I need some advice. My mother is 87 years old...has some dementia at times...has had quad-drouple bypass....stents...and a pace maker. Up until Feb 20th...she could do everything for herself...eat anything she wanted....didn't have any problems at all. (She lives with me). My sister exposed her to the flu...two days later I had to put her in the hospital....this was Feb 20th. While in the hospital...she developed C Diff. She has been on antibiotics since...couldn't get over it until this last week. During this time...she lost her appetite...nothing tasted good to her anymore. She has lost about 15 to 20 lbs in the past 2 1/2 months. She can't walk or even stand up any more...she is so weak. If she eats 2 spoons of food a day the last couple of weeks...that's a lot. She is literally starving to death. I feel if I can get some nutrition into her...she will overcome this. I've tried ensure...boost...she won't drink them. I have made arrangements to have a peg tube inserted this coming Monday. Am I doing the right thing? I feel it is the only chance she has. She says she doesn't want to die....I've begged her to eat and her reply is that she is eating...but she's not. Has anyone else experienced this with their parent?
How can anyone way this is the way for her body to shut down? No one can say for sure it is shutting down so try the things you need to try and see what response occurs.
Pulling out the tube. There are ways to get that tube under clothing so that the patient does not have access it; ways I have read about in the past. True, if she is in a mere hospital gown her little hands might pull it out but don't let her little hands get ahold of it; stretch pants that go waist high as I recall helped.
I would do many things before I were to assume it is mom's way of telling us she is dying...rule out all that you can medically. Once she is nourished and hydrated you will have a better picture of what is going on. Colon impact? Kidney or gall bladder stones? Depression (can affect desire to eat as can medications).
Please use the peg tube, keep it well covered and keep us posted. thank you
How is it going? Is she able to process foods and what is her calorie count at?
The next couple of weeks will tell if she was just at a low point and has rebounded. I'd personally be concerned more about recurrent C-Diff. If she gets another C-Diff and still has feeding issues, then realistically you should have her evaluated for hospice care whether at your home or in a facility. The concept & acceptance of hospice may not be easy for you but is a very good option for many. I get a vibe that you are looking to blame your sister for mom's situation as you said sis "exposed her to the flu...two days later I had to put her in the hospital....this was Feb 20th". The flu was very bad this late winter, she could have gotten it from going to the store or church or even from you carrying the germ but not having the flu. At 87, she likely has a compromised immune system anyway with or without annual flu shot & the 5 year pneumonia shot. Your sister did not cause this.
Hospice is not automatic either, they have to be evaluated by both the hospice MD and the facility (the NH) medical director in agreement on it's benefit. My mom had 3 TIA's back to back while in her NH #1 and was evaluated for hospice and not accepted and she was 94 at the time.
The situation that Lori describes with a person living for years & years ONLY because of the feeding tube does happen and there is just no real quality of life in that situation. I would not want that for my family or myself. That's my personal choice. You have to try to balance out your personal feeling with what is viewed in general by health care providers & other family as the best option for your mom.
It's not easy, best of luck.
I did see one lady who had one (her choice) and family decided they were done waiting for her to die (couldn't wait to get their hands on her MASSIVE amounts of money...) Anyway, we tried to feed her the best we could after it came out, but she just wasn't able to take in enough to sustain her! SHE WANTED TO LIVE. I watched this woman STARVE to DEATH. It was one of the most horrible things I have ever experienced. I will never forget the look on her face when she passed. It looked like something out of a horror movie, an inaudible scream. I will never forget. I felt like I failed her, her family killed her for money. It was a slow agonizing death. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Sorry if this is graphic, but people need to know the reality of what they are saying.
A feeding tube is NOT an artificial "life support" thing like a respirator or something! It is just providing the basic means that we are all entitled to. Food, water, air. Leave the rest to God.
Someone suggested an appetite enhancer - that might bridge the gap, if indeed she can recover as haggismom's mum did. Shakes, favourite foods etc. are a good idea.
Often I think the procedures used near end of life do more to prolong the dying process rather than prolonging life with any quality.
All that being said you have to live with your decision, and it is a very difficult one. I know you want to do what is best for her.
((((((((hugs))))))) and prayers
As others have mentioned, loss of appetite is normal at the end of life. And, feeding tubes have complications, especially for people who are already fragile. The cost of being able to feel like you did "all you could" can be very high for your mom.
No life is long enough and we never want to see a loved one leave us, but 87 years is a good, long life.
She got cdiff in the hospital? Too many anti-biotics for her weak little body:(
Can you get a nutrtionist and get her on PRO-biotics? Give her natural Greek yogurt and other acidophilus. I pray she can recover from this with a optimum push to get her intestines normal again, let's believe:)) xo
Finally, if she's reaching a point where her system just isn't processing nutrition, a PEG won't be of use. You can pump Jevity or TwoCal into her stomach all you want, but if her system won't use it, it just goes back up into her throat and will aspirate her. That's my mother's status now, so I can tell you that a PEG doesn't necessarily feed you when you can't eat by mouth.
I'm not saying any of these things to scare you, just to make you realize that a PEG isn't the answer to everything. I know you're just thinking you don't want your mother to die, but I recommend that you do some research and make sure it's what is best for her.
1. She WANTS to live. 2. She has the potential for some quality of life.
My poor little mom also got into trouble after a procedure at the hospital last week. The staff was going to insert a tube but she went downhill. My mom did not want to live anyway (blind, going deaf, terrible arthritis, she could not even sit up anymore and could just barely hold a cup to her mouth). Mom had nearly zero quality of life. Finally, her symptoms suggested her organs were shutting down.
To me, if you mom wants to still go for it and there is some hope, I would do the same and put in the tube. Best of luck, V55
I personally, and stress, this is my personal view, believe there is little point fighting this.
You have the guilt with whichever decision you make, did I do the right thing. What is the use of her being unhappy, and you watching this with all the pain this brings.
In a just world we would help our parents and understand they had lived a full life to the age your Mum is.
In a childish way, I figure it like this, we have to make way for the next generation, awful as it sounds.
God give you strength in these awful times, and remember Mum as a vibrant young woman rather than what you see now.