I asked a question a few days ago on here and got wonderful answers, now I have another question. before going in for the biopsy 19 days ago my mom was not in any pain that was not managed by her fentanyl patch and 600mg ibuprfen, which she was on for fused vertebre and titanium cage in her neck. After leaving the hospital after her biopsy she was in pain from the manipulations done for xrays and biopsy, which is normal for her to hurt a few days after her neck is jostled. When we got home she was able to do just about anything she wanted but was in some pain from the procedures, we called hospice the day she got home from hospital and they came in and put her first on oxycontin, as soon as she took the ocycontin everything changed, I have not had a conversation with my mom since 4 hours after her taking the oxy's. next another nurse from the hospice service came in and prescribed morphine oral, and ativan, now not only was my mom out of it, she was now sleeping nonstop, they then changed her fentanyl from 25mg to 50 mg even though she was not acting or indicating any pain, they told me she would come out of the stupor after getting used to the new drugs. she has not, my sister and i have withheld the pain meds for over 17 hours and she becomes more alert and says she is not in any pain even without the meds, she has trouble eating and drinking anything because we cant keep her awake long enough to do so, when she does take a dirnk she falls asleep before she swallows it and chokes on it and then because of her coughing starts to throw up..occasionally she had this problem before all the meds with this because of the neck surgery and issues from that, being sedated like this has made it 1000 times worse. today another nurse came in and even though they upped her fentanyl 3 days ago to 50 mg they again upped it to 75 mg. I feel like hospice is literally medicating her to death. when i talk to the nurses or even the people at the hospice they say her cancer is bad and she needs the pain meds, but before finding out she had cancer and before the autopsy she wasnt in pain, none of the nurses have seen my mom until after she took the first oxy so they dont seem to grasp that before the first oxy my mom was alert not in pain and self sufficient. now my mom is very dehydrated, she still asks for drinks and food, but wont last without hydration. im considering taking her to the hospital knowing that i will lose hospice if I do, but i f I dont I will lose my mom in the next few days if not sooner. yesterday she had no meds for 17 hours, she started getting more alert and could talk more and still said shes not in pain. can i get back on hospice somewhere else if i lose it for taking her to the hospital? please any advice?
As far as your sister and how you're being treated goes, that's sadder than sad. I'd think they could at least make sure you were able to go to the funeral. Families often fall apart when a core member dies and this seems to be the way it is with your family. You aren’t alone, as difficult as it is.
Do you have a religious organization you can turn to? Maybe someone there could help gather some money so you could go to the funeral.
A grief support group may help you, as well. While most hospice organizations are wonderful, some are not. It sounds as though you had a tough experience, so that support group – if they offer one – may not be the one you want. But if you ask around at counseling agencies, making it clear you have no money, maybe you'll find a group where you can share your pain. Meanwhile, please keep us posted on how you are doing.
Whatever happens - even if you miss your mom’s funeral - you did what mattered to her while she was alive. Your sister will never have that feeling. Keep that knowledge in your heart while you put your life back together. You can do that. You will.
Take care of yourself like your mom wants you to.
Carol
you all are really awesome and have already made me feel better about my decision. Really what do i have to lose by switching her...thanks again.
I so understand. You need to forgive your family for being narcissistic. You have served and loved your mom well, and God sees your care. He is mindful of what you've graciously done and are doing to make your mom comfortable. It is precious time with our loved ones as they decline, and I am personally grateful for the experience - as hard as it has been at times.
I've had to CONTINUE to forgive my siblings for their continued narcissism and neglect of my mother... It has caused me to cry several times - for my Mom!!! Even thinking about it brings tears to my eyes and I get choked up.
You are a good son. She is blessed to have you near.
Let us know how it goes, I am sorry that you are not having a supportive experience from your current hospice. Take care.
I have some accounts to post, but will do so on a new thread. I just want to caution people about choosing Hospice.
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