My mother-in-law is 85, has no sensation of needing to go, or of being wet. Will wear depends, but does not have sensation of wet, urge to go. Refuses to believe that she has wet herself, saying that she must have sat in something wet. She will wear adult diapers, but forgets to change them and leaks. The doctor has said that there is nothing he can give her if she doesn't even have the sensation. She is very stubborn and becomes very agitated if her smell or wetness is pointed out to her. She even hangs up dirty clothes to wear again.
She has no short term memory or focus, but is otherwise healthy.
it was a tough couple of months getting her into somewgere, Im the bad guy, because i got her the medical attention she needed, shes not happy with me at all, but shes gettibg the 24. Hr care she needs, Dads getting some sleep, and our home is alot calmer, not to mention it doesnt stink anymore. My advice is, she needs help you cant give her, adult services can help.
You need to wake up to the fact she's not able to care for herself. And, she's not 'healthy'. While her vitals are within normal range, sitting in urine is not healthy. And telling you she sat on something wet is delusional at best in that she believes you believe her.
The brain controls all functions. Apparently, it has stopped receiving the signal to get up and 'go'. I'm wondering how the furniture smells if she's sitting on it in wet 'diapers'?
At this point, her stubbornness is no longer a factor. You're in charge. As the person in charge, you have to figure out what will work for her. You may want to say to her that it's time to go to the bathroom, give her a new set of 'underwear' along with anything that may be wet. Note: Do not ask, you tell. I'd also suggest you line anything she is sitting on with waterproof pads.
It may be helpful for YOU to find out just exactly what her abilities are. There are tests that can be administered to help both you and her doctor understand what abilities have been lost, etc.
A 'healthy' dementia patient can live a very long time given the numerous medicines available to keep the body going. If she's allowed to continue her stubbornness, both she and you may find yourselves in an ER someday dealing with a Urinary Tract Infection.
This is not easy. If you feel you can't do this, I'd suggest either having someone come in to care for her or placing her in some sort of living arrangement. I never thought I would place my mother in a nursing facility, but after almost two years, I did after a doctor told me she won't realize the difference and the family will be less stressed.
She needs to change on a schedule. I have a battle with my mom every morning about putting on fresh depends. She insists that they are not dirty. she will even try to hide the new ones and lie to me saying she changed them. You need to have her change regularly as she could get infections, etc. Other hygiene is an issue I'll bet to if you are not living with her or she has no assistance. I'll bet she wears the same blouse for days, won't brush her teethe, or take a shower. If she does all these things then they are next. Either move her in with you or put her in AL. She's like a three year old. The difference is that the three year old grows up.