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Loni54: Perhaps you can check the side effects of her medications.
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Ringing phones do not have to be answered. I think this is a generational thing... I don't even answer my phone if I don't know who it is calling.

You say she's in Assisted Living, so let them assist with her living.
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Boy do I feel your pain . My mom has / is high drama high maintenance fir as long as I can remember.
my mom is in assisted living too. And calls. And calls. AND CALLS!
she can’t go on - she’s worthless….
I am currently trying very hard to answer every OTHER phone call. Then the plan is to not answer calls at night.
*something that helped me was to call her / on MY terms when I was ready . *That took care of the phone calls for the 2 hours at least bc I knew she was safe . I just wouldn’t pick up .
I was walking the dog, doing laundry.Any excuse was at the
tip ofmy tongue for when she asked why I didn’t pick up, ive even knocked at my own door and said oh! Someone is here, gotta run!
anything to cut short a truly complaining call. I knew she was safe and I’m training her not to call . I hope it doesn’t sound horrible, but my sanity was at stake!!
I also made appointment with psych . She’s so negative I bet she won’t go ~. But, I’m trying to create buffers and time between calls. I hope this is helpful.
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JoAnn29 Jul 2022
Are u the only one she calls? Does Mom have Dementia? If not, then she needs to understand that she cannot keep calling you because she is where she needs to be. That living on her own or with you are not options. I am not beyond a little threat. She stops calling you to just complain, or your taking her phone away. Your rolls have changed. You are now the parent, her the child. She needs u more than you need her. Set up a time of day when you will call her. After dinner, before TV. She will not get used to depending on staff and participating in activities if she is calling you all the time. You need to set boundries for yourself and stick to them.

If she has Dementia, there is no reasoning with her. I would "lose" the phone and tell the staff they are not to allow her to call you on their phones. Emergency calls only.

If you use a cell, remove her # from your contact list. (U can leave her # in, lets say notes) Put your phone on Do Not Disturb, and her call will go to VM. You don't even hear it ring thru. I set my DND to only allow texts and calls from contacts list to come thru. From 11pm to 9am I don't even have it set up for texts or calls.

You need to take control not allow her to control you. She is safe, fed and cared for. You now can have a life.
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I would suggest reading Liz Scheier's memoir of trying to deal with her Mom's mental illness for decades (along with the attempted help of the city and state of NY). To no avail. You need to turn off your phones, let your Mom know that constant calling will not be tolerated. If you supply the phone, stop doing that You need to monitor calls, letting them go to the answer machine. There is nothing like a little training to discover what works and what doesn't. As you said, you have attempted to deal with this with MDs. That is about the only resource you have. I am so sorry you are going through all this and my heart goes out to you, but there is no dealing with a disease or disorder. They win, hands down, every time.
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Voicemail all her calls. Only talk to her when you wish to. If she has an emergency, the staff will call you; answer their calls.
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