Mom won't get out of bed, what should we do?

I would call 911 and ask them to evaluate. Sometimes falling from a standing position means that a hip has broken and caused a fall, not the other way around.

It's not " you need to be in the hospital". It's a matter of " we need medical professionals to evaluate".

Is she in pain ?
My mom's horrible fall at home was straight back in the kitchen - she hit so hard the hardware on the drawers were bent - she spent 6 weeks in rehab - came home with caregivers while I worked and began running away from them and fell twice more breaking her ankle and injuring her knee
It was a difficult decision but after another hospitalization I moved her to a memory care facility last year - she's nearly 94 and after several falls there she no longer walks

Depending on mom's finances you may try assisted living - better quality of life than a nursing home but I'd be concerned she may have a fracture based on the bruises you describe - you and brother need to take action

My mom only wants me to help but I can't be her sole caregiver so I do the best I can by her and try to remember that she is god's child and trust I'm making the right decisions for her

Call 911. Say your mother fell, you were trying to treat her at home, she can no longer get up from the bed. They will want to know when it happened, what you have done to help her so far, what has seemed to help and what has not helped.
They will take her to an ER and evaluate her condition. If she has a dr I would also call her dr. If she doesn't want to go to the ER, ask her dr for hospice to come evaluate her condition at home. Going to the ER will give brother a little while to recover. At 94 they will most likely put her in the hospital for a few days to check her out. Give them a list of all her problems to go over at time of check in. Dizziness. Falling. Etcetera. Then ask for rehab so she can regain her strength. Then make a decision on home with help or NH.

Your brother should call her doctor first thing in the morning, give your mother's history, and get advice.

Your bother should also call a nursing and/or home care agency second thing and sign up as a client. A reputable agency will do some sort of needs assessment, and he can take advice on what services would be helpful. The key thing is that this support is not so much for your mother, who is refusing it, but more for *him*. Because as you correctly perceive, he cannot possibly sustain this level of care for somebody as frail as your mother on his own. So he doesn't need her permission - he needs help, and he should buy it in immediately.

If your mother wants to die at home she has the right to make that choice and it is do-able. However, I would be surprised if her doctor did not insist that the injuries sustained after her latest fall are evaluated in hospital: the swelling in particular could well mean that something is broken or dislocated, and for heaven's sake that's *treatable*. If she's determined to come home again then so be it, just agree: the last thing you want is for her to refuse medical assistance for fear that she will be locked up, which is what seems to be happening.

With or without your mother's consent, your brother MUST seek professional advice. If he doesn't, with those obvious and visible injuries, he's going to be in the frame for neglect.

Yes send to ER 911 she needs to be checked

Your mother needs to evaluated. My mom hit her head and had a subdural bleed. My mom complained about her head hurting after her fall. I called 911. She had been on blood thinners which made it worse. She ended up with brain surgery 2 weeks later after having seizures and being in and out of the hospital and rehab. Please get her checked out. Not uncommon in elderly and dangerous too. My mom was 92, lived 2 more years and passed last fall. It was downhill after the fall.

I strongly agree with just calling the squad to get her off the floor. I'm sure they deal with this a lot because there are specially trained to be able to pick people up who have fallen and can't get up. If she insists on living alone, have you ever considered getting her a life alert button where she can someone's help when she falls? I must also ask, does she use a walker? If not, perhaps she should try it. If she already uses a walker, is she trying to walk without it? If not, perhaps it's time for a wheelchair. It may also be time for PT (physical therapy) to get her stronger. It sounds like she probably has some muscles wasted from inactivity and she probably just needs to do some exercises to get herself stronger. It's never too late to build muscles that have weakened. However, I've heard it said that sometimes a fall is the beginning of the end, and that can be true. I saw this happened with a friend of mine who died years ago after his fall from the attic when a poorly installed handrail came loose after 25 years of being held up with just spikes. This was the beginning of the end for him because he died shortly after that fall. So yes, falls can but don't always necessarily spell the beginning of the end where as in other cases they do. 

