I can't do it. It's too much for me. I have no idea what I am doing and she needs almost constant care. How can they even do that ? How do they know I am capable? They want me to use a lift to change her diapers and bedpan by myself? They say she makes too much for me to get paid anything for this. Yet at the same time she doesn't make enough money to go into a nursing home or other facility with medical professionals who know what they are doing.
She has advanced dementia, she needs help with all things. She cannot sit up. Needs to be repositioned so as not to get bed sores. Needs a complicated variety of medications for various things at different times a day. Also needs pain medication and or nerve blockers for phantom limb pain. She is incontinent and needs to be changed several times a day.
She is also on oxygen which needs to be monitored and administered.
I don't understand how it is that me, with no training or assistance and also having no money, am entrusted with her care.
I've been through this before. They send visiting nurses and physical therapists for a time once a week, but no disrespect, they do absolutely nothing for me or my mother. They check her blood pressure, listen with a stethoscope, see of she can move her arms and that's about it.
My mom needs more than help than I can give her. No one will help. I'm on my own yet at the same time I run the risk of getting in trouble should my care for her be deemed inadequate.
I suppose some of you might know how hard it is to keep an immobile person's nether regions clean! And to stay on top of bed sores!
This is my mother, she needs professional, skilled care! My care is loving, but I am overwhelmed and afraid. Her mental state makes it really impossible to tell how she is doing, if she is not well or if something is wrong. I don't know what to look for. I'm expected to be able to do all this and know all this but I couldn't walk in and get a job as a nurse.
I don't know why I am posting this really, a web forum can't help me and I am ready to be torn a new one in response anyways.
I just don't know what to do.
I would love to help you (if I can). What state are you in?
if your mom doesn’t make enough money have you tried you applying for “Medicaid” in the state you’re in? They call it something different depending on the state. Also, try reaching out to your states local Ombudsman for help & resources. That’s who I learned about my mothers rights and where I can get help from.
The people from my local Ombudsman were extremely helpful!
I hope this was helpful.
Do you have to care for her because financially she can not go some place with medical care? Again the senior services should be able to talk you through available options.
Is there a church with visiting volunteers? Can they bring a meal?
Also you need some resources and books on dementia to calm fears about what to expect or what is a warning sign.
If you feel your dr is not supportive to your concerns, are their other dr ( geriatric specialty?)