How should I respond when my Mom ask the same questions over and over? She typically ask if her husband died, which he did 6 months ago. She asks over and over. Later she may ask who he was. Another day it may be where is my cat? She will ask every few minutes for hours. The cat is only in the yard which my mom knows. Should I answer every time she ask or ignore her? She gets really angry so I do not want to make it worse.
this is difficult and yes of course you should respond to her each time, but can be very challenging of course. It is sometimes best to try to divert her and engage in something if possible, maybe put some gentle music on that you know she likes, chat about it and ask why she likes it and does it remind her of anything, assuming you are able to engage with her, I have looked after a few people with dementia and find that doing an activity can sometimes help maybe you can let me know if there is anything in particular she enjoys, also if her sight is ok. You said when she is asks after the cat she keeps asking, you say the cat is in the yard and she knows that, but if the short term memory is affected she will forget within seconds, sadly.
When she starts asking the same questions explain to her that you realize how important it is for her to have answers so you wrote them down for her. Give her the paper to read. It will give you a break and help satisfy her need to get answers.
Examples:
"It's upstairs/down the hall, outside."
"Tomorrow."
"I'll need to check on that."
"Good observation."
So, when she asks you a question, answer her.
How many times as a little child did you ask all the Why questions, ect. Did she answer you or ignore you.
Treat her as you woukd want to be treated.
Mom does not "know" the cat is in the yard. She may have known but that information gets lost in a brain that no longer processes or retains information.
She does not "know" her husband died for the same reason.
She is getting angry for possibly 2 reasons.
She "knows" she should know the answer to the questions she is asking but is frustrated that she doesn't .
She is picking up on your frustration at being asked the same questions 10 to 15 times an hour.
So when you answer her question the second time rephrase the answer.
First time..
Mom: Where is the cat?
You: In the yard.
Second time...
Mom Where is the cat?
You: I don't know, I think I saw it in the yard, why don't we bring your chair over to the window so we can look for it.
Third time...
Mom: Where is the cat?
You: Mom, do you want a snack? Let's go get some yogurt.
You can find some way different to answer each time. One answer may not be processed but another might be.
I personally have no trouble just answering as many times as the questions are asked.
Many families encounter the refusal to enter residential care, and if the decision is based on your mom’s safety and physical and mental well being, getting her there becomes just the business of getting her what she needs.
She may be angry, perhaps furious. She may scream, swear, accuse you of injuring her or stealing from her. In losing memory, she has lost at least some degree of reasoning and control of herself. All of the anger will be coming from her illness, not from what she really feels about you.
Taking care of her and getting the services she needs may be the hardest job you ever do. She is fortunate to have you.
Be sure to take good care of yourself too.