I am my 82-year-old mother's durable healthcare POA. We've had the papers in place for years, but her doctor just activated it yesterday.
She submitted a letter in July to her medical file saying she no longer wanted any testing or medications. When asked about the letter yesterday, she claimed to have no memory of it. This set off the incompetence bells, and the durable healthcare POA was activated.
Mom lives in independent senior housing. She is diabetic. She has no interest in taking her oral medications. Her average daily blood sugar is 347.
I know her wishes. She just wants to be left alone and to live the rest of her time in peace. My role as POA is to make sure her wishes are honored, no matter what, correct?
When your mom signed the POA document, she was of sound mind and anticipating what she would want in the future. The future is now, but now you have to decide what you think your mom would decide today vs. a few years or months ago. It's an impossible task, but trust your instincts and let your conscience guide you.
There is no 'easy' way to make a boatload of end-of-life decisions, in reality, is there? It's on an event by event basis. I shudder to think how I am going to handle things when my mother reaches that point, which may be sooner rather than later........her CHF is getting worse.
If you move her into a Skilled Nursing Facility, she'll be looked after DURING the medical crises that crop up. Otherwise, plan to be over at her place all the time managing the chaos!
If not, you can call Hospice in to manage the pain she may have during the end of life process. I don't know if she'd go for that, but again, dying without doctor's intervention is one thing; dying in pain is another. Nobody wants to endure that, or to watch a loved one endure that either.
Whatever you decide to do, you are correct in saying that your role as POA is to make sure her wishes are honored, no matter how unrealistic they may wind up to be.
Wishing you the best of luck in a very difficult situation; I feel for you, and am sending you a big HUG, too.
Remember Drs are trained to save lives no matter what; therefore, you might find yourself going around-and-around with them, but once you say "no" to a Dr then he or she can not touch your mom. (That is the law).
I am sorry about your mom:( Good Luck!
She has put her wishes in writing, those need to be honored.
I guess you don't have to worry about the doctor anymore, I would ask for a hospice referral before you blow them off. If she isn't going to pursue treatment and that is what her living will states, that doctor can not force her to have treatment.
Best of luck, I am sorry that you are facing all of this. I think most of us will want to just go to sleep and never wake up and barring that, I personally don't want a bunch of medical interventions to keep me alive. I understand how your mom feels.