If it's determined by a dr. that your mom is fine, then she should be kept out of bed as much as absolutely possible until her actual bedtime.  If there is absolutely no medical reason whatsoever for her to stay in bed all that time, then get some help and drag her out of bed and make her stay out of it. I would definitely get her to start exercising if there's no physical reason why she can't because it sounds like she's probably pretty weak and needs to  rebuild some muscles. The first step though is to get her evaluated and maybe even some tests run to make sure she's OK. If she is, she doesn't need to be in bed all the time. She can actually choke trying to eat and drink laying flat on her back whether she realizes it or not. If she insists on eating in bed, she should add very least be properly propped up to a certain level in order to be able to eat in bed safely. She should be propped to the point of sitting at very least halfway up if not almost straight up if she's prone to choking. If not, then she needs to be at very least propped halfway up into a sitting position to eat in bed. This may require getting her a hospital bed so someone can set her up with ease if she won't prop her self up for  meals. It may turn out that she would probably do better off in a chair then she would in bed. It's sad to lose someone, but that's no reason to just give up on your own life. She probably needs psychiatric evaluation to help her cope with her loss because it sounds to me like she's  doing more than just grieving, she's dwelling on the actual loss. This is a huge mistake some people actually end up making. I know someone right now who became lazy at some point and even downright hateful. She lost two people within a week and ended up losing her mind. I'm surprised she was able to stay home as long as she did, her son ended up taking care of her and doing nearly everything for her, she ended up just sitting around pretty much all of the time. Her son has often complained about this and your description sounds very similar

I'm sorry about your Mom. They deteriorate quickly, before you know what happened. She sounds like she needs to be somewhere they can help her. You and your brother need to put her someplace where she will be safe. My Mom was in Heart Home, nice place. Good luck

seriously, sorry but an elderly person of that age is very fragile you have to step in and do what any one would do for someone in this situation. If your mom was younger & this happened would you call the squad or take her to the ER? I am a Medic you call us! 911, we come evaluate, if she would need more care we transport & get her that care, you just sit and let professionals do the work. what if she has a break, a brain bleed, any number of life threatening medical events. wow, again I'm sorry but you are NOT doing the right thing here. take her to the ER

It sounds like it is time for her to move to a nursing home where she would be watched and assisted. I recommend getting her doctor involved and let the doctor be the one to tell her what she must do. Make sure the doctor knows how many times she had fallen.

A person who is in bed all the time looses 10% of strength for every week in bed - doesn't sound like she can afford to loose any more - rent a wheelchair for her & get her out of bed after the ER & DR do assessments

How is your mom doing now as I see you had posted this 4 days ago. Please call 911 and let her be evaluated. She may have a concussion or having broken something and you don't know it. My scenario was very similar to your. My mother fell 3 times in one week, and we didn't know it, but she had broken her back with one of the falls. 911 was called where She was taken to the hospital and then rehab.I will be taking her from rehab to a facility because she can no longer be alone. She is 87 (almost 88) was very resistant, and she has dementia. Most difficult because she wants and thinks she can be independent, but after all of this realize she can't be anymore. It is a horrible devastating situation that so many people are going through. And most if not all of these nursing adult care facilities are only looking to make money. It is a disgrace! Whatever you decide or have decided to do, I hope and pray you have peace of mind and that your mom will be ok. Please let me know how she is doing.

As usual Countrymouse gave excellent advice. Your mom's condition needs to be assessed. Call her doctor and fill him in on anything that he is unaware of at this time. Since she will not stand or walk you will likely be in need of an ambulance and a hospital visit.

After she is assessed and any medical issues have been dealt with, if she wants to go back home, fine. But she must be willing and able to pay for caregivers. It is the price of staying home. I get that she does not want outside caregivers. We do not get everything we want in life and if staying home is her priority, this is how she can make it happen. Come when you can, split the weeks staying at night if you wish, but what ever you come up with it must work for you and your brother.

Should you bring her home and her movements are compromised there are tools that can make her care easier for caregivers. I was 24/7 caregiver for my mother and these tools were very helpful to me. There are alarm pads made for both beds and chairs that will beep when the person tries to get up. Some alarm at the location of the pad. If being in a room away would mean not hearing the alarm, there are others with a remote that you can keep with you so it beeps where you are. I used a security camera in mom's room that sent the image to my iPad so I could check her without having to go in her room. Additionally, I used baby monitors so I could hear her if she wanted me or was making noises of discomfort.

