I show her that we are right across the hall from her, but she doesn't care, she wants someone in her bed. I explain that I can't, I sleep with my husband (I'm afraid to start something that I won't be able to stop by sleeping with her). Mom has dementia and gets in these "states" where she just won't listen and is telling wild tales. Later she calms down but this discussion can last for a couple of hours and it's getting more frequent. Used to be once a week maybe now almost every night. Last night after I told her she could not crawl into bed with us, there wasn't room she asked to put a cot in our bedroom. Not sure how to handle this. Any suggestions appreciated.
Thank you.
I hardly think a little hook lock on the outside of the door is going to get the fire department all worked up. A hook lock. Not a deadbolt.
Also, a little hook lock is a lot easier to unlatch with one finger in an emergency such as a fire, then it would to take a gate down. Of course today the whole world is zero tolerance on this and on that. Really all this means is zero thinking. There are appropriate restraints that do not harm and keep a person safe. Yet, they are no longer allowed. I remember in the nursing home my father was in. They considered him a fall risk. So rather than put up the side rails on his bed for this purpose, they put a mat on the floor. Better the frail, elderly person fall out of bed onto the floor then prevent such risk with side rails up. I suppose it's better the demented elder fall on the floor trying to get over a baby gate, then to put a little hook on the outside of the door.
Whatever you do, DO NOT start sleeping with her. You cannot allow that habit to be established with her. The same as parents cannot allow that habit to be established with a child. Also, you have to learn how to ignore with love. People often have to do this with kids. Stop answering her and explaining to her all night long. When it's bedtime, it's bedtime and that's it. You have to ignore her.
I've known many of my homecare clients whose families were at the end of their rope because they had an elder with dementia who wouldn't sleep on their own. With a few of the married couples the elder with dementia would leave their room and get into bed with them. You can't have that.
The anti-anxiety medication at night and a doll or teddy bear helped. You may also have to put a lock on the outside of her bedroom door too. A few families I worked for had to do that. It's for the senior's own safety. If they're still mobile but have dementia, they can get up at night and wander.
Thanks!
Some seniors with dementia find comfort in a toy - a stuffed animal or a doll.
Also talk to her doctor about either an anti-anxiety medication or a sleep medication to help her get to sleep easier.
Trazodone is an atypical antidepressant well tolerated by elders. It causes drowsiness (helps fall asleep) and has a mild appetite stimulus (helps with appetite for breakfast, which is usually the best meal of the day anyway.)
Sometimes one or two tablets of acetaminophen can help relieve the aches and pains that are more prominent when a person is alone in the dark with no distractions.
You cannot talk to a person with dementia as if they do not have it.
Set boundaries; stick to them; be kind and clear.
* Never ever argue. Instead, acknowledge their feelings or reflective communication "I hear you saying . . . " ... "I understand you feel xxx"
I suggest you consider / try:
* a body pillow
* Dog or cat that move and make animal noises - requires batteries so not sure good for in the bed under the covers.
* Consider medication to help with the fear causing the distress and request
* Get a cot and ask someone to spend the night - try for once a week. They could talk to her until she falls asleep.
* Get a CD player for soothing music.
* DO NOT allow anyone to sleep in her bed w/her unless you/family member you trust. Sharing a bed sounds very unhealthy and a habit you do not want to start.
* Try a foot massage (or hand, or head) before sleep time to relax her.
* If a discussion lasts longer than you feel is warranted, this is your responsibility to end it - learn to set boundaries. You are giving your personal power away and allowing adverse patterns of behavior to be set up.
- After you clarify your position and what will and will not happen, say "I'll write this down for you" so you'll have a reference OR "we discussed xxx (bullet point reminder). If you want to discuss it more, we can do that tomorrow." then LEAVE the room.
Gena and nighty night. Sleep tight !
Thank you.
These are used for kiddos with anxiety.
Here's an example:
https://smile.amazon.com/Weighted-Blanket-Kids-SENSORY4U-Concentration/dp/B07PF3137C/ref=sr_1_3?crid=2G8DYGR1I0JGA&keywords=weighted+stuffed+animals+for+anxiety&qid=1637275620&qsid=138-4997505-3834203&sprefix=weighted+stuffed%2Caps%2C197&sr=8-3&sres=B07MM395FQ%2CB07PF3137C%2CB07NSDS64K%2CB095MG8WVK%2CB07YL6HYYX%2CB079Y6JHN6%2CB08NYM1FVK%2CB002STBXJI%2CB07GT8PWLS%2CB07VTXCTVC%2CB01LZAFBBD%2CB004AP8DT6%2CB08BST34Y3%2CB002WILK7A%2CB01IV2DINO%2CB07D9ZKMTP%2CB083Q1JCNP%2CB01LXC8Y9T%2CB082Z63FNV%2CB08WC63FNH
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/elderly-mother-with-dementia-wants-sleep-in-my-bed-210089.htm?orderby=recent
I have and use a large Bamboo body pillow you can find here:
https://www.amazon.com/Linen-Plus-Shredded-Breathable-Hypoallergenic/dp/B07LFNQL7Y/ref=sr_1_5?crid=1HBHD6Q1HSTL9&keywords=bamboo+body+pillow&qid=1637257583&sprefix=bamboo+body+%2Caps%2C281&sr=8-5
This pillow is VERY heavy b/c it's filled with shredded memory foam. You can buy a pillowcase for it and 'dress' the pillowcase up as a character, like a woman with hair, a face, and wearing clothing. Make it look like a 'girlfriend' in other words, if you are handy with a needle and thread. You can lay this pillow next to mom and she can hug it/hold onto it and it may feel to her like a body in bed with her, no joke. The pillow is 54" long, the size of a person..........so it may just do the trick to help her feel not so alone in her own bed.
Just a thought.
Best of luck with a difficult situation.
https://www.amazon.com/Ageless-Innovation-Companion-Lifelike-Realistic/dp/B017JQQ01A/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=Companion+cat&qid=1637256526&sr=8-2
Comes in 3 different colors.
Maybe a stuffed animal or a doll would help. There are realistic cats and dogs. Like a small child, something for security. She maybe looking at u as her mother not her daughter.