My MIL has been sitting on the toilet now over 6 hours…. She won’t move, doesn’t seem to be in pain, but screams bloody murder at me when I offer to help (at first, I wasn’t sure if she couldn’t get up, but now I think it might be a constipation problem)…. She won’t leave and doesn’t understand how much time has passed. I know sitting excessively on the toilet can cause real problems, hence why I’m not keen to just let her stay where she is. I’d give her stool softener or prune juice, but she won’t accept food in the bathroom (which otherwise I’d agree with).
She has a lot of difficulty moving past things that she thinks “needs to get done”. She couldn’t find her pants a few weeks ago (they were in her hamper) and she stood for 3 hours looking through her drawers trying to find them.
Ideas? Commiserations? Anyone been through this, too?
Check with your mom's doctor and see if she can take the following.
One dose of Metamucil dietary fiber in a glass of water at night and a half-dose of Phillip's Milk of Magnesia before she goes to bed. I have had many homecare clients whose doctors recommended exactly this. Only a half-dose of the Milk of Magnesia. Often the full dose can be too much. It works for people with constipation issues.
No one requires six hours on the toilet. Tell her that either she's getting up because clearly nothing is happening today, or you're calling an ambulance and she's going to the hospital. Do not let this go on.
It occurred to me that caregivers here give advice based upon what they have learned over the years and/or after being in nursing/CNA or other hands on caregiving. However, some caregivers may not have experience in hands on care.
This is your Mil coming to live with you, do you have any experience in nursing or caregiving? I am asking because your Mil may soon be too much for anyone to care for, whatever your skills. Of course you can learn. However, there are some behaviors that requires a staff at memory care. There are some physical issues that become too difficult for 1-2 caregivers in the home. No one can do this 24/7, it is not sustainable.
Even though I 'knew better', (medical assistant and some nursing school), when it came time to care for my elder loved one, I had to login here one New Year's Eve, worried about b/p but going to ER that night was not a good idea for anyone. It is really hard to be a family member vs. being a professional.
The caregivers here helped me through it.
So if you ever have a need to get immediate advice, feel free and ask again.
So glad this time was uneventful for you. Pat yourself on the back for knowing when to seek help. 🫂🫂🧸️🎶🍷
We are currently getting a referral for a geriatrician so that we can get a diagnosis. Once we have that, we can put on her on waiting lists for LTC. Currently, the one with the shortest wait near us is 3.5 years. The longest is 13 years…. It’s insane. Honestly, I’m not sure how we’re going to do 3.5 years. She has very little money (she had made a bad investment and lost it all), and so cannot afford the whopping 3 grand a month for private LTC. We cannot afford that either, not even split between my SIL and us, so we’re kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place, like so many people on this site.
We’ll just keep on keeping on. Not much else we can do.
Thank you though for your words of encouragement. Deeply appreciated during my stressful day.
Good news is, she’s finally OFF of the toilet! (I never thought I would say that much less write those words…)
I think two things were contributing factors in solving the problem. 1. I told her I had to go and asked her how much longer she would be, and then when she wasn’t moving her butt, I threatened to call 911 if she didn’t leave the bathroom.
She’s in a foul mood, but finally eating her breakfast. I put Restoralax in some coffee, so hopefully that will help, and Hubby will have to take her back to the doctor to make sure she’s not completely blocked.
I can’t help but be annoyed because my whole day got hijacked by an old lady on the toilet, but I was too worried to leave her alone, lest she fall and hit her head. Now everything I had lined up for today now can’t be done until NEXT Thursday…
Ah well. Letting it slide off and moving on.
Thanks again for your support, everyone. You’re awesome!!!
Then, give her some coffee if she does not have an impaction.
Let us know how you are doing with this.
You might need to make her mad enough to move off the pot if you cannot persuade her or trick her.
Does she have some level of cognitive disorder? I have to think so, nobody wants to sit in the bathroom for that length of time. Does she do this often? Is it new?
Trying to 'fix' constipation AFTER the fact is so much harder than dealing with it beforehand--but you know that.
When I underwent chemo, one drug would cause the most horrific constipation. I figured out how to pre-dose--drank 1/2cup warm prune juice with Miralax mixed in. I actually liked it--and having it warmed seemed to help. If I did this every night for the week or so the drug was still causing problems, I was fine.
Getting things to 'move' is trickier.
2 fleet 'glycerin' inserts into the rectum (OF COURSE you glove up first!!) Try to get her to hold those in for as long as possible. Often that will kind of grease the skids, so to speak. You can repeat that as needed. Gentle abdominal massage (just google how to do that) can also help produce a movement. Last ditch would be an enema or two, but lay down a lot of towels, chux or something to protect the bed. Again--GLOVE UP and warm the enema fluid just a little. Follow the instructions on the box. It will probably be hard to get her to hold that in for 5 minutes, but the longer she can retain the enema, the better.
If all this fails, a trip to the ER for a manual clean out. I hope that doesn't have to happen.
And, yes, her mental issues are totally normal. My mom obsesses over the oddest things, but nothing to really worry about.
I wish you luck. Seems like we slid right from diapering our babies to diapering our parents.
Maybe her legs have gone to sleep? I don't know, but you are wise to be concerned, imo. I do hope she is okay and I am not over reacting.
Do you have someone (strong) who can remove her by wrapping her and lying her on the floor onto some pillows and towels? This so her legs can get blood flowing...
People often have to call 911 for a lift assist if they have fallen. I hope it does not end with that. To make an assessment, look at her feet if she will allow you near her. Any areas of white, (blanching), areas of redness? Does she talk, can you ask her if her feet have gone to sleep? Can you move one foot to see if she cries out?
Go in there, intrude if you have to. Start washing your hands. Distract her. See what she does. Tell her you need to use the bathroom.
Yes, sitting on the commode for long periods can cause hemorrhoids for one. Her balance may be off when she does get off if her legs fall asleep.
I think I might try to lure her out with some commotion in another room. Bang on a pot lid or something and see if she will come investigate. Or say hello to a fictional person at the door in a loud cherry voice or pretend to call an ambulance and say loudly bring two strong men with tools. She is stuck to the commode. Or maybe pretend to be on the phone with someone you know she always enjoys talking to. If nothing you can think of distracts her enough to get her to get up, you may indeed need to have her taken to the ER to see if she has an impaction.