Your path will not be easy, but you have what it takes to find the best solution. I wish you well.

Notenoughtime
How is your mother doing? Is she still in bed? Four days is a long time. Was thinking of you and your brother and, of course, your mom. I hope things are better.
Let us hear from you when you have a chance.

I would urge 911 and also tell them her head hurts, they will do a cat scan to check for brain.
That happened to my mom, she fell but signs didn't show up right away, had have her admitted and checked out. They bleed stopped but she was in rehab for two months.
She needs to be checked over !!!asap!!! My mom is 92 and lives with us and has for over 10 years!! Good Luck with your mom!!

Yep. Call 911 and at least get her to a hospital for an evaluation. Lying in bed that long? Something is definitely wrong.
Don't let the hospital check her over and send her home. Explain fully what you've written here and they can begin getting the ball rolling. Sounds like she most assuredly needs 24/7 care. Whether you can somehow provide that for her at home, or she needs to be in a NH, she can't continue to lie in bed---unless she's actively dying, she should be able to get up and walk around some of each day.

Good luck with this. It's so easy to dish out advice, and I know, so hard to implement it!!

Calling 911 is a good thing, but if she refuses to be transported, they cannot legally take her to ER. I am supposing that she is still considered competent.

I agree that an evaluation should be done immediately. My father-in-law fell frequently and my MIL did not seek help for him. He eventually died of a subdural hematoma due to a fall. Prior to his death he started telling my MIL that he didn't want to get up. He ended up in a hospital and then a NH within a month but by then it was too late. Although he also developed pneumonia an autopsy determined the primary cause of death as the subdural hematoma.

My husband and I had not had knowledge about this as an injury to rule out so we learned the hard way when we did not press my MIL to have my FIL evaluated. Since then whenever my MIL fell (she is now in a NH and can no longer walk) we called 911.

She needs to go to the ER stat!

Thanks to everyone for the helpful advice. Implementing it though has become a nightmare because of my Mom's stubborn nature. My brother did call 911, when the ambulance got there they spoke to him in a separate room while they examined my mom in her bedroom. She absolutely refuses to go to hospital even though they told her she may have a "green" fracture in her upper arm, plus the blood in the huge bruise behind her shoulder may be "bad blood" and if it is then her heart won't be able to pump it, if it's infected, she'll get very hot and probably die,and they think she may also have a hip misplacement. They were even nice enough to phone an emergency Dr who spoke on the phone with her for awhile trying to convince her to go to hospital. She refused, and they said they'd​ be charged with kidnapping, because she was able to correctly answer some competency questions. I really don't get this, she'd starve to death if we weren't there, she can't or won't even move, so how can she be considered normal??? She takes donnepezil for dementia of some degree, but legally she can make these decisions, it's insane. Her head isn't hurting anymore, so one good thing. My brother is going to try to get her Dr to recommend hospitalization, but we don't even know if that will work. This is a nightmare, having to be there every second, while she just lies there not even trying to sit up. I'm beginning to be more mad than worried about her at this point. I asked her how does she think my brother and I feel having to do everything for her 24 hours a day and she just said "not very good", then I said "please let us get you to a hospital where they can help you" and she told me to get out of her bedroom. As it is, my brother is going to speak with her Dr (Dr is only in on Friday and Sunday, and is new, only has seen her once). I want to get some help in, very difficult here in Canada because with most stuff you have to go through the health department and it takes more time. I don't know why my mom is being so stubborn when she could go and see exactly what's wrong with her. She's content just to lie flat on her back and have my brother and I do everything all the time anytime she calls for us. I'm very worried about him, he's doing most of it,
because I have chronic health problems and can't.

Competent, huh?

You and your brother don't live with her, right?

I'd see if I could get in touch with a hospice organization. They will make her comfortable. The thing is, this is all so treatable. It doesn't HAVE to end in her dying. So...

I might play hard ball here. "Well Mom, brother and I must be getting back home now. Not sure how you're going to manage,, but we can't stay longer". I'd leave and call 911 again. I'd also call the local Aging Authority and report her as a vulnerable adult.

I don't know Canadian law, but there is probably some sort of emergency guardianship you could pursue.

