Mom moving in with me. Any financial advice?

Sorry that family issues prevented you from doing what you wanted. I understand as I have been fighting a sibling for years to keep my parents (now just my Mom) with me in my home. So far I have been successful but it has cost a great deal of emotional turmoil. Wishing you the best!

Sometimes folks ask questions that can only be answered by a lawyer or a doctor. Maybe they just want some feed back. I live alone, with over 100 folks. Funny!!! But I don't go out of my apartment except for a couple of things. Check my mail is one. I email a lot of people, so I don't get much mail except bills.

Thanks, everyone, for the advice. The family drama (from siblings) was too much to deal with,miso we are now moving Mom to an ALF. Am sure she will be better off there....at least until we work thru all the other issues. IF we work thru them.

Again, thanks for the advice. This forum has been a God-send.

Stop, check out the law in your state before doing anything. It is frowned upon for a family member to get paid. They go in families houses and see what is their and what is your, so they can sale your loved one stuff in put it in a trust. Write down everything they are moving in with. The rules are different when it come to abuse with monies and health. Their are also law if your parent or grandparents owe the government monies they can take it from you(2008 in farmer bill ) On top of the most state freeze monies of your loved ones to investigate you and they can just you care POA and not financial POA if you talk about you getting paid. First keep a log in so much detail that they can't question the work that you are doing. Most judges feel it is your job to take care of family but they will pay someone 200 to 300 dollars an hour and if your loved get hurt in their care they will not go to jail like you would.Good luck

I am dpoa and have been to multiple lawyers just to make 110% sure that my caregivers contract is legit and it is. You are to be compensated if you are doing the care in your home. If you dont want to, just leave it and once your Mom passes you can divide it with your siblings who havent helped, ya right! I would look on care.com and see what is in your area for private pay and agencies. I interviewed a young woman who charged $600 a week for live-in care and had been doing it for years. There is an agency in CT that has african women who move in and charge 50k a year and from what I hear they are the sweetest and cant do enough to make them happy. I pay $15 an hour for morning help but if its a full day, etc they normally take less like $12.
You can ask SS as they allow for you to take in rent for a parent from their ss. I would go to a lawyer and get this all settled before the sibling war begins. And, bless you for taking your Mom in. I took in my Mom 7 years ago and she is spoiled beyond spoiled with love, warmth, cleanliness and home made pureed foods. I say P-U to healthy foods, I always give mom what she loves, after all, shes in her 90's! She cant talk or walk now but she sure smiles and laughs with us, especially when we sing. good luck, you'll be proud of yourself indeed.

In California, private home care runs around $25.00 hourly!

I agree with the person who said give her grapes, etc. No unhealthy snacks.
No telling what is in fruit bars and such. Fruit is good, Maybe some raw vegies if she can chew them and not choke. If you are the sole provider, tell you other family to put up or shut up.

For those who asked I am hiring in home care using a service called Homework solutions, they dopayroll, taxes and i believe background checks. These services exist for people hiring nannies for kidsbut also work for elder caregivers. I was using a service but found we were still doing alot of admin work for 24-7 care when you have a team of people. Anyway it takes some organization and record keeping is important- I also have a difficult sibling who is obsessed with the money. The deciding factor is the quality of people you get and if you can pay a few dollars more than the agencies then sometimes you can get people that were trainedbyagencies and are licensed. If you are home during the day you can supervise at first until you feel comfortable. Despite what i read here warning against it I would not put my mother in a facility unless i had to medically and i think it sets a good exmple for kids who will take care of you later. Of course, I am fortunate that my mom has resourcesbecause i could not do it myself, I am still working at home.I also know she is happier in my home, she spent some time in elderly independent places and hated it. Now that my father is gonethe caregivers give her quality one on one attention which she needs.

