bad burden to have to carry.
i can guarantee you that if I was dying I would not tell anyone until I absolutely had to.
However ask yourself for whose benefit do you feel the need to break this agreement and why. If you are truly worried about family finding out after the fact then you should speak with your parent about releasing you from this obligation. Perhaps you may find that your parent will seek help through a third party only
This is a burden to carry, no doubt, I am sorry you are in this position.
When making that call about passing, do not offer that he has been quite sick and wanted it kept private. If they ask just answer the short answer that he wanted it private that he was sick.
There may not even be any anger or hurt, but be ready to let them vent and walk away.