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Sounds like you are doing great. All the siblings are communicating and helping. Your Mom is getting older and health issues will happen. No ones fault. Let your Mom continue to handle as much as she can and maintain her independence. Spend some time thinking about what you want going forward. Don’t make those decisions during a crisis. Personally I would not move from my happy home.

Also start setting boundaries with your MIL. Sounds like she is laying the groundwork for her care.
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First off your mother is extremely ungrateful for the help you have provided. She is the one who should feel guilty. She is of sound mind...why isn't she setting all this up for herself? Quite frankly I think you are doing too much and your mother appreciates none of it. I can't believe she thinks because you are a woman that this is your job. My 72 year old husband (I'm 53) just passed by me with the clean sheets. He is going up to make the bed. So her thinking is not a generational thing. Do what you can and be satisfied that you did your best. Throw away any of those ideas that your life in Florida needs to end so she can live her in her home state. I get the feeling your mother is grooming you to leave Florida and take over her burden with her husband.
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JoAnn29 Jan 2021
I agree, and same with my DH. No, he doesn't cook but he can make himself a p/n butter and jelly Sandwich. He vacuums, makes beds, does laundry etc.
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Read back to yourself everything that you wrote in your post, about everything you have done so far for your mom, and her husband, from Florida nonetheless. And you feel guilty why??? My goodness, you sound like you're doing more than your brothers who live close. You have to be realistic with your expectations, because you do live in another state, and only so much can be done from afar. You are doing a great job, so quit beating yourself up and just remember that you are but one person, and can only do but so much. If you could do it all you would be God, and last time I checked there's only one of Him. (well actually 3, when you include Jesus and the Holy Spirit, but that's a whole different subject) So do what you can, and have peace that you're doing your best, and get back to enjoying your wonderful life in Florida. God bless you.
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I think you have done very well. Its hard to coordinate things when u live close by let alone miles away. I would hope brothers appreciate all the effort and financial help.

Guilt is self inflicted. Being the daughter you probably feel that you should be more hands on. But that's not possible in ur situation. Its only a broken ankle. It will heal. She will get back to her daily life. I am 71 and I can't see a broken ankle laying me up for any extended time. Your brothers are there. Just tell them if they need anything, call.

Just a thought. I hope at 71 I can coordinate my own care. But then I know how it all works. One, because I worked for a Visiting Nurse Assoc and another because I was involved in my parents care. Upon discharge the patient is offered rehab if needed. The facilities available are given and the client choses the one they want. After rehab, in home care maybe suggested. This too is set up with the facility. Once home, in home care calls and sets up admission and times for OT/PT. An aide is usually included while under in home. All this is paid mostly by Medicare.

Now with Moms husband she may need help in finding resources for him. Eventually she may need to place him in a facility. In this instance she may need help maneuvering Medicaid and other resources. But don't disable her. Unless she has some cognitive decline, she should do things on her own. If you disable her, she will turn to u more and more often. My Mom did everything on her own with my Dad. I only stepped in when Moms Dementia made it hard for her to make decisions.

Yes, that comment you MIL said ... look out. She may think her care is her son's responsibility and urs as his wife. Its not.
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"My mom is only 71, and prior to the ankle issue, she was getting along well. She is very independent and I want to support her".

Do just that. Let her get on with it & be a friendly ear over the phone/video. Lose the guilt - nothing to feel guilty about. Be proud that your Mom is independent & you support that!

My approach would be Mom has two working hands & can make her own phone calls to arrange her own appointments 😉

As for MIL & her 'daughter' remark... bit 1800s?? Oh well. Poor lil old me just is too girly & weak to ever help you up if you fall... Better call EMS... & I couldn't possibly lift your groceries or haul you around in my car, I'm just a dainty girl 😆😆😆
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Ask your BROTHERS what they need from you, what you can do from afar that would be most beneficial, then proceed accordingly. Unless you want to give up your life in FL to move in with the folks, you can't expect to be performing Superwoman feats from another state. Seems to me you're doing more than most long distance children do, so your guilt is unfounded. And your MILs advice is totally out of line. Not to mention a big fat (covert)HINT about what SHE expects from YOU, when her time comes.

Accept that your best IS good enough and let all the insecurities go.
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Beatty Jan 2021
Ha yes! MIL was priming the line there alright!
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Frankly, your MIL was out of line with that comment. None of your mother’s health issues are your fault or responsibility. You’ve done well with long distance caregiving, many use distance as an excuse to do nothing. Your mother is blessed to have you
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I am so sorry that you are struggling with this situation.

Think about this logically. How can your mom’s ankle possibly be your fault? It is certainly NOT your fault.

Please disregard what your MIL said. I absolutely hate that certain people feel like everything should fall on a daughter’s shoulders.

Besides, you don’t live in the same state as your mom. You are doing all that you possibly can.

Her ankle will heal. It takes time.

What else do you feel that you could do? Seems like you are dealing with the bulk of things.
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