I can't do it. It's too much for me. I have no idea what I am doing and she needs almost constant care. How can they even do that ? How do they know I am capable? They want me to use a lift to change her diapers and bedpan by myself? They say she makes too much for me to get paid anything for this. Yet at the same time she doesn't make enough money to go into a nursing home or other facility with medical professionals who know what they are doing.
She has advanced dementia, she needs help with all things. She cannot sit up. Needs to be repositioned so as not to get bed sores. Needs a complicated variety of medications for various things at different times a day. Also needs pain medication and or nerve blockers for phantom limb pain. She is incontinent and needs to be changed several times a day.
She is also on oxygen which needs to be monitored and administered.
I don't understand how it is that me, with no training or assistance and also having no money, am entrusted with her care.
I've been through this before. They send visiting nurses and physical therapists for a time once a week, but no disrespect, they do absolutely nothing for me or my mother. They check her blood pressure, listen with a stethoscope, see of she can move her arms and that's about it.
My mom needs more than help than I can give her. No one will help. I'm on my own yet at the same time I run the risk of getting in trouble should my care for her be deemed inadequate.
I suppose some of you might know how hard it is to keep an immobile person's nether regions clean! And to stay on top of bed sores!
This is my mother, she needs professional, skilled care! My care is loving, but I am overwhelmed and afraid. Her mental state makes it really impossible to tell how she is doing, if she is not well or if something is wrong. I don't know what to look for. I'm expected to be able to do all this and know all this but I couldn't walk in and get a job as a nurse.
I don't know why I am posting this really, a web forum can't help me and I am ready to be torn a new one in response anyways.
I just don't know what to do.
Call them first thing in the morning and say that you changed your mind and that there is NO WAY that you can provide that level of care. REFUSE to take her home. Say it would not be safe for either of you. Her needs are complicated and she deserves and needs professional care that you are NOT able to provide.
Do NOT let the rehab facility bully you into saying yes. Say you're sorry but you just can not do it. If they insist, I would NOT be home when they say they are coming.
I'm not sure why they say a group home is the only option. What about a nursing home??
You may have to take a placement that is less than ideal and keep looking for a better place to transfer her to at a later date.
Nevada allows Miller Trusts.
This is what she will need to set up to qualify for long term care.
Tell the facility that you CAN NOT SAFELY care for her. Period. It is an unsafe discharge because she doesn't have care at home.
Keep saying no, no matter what they say to you.
The state will step in and take over her life. This includes all of her assets as well. If this makes you homeless then find a certified elder law attorney (www.nelf.org) to help you get the Miller Trust set up and get your mom qualified for assistance.
I think I would be talking to the patient advocate and screaming elder endangerment by sending her home.
You can do this!
When I told them I did not think I was able to care for her anymore they said the only option was a group home that would require 3 months rent paid in advance. The monthly rent was a few hundred dollars more than her monthly income.
I told them this wasn't possible financially and the lady I spoke with then lowered the requirements to one month in advance, then to no months in advance and brought the monthly rent down by a few hundred dollars.
That she would barter like this made me feel really uncomfortable so I declined the offer and agreed to having her come home.
I don't feel comfortable with claiming endangerment when I would be the one caring for her. I have not endangered her and I do not deserve to be charged of any crime.
Right now I am living with her but now that is only because I have to, they are sending her home to my care. I have other arrangements I would be utilizing if I were not required to be my mom's full time care giver.
She owns her own home, so I am hoping that this will help in providing for her the care she needs.
It just seems so complicated to me.
Thank you for your insights. I appreciate it.