Chances are, when you start to leave, mom will relent and allow you to send her to the hospital.

Notenough;

I wish you all well and hope that you come up with a solution to this problem!

Saying to my mother "I can't do this anymore, Mom" was THE hardest thing I've ever had to do. But I had to harden my heart, because I KNEW that moving her out of her house was the best, safest thing for her. She no longer had the capacity to make safe decisions. Yes, she was legally "competent"; but she had the reasoning skills of a 5 year old and it was no longer safe for her to live alone.

I didn't even need to read your entire story, before posting my VERY STRONG recommendation: Your mother needs to be in the hospital for a complete examination of all potential injuries. From there, she needs to be moved directly into a rehab facility or nursing facility. Call 911. Request an ambulance. Admit her via the Emergency Room. Be there with her and be her strong health advocate. Describe EVERYTHING.

My friend, I say this with all due compassion and respect to you: This situation is officially above your head. It's more than you can handle, anymore. Have mercy on your mother, and get her professional care. Hopefully, a comprehensive hospital stay will render her healthy enough to be transferred to rehab. I'm sure she has a UTI, due to poor hygiene, which will be treated in the hospital. She may have broken or sprained something. She may have head trauma.

Do this for her health and for yours and your brother's! Don't delay. Call that number now. Also, it is completely within your jurisdiction to have her admitted to the hospital.

Best of luck to you. Be stalwart.

Where in Canada? - here in Ontario there is what used to be called the C.C.A.C. but now is L.H.I.N. - the doctor can get home help coming in - they can give her sponge baths & more - these are trained people who can help you & her - they will also be another source of independent observers who will have experience with similar problems

If in another province they have similar organizations - they or dr should have emergency numbers that will get help A.S.A.P. - if you don't know where to go call your pharmacy as they may be able to steer you to right people - I got help within 18 hours with mom for her diabetes etc - then they were able to indicate where her other problems had got much worst than we knew - good luck

Time for an update, Notenough?

Oh boyee... do I relate to the "getting angry" at her stuff. My mother was much more reasonable and cooperative, however, I was angry at her for all the times that she chose to lay in bed, instead of doing her PT (when she was able). The more my mother layed in bed, the angrier I got.

I'm so sorry for you and your brother. Can you impart to her how selfish she's being towards her children? How sick she's making the both of you? I'm sure she doesn't want that for you.

Maybe her doctor can write that she's a danger to herself and get her admitted, whether she wants to or not.

Be strong. Do whatever you have to do! Keep us posted. Sending you strength...

We finally got my mom to ER and had her looked at. She's got a broken shoulder, and was finally admitted after waiting an unbelievably long time. So glad she's there and being cared for by professionals. She's still afraid to try to get up, the physiotherapist was in and tried to get her to stand, but she's very afraid of falling. I don't know how they're going to convince her to try, but I'm sure they know way more than my brother and I. Just wanted to update the situation, I'm so tired tonight. Thanks for the latest post from Raised on Elton, I was feeling bad because I sort of lost it a couple days ago and told her how selfish and unreasonable she was being, (it didn't phase her anyway, just made her tell me to get out of her bedroom) but I feel a little less guilty now, for losing it. But still a bit bad because I wouldn't have said quite the same things if I'd known her shoulder was broken. I really don't think she understands most things, but when she's asked questions in the hospital she can appear pretty normal, most of the time. I don't know how she can do that. I'll write more in a couple of days. Thanks for all the great help

Get a good night's rest, and thanks for updating.

Your mother must have been in a lot of pain and it will take a while for her to get over that. Give it a few days and then see where you are, try not to worry meanwhile. Hugs.

Just a little update, because not much has changed. My Mom's still in the hospital, still hasn't moved much. They did lift her into a wheelchair yesterday, but today she refused to try it again. They said that she has to tomorrow though. She's looking pretty tired today. Wish this wasn't so hard for her, it's so sad to see her like this. At least she's being well cared for, and her pain appears to be pretty well controlled.

Not, thanks for the update.

Not to get ahead of ourselves here, but it seems clear that your mom should not go back to living alone. Are you and your brother working with the social work/discharge staff to identify a good rehab facility, one that might also turn into a long term care placement?