She has been with us since Feb. We have had about 6 caregivers and she has lasted longer than any of them. We tried using an agency but had such a bad experience that we decided that private care was more affordable and dependable. I really hate to lose this one and it really isn't the food, it is more that I feel cautious about trusting her now. Mom does not have valuables laying around and I take care of all the financial stuff so the food isn't something I really keep an eye on. Finding another caregiver just fills me with despair.
Anyway I’m glad you had an honest discussion with the caregiver.
Here, in our area, schools are handing out free food for families in need....
My facility says the caretakers go to these handout areas, say they have 3 people, and the place will give them 3 bags of food for those 3 people... Saw what they were handing out: chicken, french fries that looked raw, a lil bag of produce, and a small plastic bag sealed of chocolate milk - maybe 8 oz.. but that is better than not eating at all.......
there are options.. check your local news and social services, perhaps they can help:?
Are you sure someone is "stealing" frozen food? Or did someone ask the caregiver to remove 10-year-old frozen meat bricks?
It might be best to just ignore it for now, get a Nanny cam, aim it at the freezer to confirm that stuff is being taken, before asking the CG.
Are you thinking the caregiver, is taking frozen peas, frozen carrots, frozen concentrated Orange juice, ice cubes or _______?
I agree this may be the case here.
I would clean out the freezer and inventory what remains. Post the list on the fridge (keep a copy) and instruct the CG to mark what she uses to feed your mom/themselves while there. I know my own freezer would benefit from this! I will be cleaning out theirs soon.
But I’d still get cameras. If my parents had a caregiver without a family member present, I would. Just to be sure my parents were safe in their care. (one of us is present while the CG is doing the heavy lifting type care)
Also, I am curious if you are certain that she is taking the food? Do you have cameras that are recording it? Is there anyone else who comes into the home that could be responsible even if you think it is not likely?
Hang in there for now. There are a lot of caregivers out there but it is VERY difficult to find one that is reliable and is a good fit for your loved one. Maintain your caution in trusting her.
If you have not installed cameras, do so as you might see something you were not expecting.
If the person is definitely not stealing anything else, for you it may come down to accepting that some of the food will be taken but knowing that you have an otherwise reliable caretaker. Just be prepared to fire the person if more items begin to disappear.
If you really think the CG is the one stealing then ask her about it first without accusing her and see her reaction. Maybe there is a good reason the food is missing. By all means, please do not "convict" her without actual evidence against her. Good luck.
and recognize that a dementia patient may have no recollection of offering a gift or throwing items out
I could relay heaps of times when my mom threw out flowers five minutes after they were delivered from friends -bouquets stuffed in the kitchen garbage
she didn’t want or know what to do with them or “I hate sunflowers’
her friend sent tea selection gift and then Came over and we didn’t have any tea-I had no idea that it came but I guess my mom threw it away or just gave it to someone else as a ‘gift’ -I felt like the friend thought I was lying when I said I can’t find any tea
there is a different reality in the home of a person w dementia and don’t jump to normal conclusions in that scenario
Ask her how her family is doing? Tell her you really like the job she is doing and that you value her service to your mother. Ask her to please let you know if there is anything she needs because you've noticed that some groceries were missing and you would prefer to help her out rather than her helping herself. Remind her those are purchased for mom because it what she enjoys eating.
If you really want her to stay ask her to allow you to give her a 20.00 food card ever so often or a grocery card for her good service. Ask her if that sounds reasonable.
Good Luck
Are you absolutely positive it is her taking the food? Any other friends or relatives that visit that might be doing it? The only way to know for sure, before accusing, is to set up a camera by the freezer and catch the thief. Then show them the video. You will also need camera in area to see it go in a purse or a bag and out the front door. Or if camera only on the freezer, you go over early in the day to see if that item removed was cooked for a meal.
I really think the camera is the way to go. And then confront whoever is caught. You really don't need a thief in the house with 2 elderly people. It is a slippery slope on what might come up missing next....Rx meds, etc. Or getting someone to sign something in order to take possession.
now there was nothing to discuss. I couldn't believe the money I saved for them with just a lock or two...the care giver got the message without me saying a word...
never told mom or dad and nothing hurt their relationship between them . A didnt
They do make locks for fridges and freezers, but they are very visible and she would know your suspicions. I see no easy way with this. I think you have to confront her directly, if you really both like her and want to keep her, then I'd do some research on what is locally available as far as food resources/food banks, benefits she may be entitled to. And make it clear her behavior was totally unacceptable.
I wouldn't put up with it unless she was exceptional.
When you shop for groceries for your mother, do you take into account what the caregiver eats as well, my mother never wanted to eat alone. She always wanted me to make meals for us to eat together, I was always busy cleaning up and instead of taking the time to sit and eat with her, I would just vacuum, do the dishes, and whatever needed to be done. I guess I treated her meal time as just part of my daily work routine, while she wanted me to just spend time with her eating a meal. She is gone now, and little things come back to me that I didn't think at the time made much of a difference, but I wish I could have the time back, I would have sat down and used the time differently now in hindsight. Anyway, did you ask your mother if she knows about the missing food, and if she gave the caregiver permission to take the food. If not, and you want to keep your current caregiver, why not ask her to add items she would like to your shopping list and tell her you will pick them up at the grocery store. That way any food that is missing won't be something you intended for your mother, but you bought for the caregiver. In doing this, the caregiver is aware that you know what is in the freezer, and without accusing her, you have given her a means of having food without sneaking and it stops the stealing. Now, you have control of a situation and don't have to replace the great caregiver with someone who may fall short in worse ways. Hope that helps. Good Day.