I saw an Article about aging parent needing to get a letter of competency. I needed to show it to my mom and now I can’t find it. My mom is very able to make decisions for herself much to my brothers beliefs. I want to see what she needs from the Dr again because she has a Drs appointment soon and I want to go with her and request this before she is pushed to get a poa.
My FIL has one of those. I could show it to you. It's not worth the paper it's printed on. It says all the right things. It has the official letterhead of a board certified physician. It is signed by his Primary doctor of many years. It's all nice and legal on paper. Nothing shady, it's not a forgery or a fake. It is a legitimate letter from his physician.
It's just not true. No cognitive assessment was ever completed. No questions were ever asked - of my FIL or of his family as to his mental state, his memory, his ability to take care of himself, his ability to make decisions. He literally just called his doctor's office up one day and told him that he needed a letter from his doctor stating that he was competent and that he had capacity and his cognition was still good. His doctor put one together lickety-split and dropped a copy in his portal and put the official one in the mail - overnight. FIL provided it to the requestor and all was right with the world.
Except....it's not. He's in the midst of being diagnosed with dementia. He is completely incapable of taking care of himself if someone else doesn't do 95% of it for him. He makes incredibly poor decisions. Someone constantly has to get in his way to ensure that he doesn't fall for scams or he would lose his money to every pretty face or fast or smooth talker that wants to offer him the chance for some free money.
So...do you want a letter of competence?Or do you want a real cognitive assessment by a geriatric psychiatrist who can tell you the honest truth one way or the other? Because a true assessment may indeed tell you that your mother is very able to make her own decisions. Or it may tell you that your mother is much more dependent on your brother than just for groceries and a few errands.
My FIL, who just recently moved to a nursing home, would tell you that before he moved, he was independent. That would be because he paid the bills. But independent is a flat out lie. Co-dependent - that would be closer to the truth. He was COMPLETELY dependent on my SIL and BIL for his every need, except monetarily. He didn't eat if they didn't bring him food. He didn't see a doctor if they didn't take him. He could barely get himself to the bathroom. Water miraculously appeared in his cup, Medication miraculously appeared in his hand. He was "independent" and "fully capable of taking care of himself" and making his own (horrendous) choices, but not capable of getting himself out of his own messes.
But he had that letter of competence, by God. He had "perfect cognition" according to his doctor. His new doctor...begs to differ. Like REALLY begs to differ.
So make sure you know what it is you really want. Some one will almost always give you what it is you ask for.
Does Mom feel if she sells the house ur brother is entitled to his inheritance? He is not entitled to his inheritance until Mom passes. I so hope your are keeping a record of the payments ur making. If it were me, I would be on that deed as half owner or owner. If Medicaid gets involved you can always sell it for her care. In the meantime, her home is protected. Even if hevwas POA he could not sell without your permission. It would end up as a forced sale and that will probably take time and money ur brother does not have.
I would take Mom to an elder lawyer and get DPOA and a Medical directive. Even if immediate Mom can still make her own decisions but your there when you need to be. She also needs to understand that she owes ur brother nothing. Actually, he owes her for allowing him to live on her property rent free and feeding him.
Inform your other family members that your brother IS taking advantage of your mother, and it is called elder abuse. He therefore, should not be POA.
Tell them that you are not qualified to become POA or take over her affairs in any way to protect her.
Call APS to get them on the case to at least obtain a competent POA both medically and legally for your Mom.
If your Mom fights this and sides with your brother, then that is on her "broken brain". The goal should be to keep her safe and to have the help she needs.
A person can be competent under the law, and still be a vulnerable elder, subject to her own son's abuse.
Seems there is an urgency before she is pushed into making your brother her POA.
If I was wrong, or abrupt, I am sorry Lfrownfelter.
I arrived early at the appointed location and was chatting amiably with the family as they arrived. The last family member to arrive bolted out of her car screaming and threatening to call the police before anyone even said a word. The other parties escalated the situation by returning the verbal assault. I knew right then that I wasn't notarizing anything unless the situation seriously changed, but I was stuck in the middle. An off duty officer was close by and heard what was happening and came to our aid before anyone got hurt. This was all over a piece of property with a value of about $3,500, between people I thought I knew to be pretty peaceful. I gotta say - after this happened, I looked at my step-siblings a little differently. Being my mother's POA and the executrix of her estate, I never considered that they would ever make a fuss, but do I really know that?
Never assume everyone will be nice when money and property are involved.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/why-a-letter-of-competency-should-be-part-of-every-seniors-legal-file-441176.htm
Hope this helps!
When my FIL got his, it served the purpose for what he needed it for, because no one questioned it. But quite frankly, if they had, I don't think it would have held up very well. And I can promise you now, just a year later, if you handed it to the doctor responsible for his care at the skilled nursing facility, he would just roll his eyes and shake his head.
We had asked that same doctor who wrote the letter about a cognitive assessment around that time and FIL's other primary (VA) did not agree with his family doctor and would not sign off on a letter when FIL requested one from him. So his family doctor definitely just rubber stamped that letter to make FIL happy. Which is scary.
What are delusions?
Delusions (or strongly held false beliefs) are a common symptom for a person with dementia. They can take the form of paranoia, which makes the person feel threatened, even if there is no or little reason to feel this way. Dementia can make a person suspicious of the people around them.
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