Is it even possible? Hub says my mom spoils for fights and wants to argue w. everyone. He says she'd poke a bear for a response. I am not sure of all that but when she screams at me or lies about me or something that has happened it is difficult for me to handle. She is mean, bitter and hateful. I want to get through to her. There are still good days but when this is an every day thing it is really hard. I prefer to be calm and peaceful... I want to be positive, serene and like a duck... roll it alllll off my back. Mom is exact opposite. I try the "calm down" "settle down" approach in soothing, mantra style voice. It doesnt work as well as it used to. So... then I catch myself screaming back. Today she began yelling that I said she was stupid, an idiot, and had brain damage. I never once said this today or EVER. But she continues to say I did and it comes up often. So, after insulting me about the way hub and I do things and how we do nothing right and a few more times saying I said shes stupid/idiot/brain damaged... I finally yelled back. I am not proud of it and as soon as I did she caught me on it like "what are you doing right now?" (screaming!!!) if a stranger heard this they would think I am abusive to her which is so far from the truth. Who calls people stupid and idiots except for abusive people and I promise I have not said that about her. I think shes intelligent! Hub says he doesnt care what anyone thinks... as no one but us does anything (friends who may comment) no family here and I am her only child. Sometimes I like to pretend or daydream I had children who could go take care of her but that just leads me back to negativity or sadness as I don't have kids and why would I want to put them through this anyway? I guess I needed to vent as I know I should just keep my mouth shut around mom and just agree but that gives me headaches too. My hub retired from law enforcement so hes met all types and hes told me my mom is one of the meanest and difficult people hes ever met. I guess I don't want to accept that. I have to learn boundaries. Thank God for my hub who helps me but hes only 10 years younger than my mom and she treats both he and me like we are ten years old and he works his butt off for mom and me too! Anyway... all this said... tell me how you remain kind, positive, happy, sweet, gentle? I want those things. I don't want to turn out like my mother. And I don't want to stroke out from all the stress. I told her one time recently how stressed I was and she made fun of me for ages. "What do youuuu have to be stressed about?" I turned with tears in my eyes, did not respond that *she* was my biggest stress and then just listened for days to jokes about me not having any stress :( ... I do things for my mother because she's all I got other than hubby. I do it cos I do love her and its the right thing. I do it even as a "religious" type thing... yknow honor mom so you'll live long. Mom talks how bad a life she has tho. She doesn't! Ive been reading on this site longer than joining just the other day. Prolly reading nine months. Some nights hours at a time. It has been one thing that has helped as you can't vent to friends too many times before they give you just cliches and you can tell they are tired of it and have their own probs. Even when they ask "hows mom" I have trouble responding as I dont want to "out" her or talk about all that goes on each and every day. Im damed if I do and damned if I don't. Half the people say things like, "you'll be like that one day... we all get old" (uh I'm already old and I do NOT ever want to be like that...will try hard not to be!) and the other half, "why didn't you warn me...she's so mean...what's wrong with her?" etcetc so im glad I have this place. Thankful you all are here x hugs x
