Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
I have a daughter that at 35 has chose to stay single. If she were to marry she doesn't want kids. This is her choice. I am older than ur Mom and have 2 grandsons by my older daughter. If she had planned on having none, it wouldn't have bothered me.

Stop explaining to Mom. Its actually none of her business. When an Aunt kept asking my SIL when she was having kids, SIL told her Aunt would be the first to know. SIL never had kids. Why, I have no idea. That is something between her and my

You are smart in not making any huge decisions. I wouldn't even buy a house with this man. If you feel he is BiPolar, then maybe u should suggest he see a dr. Meds can help. Know when to walk away from the relationship.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Please do not ever consider the idea of having a child to please family, society, etc. This is a very great responsibility ....I would just walk away if someone started this on me. Would not even dignify this intrusion with any kind of discussion.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

For me this isn't really an elder care issue. As you are new to this Forum I hope you will continue out your search a bit in hopes of finding a Forum better suited to your problems of relationship issues and whether or not to have children.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
lealonnie1 Feb 2021
Her mother is a senior and she is clearly having an issue with her! Fits the A.C criteria perfectly in my book! 😁
(7)
Report
Have your Mom do what I did (when it is safe) and volunteer in nursery at church or at hospital. We have four grandchildren and none of them want children. We understand and would never put pressure on them. We celebrate their pets!
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I think your "pushy" mom is the least of your worries. You(and her) should be more concerned that you are choosing to stay with a man who is abusive to you. Do you not feel that you deserve better, or that no one else will love you? Please never tolerate any kind of abuse from anyone, and seek counseling if necessary. You don't ever want to bring an innocent child into an abusive relationship. Perhaps if your mom understood this, she wouldn't keep pestering you. Might be time to be more honest with your mom, about your abusive relationship with your boyfriend, and then please get rid of him.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

"Having a baby has completely improved my relationship and made my life easier" SAID NO WOMAN EVER.

You can stop trying to reason with her since it's obvious that's never going to work. When she launches in change the subject abruptly to something totally unrelated. If she keeps going back to it just keep changing the subject. Is she escalates, walk out of the room, put in ear buds or whatever blocks her. This is called "extinguishing" a behavior. Good luck!
Helpful Answer (13)
Report

I would encourage her to become a foster parent and then she won't have time to harp at you about procreating.

Why would you stay with an abusive man? You deserve better than wondering what next or if you will survive the next round of abuse.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

The decision of whether to have a child or not is yours not anyone else including your mother. Tell her you no longer want to talk about it - subject is closed! But first what is more important is ending the relationship with your current boyfriend.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

You don't want to make her understand, you want her to agree with you - but she doesn't agree. Not about this.

It doesn't matter. Your mother can bore the pants off you on this subject but nothing she says or does can make you want to get pregnant. Tell her that if you like, but otherwise just let it be.

PS Ditch the boyfriend.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Forget what your mom says and leave the boyfriend!!
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

Get out of the abusive relationship.

Walk out when your mother starts the baby talk.

Your mother sounds a little "off". Pay no attention to her rants. Forge your own path to happiness.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

Good grief, if your relationship is rocky, kids certainly won't make it any smoother!

I have often said you need a strong marriage to survive children!

I'm more concerned with your boyfriend. Has he been diagnosed with bipolar disorder? It is a terrible disease. A few of my co-workers had wives with bipolar disorder. One wife killed herself, leaving her husband with their young daughter. One wife spent so much money on mail-orders -unbeknownst to her husband, since she had everything delivered to her work address and rented several storage units - they had to file for bankruptcy. My uncle was also bipolar, and ended up with a compulsive hoarding disorder, since he stopped taking medication once he retired from the Navy. He died alone in his house surrounded by his hoard.

If you intend to forge out a life with this man, I think you need to lay it on the line - either he gets professional help for his mental problems, whatever they are, or you walk. And even then, be ready for the long haul through life - one of the reasons bipolar disorder is so difficult is the patient has to forever be tweaking medications, and from my understanding it's a lot of trial and error.

As far as mom goes - tell her you are DONE with the kid conversation. When she brings it up either 1) hang up or 2) leave. Tell her you will talk to her again once she can get over her obsession with kids.

Good luck!
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

You simply can’t make your mother or anyone else do or understand anything. Her beliefs will always be her own. But the good news is that you’re an adult and you don’t have to discuss your choices with anyone, mom included. Don’t talk about it again, it’s an endless loop that you’ve already answered. Don’t listen to it, leave when the subject comes up. And though you didn’t ask, and I’m a total stranger, it’s my hope for you that you’ll get out of an abusive relationship and choose a better life for yourself than that. You deserve it!
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

She sounds just like my former MIL. She constantly asked when I was going to have babies for her. Yes, she said "babies for her". I already had a child when I married her son and after a few months of her comments, i turned and told her I was not having any more children and that was that. Now we were planning to have kids, but her nagging got to the point of creepy.

She was thrilled when I gave birth a few days before our 4th anniversary, but got right pissy when I was not dropping everything to travel for 1/2 a day to bring the baby to her. She easily could have come to us, but nope she did not want to. She got into a right snit when my former father in law and his new wife and step daughters came out from England to see us, before she saw the baby.

After a month or so we traveled to see her and she immediately started in on when was I going to give her another baby. Good God woman, I had not fully recovered from the birth.

You have the right to say..."Mum I will not discuss my decision to not have a child with you." If she starts up, leave the conversation, walk away, hang up the phone etc. It is part of putting boundaries in place.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
disgustedtoo Feb 2021
Yikes! Clone of my former MIL???

I was the vessel that brought forth the grandchildren. Her own daughter never had kids, didn't want them.

Getting snitty when they don't get their way? Yup. Days before my son was born, she called asking us to come for Easter. I didn't realize it at the time, but the backache I had at the time of the call was early contractions (most of both births were back labor - yuck!) I tried to politely decline. When I said I wasn't feeling up to it, she wanted her son (my ex later) and my daughter to come, without me. Yup, it's Easter, so you can sit at home alone while we yuck it up! I should give my boy a little bonus... His timing was perfect, and ensured NONE of us went to their place for Easter!

She ALSO got VERY pissy when her ex showed up and wanted to meet with his grown kids (don't know the details, but he was out of the picture - I suspect SHE made sure of that!) So, the 3 of them met up with him. Later he came here, and first time met with me and the ex. She had eyes and ears about town, so she was aware and unhappy about it. When baby #1 came, he and his wife came back and we met at the motel they were in. Again, she heard about it and the SH!T hit the fan! The final straw was him coming to our house after baby #2, around Xmas. Oh BOY! I think it was SIL who told mom (although she'd been schmoozing often with him, to get him to leave her all kinds of things, such as his car, mechanic tools, etc.) Next thing I know, we're being summoned for a summit at their house. I declined. I said this is between you, your mother and step father. LEAVE ME OUT OF IT. That man did NOTHING to me and I'm not going to slam the door in his face. No clue what went on, but didn't care. I don't recall ever hearing any more about it. Her big thing was he hasn't earned the right to be a grandparent... Right? Genetically he IS the grandfather. What does he have to do to "earn" that? No, the issue was she was extremely selfish and didn't want to share with him.

It is sad how petty so many people can be... and thoughtless.
(0)
Report
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter