I'm really dreading this election year...
Mom keeps saying she is going to stop watching the news, because it causes her to worry so much, but the next thing I hear is the news. She has it on most of the day. She fights depression and it only makes her more depressed and have a bad attitude towards everything. If I go in sit in the same room with her she will let me change the channel, but she continues to talk about how bad everything is. Even though I live here and am her full-time care giver I can't sit and watch TV all day. Does anyone else have this issue?
My parents read a daily newspaper that spews bad news, and they keep the television on to watch an all-news/all-day station that just reiterates and vomits the worst stories of the day ad nauseum. My father rants about the state of the world and my mother frets endlessly about all the things that might befall her grandchildren. Both have dementia - they might forget the stories, but they certainly remember the feelings the stories stir up inside them.
I have been trying to wean them off their "bad news" addiction by bringing in positive stories about heroes and compassion, by putting some of the stories in perspective (they live in a quiet neighbourhood where even the cats and dogs are bored), and by reminding them that, at any given moment, we have SO MUCH to be grateful for.
It's a cultural sickness, our addiction to other people's dramas, and the media has accelerated its stronghold on audiences. It's impossible for most of us to NOT watch a train wreck, but watching it all day and every day creates links in our brains and fears and feelings that aren't even real. As Roosevelt noted, the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
I have studied Buddhist philosophy extensively, and went for a few months without any input from any news sources. It was blissful, and my life didn't change a whit. As I understand it, life is all about balance. Achieving that right balance of negative and positive dramas is the solution. How to do that in a capitalistic degenerative news environment is the real question!
I think the serious point about the original thread, though, is that as perception changes then older people with dementia can become very distressed by what they see, out of normal proportion for them. Then you're left with the choice of either censoring their viewing, or allowing them to be exposed to often lurid reporting - think of some of the shockers around over the last few months, which certainly freak me out and I like to think of myself as reasonably philosophical. I don't think there is an ideal answer, sadly.
I think once dementia sets in there is a huge difficulty for some people in differentiating between fact and fiction and also between news in general and reality to them.
Hence my mother thinking Donald Trump was George Patten (because they do look similar) and because she misheard Trump (which is not a word over here except to be a child's word for breaking wind) and because she saw Sarah Palin she heard strumpet which is something she recognises. Now she has a set of pseudo facts and has merged them with the George Patten she does remember and of course George Patten wouldn't have married a strumpet.
Hence my mother believing that NCIS is real and although she wanted to watch it I refused to let her watch band of brothers which is a war based series but some of the shots are sometimes so horrific and graphic she would have believed that was happening today in this city and not only been depressed but frightened too.
Mum would not be able to differentiate for example between the reality of 911 and the fictional towering inferno. Her reference points for reality were shaped long before special effects which just adds to the complexity of the problem
The sad thing is we can only guess what is going on in their minds and that is so frustrating.
'It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World' (1963) With Spencer Tracy, Milton Berle, Ethel Merman, Mickey Rooney, to only name a few. The dying words of a thief spark a madcap cross-country rush to find some treasure. makes you cry funny. and of mom's generation.
also, dvd boxed sets of I Love Lucy, The Dick Van Dyke Show, The Carol Burnett Show, The Bennie Hill Show (racey british… but we love it) etc. we have a regular schedule for each show everyday.
as folks are going to digital media, i find them from friends, craiglist, amazon & ebay for pretty cheap. somehow whipping out a DVD makes it more of an occasion for my mom then just downloading it. also, it's something tangible she can touch so it cues her better and seeing the DVDs on the shelf gives her something to look forward to.
you may not be able to make the news go away completely, but i believe balancing it out with something funny is a great place to start and a win-win… if only for an hour. even one belly laugh a day is good medicine, yes?
also, beautiful ester williams movies and musicals of her era are always uplifting.
you are an awesome daughter/son!!! hugs to you :)
p.s. america's funniest home videos NEVER misses the mark with mom… though it disgusted my aunt, so we had to sneak it in around her… lol.
if we keep our focus on THAT, there is room for all of us to weigh in on this. i didn't mean to single FOX out for any reason other than my folks consumed nothing but FOX and cop shows. whether i like something or not, i fully support everyone watching what they want. it the Right of us all, and that is the other important thing.
hugs all around!
She also enjoys her exercises - which, given that she is wheelchair bound and very stiff are very simple. But perhaps it is the interaction she relishes.
As for voting: vote for Bernie! Or Jill Stein, ;)
Are you still with us, deleteaccount? One thing that would be helpful to know is just how mentally impaired your mother is. How tuned in is she to the reality she is watching? (Yes, I know that the mainstream media is pathetically out of touch with actual reality.) If you disabled the television and substituted old movies and comedy, would she catch on? (Fred Astaire! Bob Hope & Bing Crosby! Charlie Chan mysteries! Gilligan's Island reruns! etc.)
Others have mentioned tuning in to cooking shows, game shows, nature shows and situation comedies. All these are great ideas if she is not fixated on watching the news and constantly channel surfing as soon as your back is turned.
My mother watched primarily game shows, sitcoms and the news---but her hearing was so bad she couldn't really hear what they were saying! It was all just visuals and the more action the better. Eventually her dementia progressed to the point where she now has no more interest in TV, newspapers or magazines and just wants to be in the same room other people are in.
When I am the only one around, it's useless to try and get anything done on my computer (still designing posters and stuff, although retired), so I just bring my laptop to her and show her family videos or fun video shorts I find online, or I go through family albums with her and pick her brain for stories of her girlhood.
Storyteller tapes -- she could listen and enjoy and process those, really understand them and laugh in the right places -- when she couldn't process books on tape. Donald Davis, Jim Weiss. Jonatha and Harold Wright. I would leave a CD playing on continuous play with headphones plugged in. All she had to do was put the headphones on to hear it. (She couldn't press the play button).
Trump has made his place in American political history. He grabbed the attention of people across very diverse backgrounds. Rather than bringing the groups together, he is pitting one against the other. Our elderly can't begin to think or process anything positive. It offers no hope, no solutions, no freedoms. This negativity really conflicts with their values so must be quite distressing.
I think deleteaccount's question is really not just about the elderly. Baby Boomers are marching down this treacherous path. Their kids and grandkids must deal with the social and economic implications of dementia among other ailments.
I think the saving grace (not Nancy Grace) in earlier years was having only 3 channels to choose from. Topics were timely and relevant. Today's connected world makes it desirable to have many more choices for TV today. We have to learn when enough is enough and remove the remote.
In thinking about Jeaniego's idea of deleting the input from others it reminded me of the following:
It's the online users who forced the mainstream establishment to take seriously people's comments. Those were originally people who mostly had no access to the mainstream. Now the major media, manufacturers, businesses, law enforcement and national security rely on social websites to achieve their missions. So we should never delete any sites and conversations such as this. Maybe someday it will sink in - among politicians who have not yet been diagnosed with dementia.
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When bad news prevailed in earlier years, anyone interested in more knowledge out came the newspaper and magazines. It was an alternative way to inform, educate, and then take a break from the horrible realities. Not so today - just all the horrible stuff flows into the living room like a backed up sewer main.
Mom liked to watch the old movie channels. Dad would sometimes flip it back to the all sports channels which bored my mom. That forced her to get up and take a break from the TV. Later they both became entranced with FOX news. After Dad died she became more attached to the remote and FOX. I cringed at some of the stuff she was talking about as it was negative.
But she got to see a little of Trump and Palin. She would get worked up about various characters - Trump, Palin, Pelosi, and others. When our elders can no longer process the world or work to improve life, it can become cruel in my opinion.
Mom talked about politicians every election cycle. Elections were serious business for her generation. I am glad she died before the media really got any more immersed in every tidbit of bad news it could muster up.
I think it's good deleteaccount asked the question!
We too need to justify to ourselves what we're watching, even though we may not realize it, such as that the negative activities, especially that now of the massive devastation and suffering caused by Winter Storm Jonas, is somehow not going to happen to us.
Occasionally I've asked people about their free use of social media which commoditizes and sells personal information, about the liberal posting and sharing of personal information, of lack of concerns for their own privacy. I get different responses from whose who grew up with these activities vs. those my age, and for me who's worked in law and been concerned about massive violations of individual rights. The younger people are acclimated to privacy invasion - they grew up with it. People my age didn't, and some of us find it egregiously offensive.
I think it's also important to remember that so many of the people who are older and are watching tv as a pastime are also limited in mobility and are more concerned about that than people of a younger age. If I was 80 or 90+ and living in NJ, I'd be terrified of being without power in a flooded area in frigid weather. At least we who can move around. can get in a boat or perhaps be rescued, but if your mobility is limited, what are your options?
I don't claim to have professional psychological insight, but there have been times when I've been less mobile because of various injuries, and I find myself trending toward preoccupation with negative events so that I can plan alternatives in the event they happen to me.
