I truly do not have a problem with her eating one meal, but she eats breakfast, lunch and dinner. I think what has sent me over the edge as of late is that she will put items on the grocery list that she does not give my mom. She will prepare them for herself and never offer it to my mom. I know this because we have cameras in my mom's home for her safety when she is left alone for short periods of time. I have noticed that she will also bring her clothes to wash as well. Understand that my mom speaks very little English and she will not ask her for much of anything. I feel that it is out of fear that the caregiver will be mean to her. My mom is also on a fixed income. Not that we don't supplement when needed. However, I do not feel we should have to provide 3 meals for an agency's employee. And...yes the agency has been made aware of the issue. As far as I can tell, it has not been addressed. Should I address the caregiver?
I would find it extremely invasive.
I deal with agency, have respite care, but never thought of that.
It is legal to have cameras set up in a house. They aren't supposed to have them on in a home's bathrooms while the caregiver is on duty, or in a bedroom that a live-in caregiver would be using. They do though.
People and agencies alike have absolutely no respect for in-home caregivers. Often we are treated with less regard by client families then a family pet would be. Homecare agencies couldn't care less either. CNA, HHA, and homemaker/companion employees are treated like non-entities. Yet we are the employees who keep them in business and make them rich.
I worked as agency help for years before going private. On my last agency position I took an injury on the job helping a super morbidly obese client transfer from the wheelchair to the shower. I had to be out of work for two months. The agency did not pay me worker's compensation because technically I wasn't full-time with them. No one was. How they hired was to make sure regular hours stayed low so they didn't have to offer any kind of benefits. Then they'd offer fill-in hours.
I had to sue this agency through the Labor Department in my state and they had to pay me. Such action should never have been necessary.
I tried for a long time to organize the CNA's, HHA's, and homemaker/companions to go on strike and demand unionization. They are partially to blame for how badly people in this line of work get treated because they have no loyalty and solidarity towards their own. The agency (it was a big franchise operation) heard that there was a rumor about a possible strike and they gave everyone a ten cent an hour pay raise. At the last meeting we held I asked how many of my fellow caregivers worked an eight hour day. Most of us did and then some because we all had fill-in hours. Many hands went up. Then I asked why they were willing to kiss the feet of our agency's owner and be a Judas to their own kind for 80 cents a day. Now these caregivers who earn minimum wage or just above reached in their own pockets to contribute what they could for me when I was down with an injury and had nothing coming in.
Yet they were so easily and cheaply bought for ten cents an hour more. We had this agency by the throat and they would have met our demands if only we stayed strong in solidarity to each other.
This is when I stopped working or agencies and went private duty only. I earn top money and only take clients I want to take. I only work 12 hours a week now because I have to be here for my mother.
Now on to the part about your concerns that the caregiver's being mean to your mom, I'd put my focus on that issue. Get some of those battery operated cameras in the house to view what is going on when your gone. This food problem sound like the least of your problems.
If a load of mom's wash is already being done, what's the difference if a few more items are thrown into the wash that's already being done?
How many hours is this caregiver employed at mom's home that she's eating 3 meals a day there? It sounds like she's working too many hours & has no free time to do her own laundry, cooking or grocery shopping. If that's true, you may want to cut her a break b/c she's working long hours on your mom's behalf!
Why are you throwing in that you 'feel it is out of fear that the caregiver will be mean to her"? That statement makes no sense to me. So if you speak to this CG about eating food and/or washing clothing, she's going to punish you for doing so by 'being mean' to your mother? Have you ever seen or heard this person being mean to your mother in the past?? You have cameras in her home, so you'd be the first to know if something unkind was happening, right? The CG is either a nice person doing a good job or she's not. Or, you feel like it's not a very nice thing you'd be doing to her to tell her to quit eating your food, and for that reason, she'd retaliate?
If this CG is not doing a good job, ask for a new one to be sent to you by the agency. If she's doing a good job, don't be petty and look for reasons to be pissed off with her, that's my suggestion. Good help is hard to find, especially help that works long hours. When I worked as a caregiver to elders, the vast majority told me to eat whatever I wanted, and/or to join them for meals when I prepared food. It's common decency, in my opinion, b/c I was washing their bodies, cleaning their home, changing their soiled briefs, linens, providing companionship to them, and taking them on errands as well as shopping for them. In reality, I became part of their family to some degree and was treated accordingly. If you are going to treat your caregiver like a thief and put her actions under a microscope, then perhaps it's time for a new caregiver b/c you either don't like her, don't trust her, or both.
Address the caregiver however you see fit, but consider she has feelings as a human being and may be hurt & insulted by your words. Tread carefully and think hard before you speak. Ask yourself if it's worth it to possibly sever this relationship over a few bucks.
The OP should consider taking care of her mother herself instead of using hired caregivers. If she wants perfection she should step up and do it herself.
It sounds to me like this caregiver works so many hours for your mother that she would have precious little time to cook for herself at her own home.
You say she prepares meals for herself and offers your mother none. Please put this into context. Does the caregiver eat at a different time than your mother? Does she say make herself a sandwich and your mother has soup instead?
She does laundry at your mother's house. Your mother could very well have given her permission to.
You "feeling" the caregiver might be mean to her does mean that she actually is. Why don't you observe them interacting with each other through the network of cameras you've installed in her home and see for yourself.
You saw fit to snitch the caregiver out to her agency and they've done nothing. Maybe the agency and your mother are not as upset about it as you are.
If I was employed in such a position, you would not have to report me to the agency for eating with a client because I would have left this position the minute that kind of knit-picking started up.
Good caregivers are hard to find. If you found one, don't be an a**hole about her eating with your mother.
I would agree though that she shouldn't be using your mother's funds for food specifically for herself. Same issue with laundry as with food. If she stays overnight, and is live-in, that's a big difference between someone who comes for specific hours and leaves.
Why didn't you discuss this first with the caregiver before calling the agency? To me, that's the polite and honorable thing to do.
Call the agency and tell them you have no problem providing lunch but you will not provide breakfast or dinner.
When I worked CG, I ate breakfast at home, and lunch was a shared meal. It was whatever my client wanted. I worked a 6-8 hr day. Never had dinner with her, not once.
As far as cominingly the laundry--that is over the limit, I think.
How close do you feel to this CG? Do you fear that if you approach her in 'anger' she may take it out on your mom?
I'd let the agency do the talking, then if you don't see a change, talk to the CG yourself. In the meantime, prepare to interview other CG's.