Mom is blind and very crippled with osteoporosis, yet she wants her favorite weed hoe, she wants a little vase that meant so much to her, she wants a hair brush she left behind. She seems alert and bright, but she tells me that she cries all day sometimes because she wants something that is gone. I have explained that the items were not saved. There are other things she obsesses about also. I don't know how to help her regain her happiness! I am unhappy myself because I can't help her.
Still, it's a good lesson for those of us who will do the mother move-out in the future to wait for a bit before getting rid of everything, and holding on to what we see as most likely to be missed.
My mother died before my father, and he cleared out the house. He has been dead for 16 years, and I'm still mad at him for throwing out her book of handwritten and clipped-out recipes. He thought we would be happier with the Time-Life international cookbook series. So in a sense, you can't win.
We cannot always convince a person to change their attitude, whether it be about possessions or anything else. But we as individuals can continue to learn and grow, and in doing so, hopefully avoid becoming that much more of a burden to others when we are in need of special care.
I’d like to quote from “Steps Toward Inner Peace” by Peace Pilgrim, who helped give me perspective regarding possessions: “Material things must be put into their proper place. They are there for use. It’s all right to use them; that’s what they’re there for. But when they’ve outlived their usefulness, be ready to relinquish them and perhaps pass them on to someone who does need them. Anything that you cannot relinquish when it has outlived its usefulness possesses you….”
Our most valuable possessions are those inner qualities that define us. No thief can take them, no moth can eat them, they do not rust, or decay. If we can help someone under our care to realize this, that is a good thing. We cannot change those who are unwilling to change. But we can at least cultivate our own inner nature, so that we will appreciate those who help us when the time comes that we need them.
And Mom told them to throw it out! Svenska47 already feels bad. She shouldn't.