Since my father's on oxygen which goes with us everywhere, I spend more time thinking about how to keep backup batteries warm in the car while we're at a medical appointment, how to haul the oxygen concentrator to the buildings when no one has snowed off walks and how to keep from falling myself....these seem like little things but could become major issues.
So I see how someone can fall into an obsession with negativity - what we don't know is whether or not these elder folks are trying to find ways to cope with it and think how they would handle the situation if it occurred, or even if the events are so terrifying that elders are so frightened they can't turn off the tv because they're hoping that some resolution will arise which would reverse the fear and anxiety they experience.
SingingWay makes a good point about the proliferation of garbage programs on tv. They're on everywhere - even in medical offices, and worse yet, in the radiological waiting room at our hospital! This aggravates me to no end. I've put in ear plugs to block out all those inane talk shows and soap operas.
But the assumption is made by someone - office staff? - that patients apparently are interested in this garbage. I've been tempted to bring a portable CD and play classical music in the waiting rooms.
Houseplant, your observations are insightful, highly relevant, and very important to this discussion, especially the societal changes that wrought the issues about which we're writing, and the insight into elders who can no longer process issues.
If I thought the worlds of Palin and Trump prevailed, I'd be depressed too.
Hey! - this is your election, it's not for outsiders to back a candidate. But it is also the world's business, it does matter to everyone, and in that sense there is an additional responsibility for American voters. That's what comes of being the last superpower standing.
Remember the great relationship that Thatcher and Reagan had (not that I necessarily agreed with their politics)? Bush and Blair? Bush Sr. when he put together the coalition to challenge Iraq for Kuwait's "liberation?"
Can you imagine either of the two comic candidates attempting to create such a coalition?
The US government, for better or worse, does still believe it has the right to take the superpower role, and as such, needs to have a leader who understands diplomacy, international politics, foreign relations....something lacking by many of the candidates.
I think all the countries with which we have relationships have an interest in our elections, as do the Chinese, for their own reasons.
When Trump inflates racial hatred by calling Mexican immigrants rapists, drug runners and criminals that is really worrying for foreign nationals. When he denigrates gay rights and same sex marriage yet he himself was married three times, when he says he will be the 'jobs' president yet has owned 4 bankrupt companies I as a brit have to say ....erm really this man is suitable as a candidate for ANY party? Not in my book he isn't. Anyone who is thoughtless enough to criticise the black poor on the very day 9 African Americans were shot to death probably by a white supremacist in a church has no understanding of appropriate comments to make in his own country let alone on a world stage. Even a Saudi prince has stood up and said he is a disgrace following his comments on Muslims.
And that is why I feel I had the right to comment - not political but personal not the party, but the man (and the woman)
Angela Merkel has already had to deal with Yannis Varoufakis - the Finance Minister with the motor bike and the leather jacket and the red hot looks and hot red politics - and Silvio Berlusconi, who actually, on reflection, makes Donald Trump's personality look positively priest-like. So I feel sure she will cope.
If only the good were clever,
And if only the clever were good,
The world would be better than ever
We possibly thought it could.
OHMYGOD Donald Trump and Jeremy Corbyn on the phone about Da'esh..!!!! Oh all right I give in - I am now cackling hysterically. Jude will know what I mean, though she may not be laughing much - for American readers, Jeremy Corbyn is the newly(ish) elected Leader of Her Majesty's Loyal(ish, in his case) Opposition, and therefore to be taken seriously as the UK's potential next Prime Minister. Trust me, that's all you want to know.
What a shame that Hugo Chavez is no longer with us. International diplomacy could have had a real purple patch.
Trump not even for hair restoration.
Trump should be paying attention to what men are saying. When men laugh and criticize him, it bumps it to another level - especially if those men are in positions of power. He just doesn't get it.
I think the much much older American women don't process the Clilnton situation as well as the younger women. She's a younger female and therefore unworthy of respect according to Trump. I heard one man say he's been a devout Republican but believes Trump is making Hillary the next president. Trump attacks Rubio and the children of politicians. He attacks female news reporters. The elderly haven't been attacked so much because they've not stood up to him. The fact that he has no empathy for anybody means he is available to be criticized by everybody, here and abroad. The elders are too worried to fight the good fight, so the younger must step in to get us going in a better direction. Trump is maybe too old to be president. Not in terms of numerical age, but mindset. My parents and their elderly friends all had more sense than Trump did at the time of their deaths. And they were older than Trump. My mom used to say people get what they deserve in old age. In the case of Donald it may just be a dump.