Bills are paid automatically, so we don't know where the money ($1000-1500/mo) is going. Mom has dementia, FIL is right behind her, beginning stages. My husband has financial POA but Elder Care attorney says that without going to court for conservatorship, we can't control their spending. How is this going to affect the spend down when she needs Medicaid? She is 91, he is 89. He may be sending cash in mail to various "charities" and for supplements such as "stem cells" which are totally take but we can't convince him to stop.
Your FIL is not actually your hubs father but is a step-father, right?
& hubs mom is actually few years older & worse off than FiL, right?
Could it be the case that FILs kids will not be supportive of his paying or using “his $$$” for moms care for the day when she needs to go into a facility? What’s your heart 2 heart take on all this?
I’ve been on this site for quite a while and it’s a rare situation where the kids from prior marriages view the 2nd or 3rd spouse as a tru partner to their parent. What seems to happen is prior marriage kids give lip service in “we just oh so love MeeMaw” but will cut her out of a penny if they can. Would this describe any of his kids or better yet.... their spouses?
If you think this might be lurking, please please get your hubs to find a new attorney (I’d go CELA level) to discuss if best conservatorship or guardianship for his mom and let them come up with options as to how to deal with her future LTC Medicaid application. LTC Medicaid for when there is the NH spouse (his mom) & staying in the community spouse (FIL would be a CS) is just imho not a simple or straightforward process. It’s pretty daunting and each state has its own unique system. There’s going to be a separation of each of their incomes but it’s joint on all assets but how to do best for Medicaid varies. Plus the CS is going to do some sort of CSRA or MMNA (these are resource allowances - kinda like old school style alimony), & yeah this too varies by state. If you live in another state and his kids will likely be 1 sided when it comes to $ & assets, you & hubs will just have to get an attorney to represent your hubs moms interests.
At 91 & w/dementia, his mom is not going to get any better.
At 89, getting cash withdrawals & not recognizing if it’s $5 or $50, your FIL is going to be fleeced.
There’s going to be a fall or fire or other situation that places 1 needing a facility immediately. Hubs needs to get pit-bullie proactive for both his moms & his FIL health, safety & security. And that means getting a new attorney & soon. It’s not a DIY. We can share with you insight on our own experiences, but you need a new attorney to do what’s needed & soon. Good luck.
We just took my dads away. He didnt know. Gave him a few bucks to spend at pharmacy.
I had a guy call me one time demanding my soc security #. I just laughed and he got angrier and threatening. So can you imagine an elderly person getting scared. Sad.
It's an uphill battle to get a court to give you guardianship. That takes away ALL their rights, including voting, receiving mail, money from any source, etc. The guardian must approve (and order) everything, even medical care. I don't know about conservatorship. That may be different.
Questions to be answered:
If all their bills are paid automatically from their checking account, does their account hold enough to cover rising costs, so they withdraw from savings to cover them? (My own monthly costs have gone up $200/month over the last year. SSI went up $45.)
Have they had enough in checking to cover unusual yearly expenses, such as taxes, medical costs or prescriptions not covered by Medicare, auto repairs, an updated wardrobe?
Have they contracted for an expense, such as a newer vehicle, a stairlift to a second floor, uncovered medical equipment?
You can ask these questions in a way that preserves their dignity and their rights to spend their money until they are completely incompetent..
Or are they spending down so they will qualify for Medicaid when the time comes? After all, they are in their 90s.
I take cash out every 2 weeks for my husband & I for various expenses. And all our bills are on auto-pay as well — those bills that can be. Am sharing this because it could be innocent.