I'd like to add to KSeale's comment, what I was told by mom's estate attorney (TX) was that I as DPOA or as MPOA can be paid a reasonable amount to manage mom's affairs. BUT the "reasonable" amount is based on your community standards for what is done and ALSO very interdependent on the DPOA/MPOA's education and profession. So if you are a CPA and do financials for mom you can pay yourself at the same invoice rate as you would another client; ditto for other professionals with some sort of set hour or day rate. If you have a MSW or MPH or other health care professional degree, you can pay yourself a professional consulting rate for overseeing her health care within your MPOA as well.

If you have a business, then you can invoice it and have mom pay the biz for the services too at the usual billing rates. But if you just have a limited education and your max hourly wage is like $ 12 an hour working retail then that ($ 12) is what is reasonable for you to be paid without getting into gifting transfer penalty issues for Medicaid if your parent ends up needing to apply for Medicaid anytime within the next 5 years even if you have a service contract between you & your parent. Whatever the case you need to pay taxes on the income paid.

kdcm - so who has the DPOA & MPOA for your mom? If she is going to live with you, you really need to have this done naming you. Really schedule an elder law visit in the very near future and get these done along with any updating of mom's will (a codicil) or any other legal documents that would be a good thing to have on hand for mom. My mom's attorney had mom do in addition to the usual ones a "Declaration of Guardianship In Lieu of Incapacity" done naming me - what he said often happens is that the elder in a fit of pique cause they didn't get their way or under influence of others, will rescind your DPOA and then you can use this to show mom's intention for guardian as you are going to have to go the guardian route to get back control. Its a trump card for you to have on hand. Now for the attorney costs, Mom pays for all this from her funds too. If you anticipate sibling issues down the road, perhaps have another sibling be the one to go with mom & you to the attorney visit as well. Whatever the case, the attorney will have both you & your sibling sit in another room while they speak with your mom at some point in all this. You say that mom has the funds to private pay for care - well I hope you are right on that. But my experience is that IF they live long enough, they will run out of money unless they are generationally wealthy individuals and the caregiver will run out of steam and the elder will go into a facility. At up to 15K a month for places, they will need mid6 figures to be able to pay for care & caregivers for just a few years without any worry of running out of funds. If mom doesn't have this can family be able to private pay for care or they will have to apply for Medicaid?? The 5year look-back & documentation rules for Medicaid are pretty unforgiving to anything that can be viewed as gifting. Please look hard at mom's finances to see the reality of what she has and her ability to liquidate it to pay for care if need be.

I am POA and my mother pays a certain amount monthly to help with the mortage and utilities. We pay caregivers directly through a service that handles payroll and taxes and I am on her bank account so make periodic deductions online for these services.We buy food for her throughMagic Kitchen, gourmet frozen meals and snacks from the grocery. It seems to work so far.

In Texas the Durable POA says that the agent can pay themself a reasonable fee and the POA gets to decide what is reasonable. Samara makes good points and gives good advice about documentation. That it very labor intensive and expensive and is the reason SNF AND Alzheimer's units charge so much. How are you going to react when your mom completely disrupts your household and your families lives. You will be resentful and torn about putting her in a care facility. As a good daughter you want to provide the very best of care for your mom. By putting her in a good facility now she will have a chance to get settled in and will be less stressed as her disease progresses. Little changes are earth shaking to Alzheimer's patients. You will be less stressed and you can go spend your time just being with her instead of worn out and resentful of overseeing her care.

She won't have those assets longs. She could live another 10-20 years. Put her in an AL now.Please you are making a huge mistake.

DO NOT MOVE HER IN!!!!!!Big Mistake! Especially don't move her in if YOU don't have the POA.IF she is needing this much care now it will only get worse.PLEASE, please rethink this. Big trouble ahead, red flags, warning,don't do this.

Samara, NYS, where Pam and I both reside has very strict rules about POA compensatiion.

Should a book keeper be hired just in case a sibling has a complaint where the money is going later. Also I care for my Mother 20 hours a day and she does compensate me to keep my car on the road and for food, Is there any rules against this as well. Thanks.

Pamstegman, why would the POA not be able to care for their parent, in their own home, and be reimbursed for the bedroom, food, time spent caregiving, etc? I am POA for my parents, and provide all my help (considerable amts of time, but they have their own home) for free. But once in a while they have offered to pay some monies for gas. The POA document only states that I cannot make "gifts" to myself, it does not state that I cannot be "compensated" for my time or expenses I incur if it is specifically for parents benefits. In addition, if parents offer me a gift ( as in, hello, its Christmas) I don't have to decline. I think it's fine for a POA to be compensated for actual work they do for parents. Especially if the parent lives in their home. Maybe you could say more about why that could not happen. Or did I misunderstand?

There are no problems if your mother agrees to this and you get an attorney who is well versed in these matters. How wonderful that you can do this.

As for siblings...What siblings? :)

Enjoy your mom and this special time you will have with her without having to worry about actually caring for her. I think it's wonderful!

I am not POA. I am the daughter taking Mom in and foresee many problems; however, siblings don't agree re my concerns and think I am a Debbie Downer. Some of these concerns Samara hit right on the head!

See an Elder Law attorney ASAP. You need a written contract. You cannot be POA and pay yourself. Many pitfalls .

I commend your dedication to your mom, and also for being honest about limitations of caring for her at same time maintaining your own family needs.
In my family, we considered doing this, but sibling nonsense (jealousy over payment to us--they perceived it as us getting more, but, none of them offers to do the same......) made it impossible.
I would just use an abundance of caution with documenting each and every day--- your paid caregivers should use a rubric for each day: a chart showing awake/sleep times, meal times/contents, medications, activities even just TV or radio, showers/shampooing or cleansing and of course Depends change time, any bruises or illness/symptoms, make sure all is documented and have each caregiver check in with the next caregiver and each initial that day's chart.
The very big reason to do this, is in case someone (family? disgruntled caregiver? neighbor?) decides to call Adult Protective Services. If you have a written record, you have "something" to show your diligence. Some people also install security cameras.
Also consider the "last days" if she has a progressive illness. ...do you plan to keep her at home until the very end? We had a relative who had to go to VA as it was just too "medical" to allow him to die at home.

I think there could be a lot of pitfalls to this plan, especially if you have siblings. I would consult an attorney who deals with these types of issues. You should have some legal instruments in place, such a DPOA, MPOA, and maybe some kind of contract since you are planning to pay yourself in line with the going rate...not that I'm saying that's wrong, but it could lead to tax issues or issues getting her into place should her assets deplete and you are no longer able to provide her care. Have you looked into group home care instead of a SNF? Just a suggestion. God bless you as you seek the right care for your mom.

To clarify...I myself will be doing little to none of the actual caregiving. I will be managing an array of both private and agency care. Have found it is more stressful to me to be doing the actual caregiving in my own home vs her home because I cannot get anything else done. So others will be doing the actual caregiving aspect. And I currently retired.

Full time nursing home care in Connecticut is 15,000 per month. If your mother needs 20 hours of care now, soon to be 24/7, why are you not looking into what a facility nearby costs!? No one person can do 24/7. If you have a family of RNs, and CNAs, that great, but make sure you factor in weekends, vacations, need to go on light duty due to injury, etc. Also tax withholding and SS withholding so that you/they are not penalized for dropping out of the workforce for a couple of years.

Full time care, in ones own home in Tucson is $11,000 a month.

One way to figure what the cost would be is to find out how much a local nursing home would charge for an Alzheimer/Dementia patient, and use that as your guide.

The cost, depending on where you live, could be any where from $5,000 a month up to $12,000 a month. And from that amount you use said monies to pay for room/board for your mother in your home..... the cost of paying outside help to come into your home.... and costs deducted for special items such as if your Mom needs a hospital bed, walker, special clothing, Depends, etc.

Instead of snacks, wean your Mother over to grapes, apples, pears, etc. which the rest of the family will also enjoy.