I try to prepare the same foods that my husband and I eat. Puree or grind as needed so mom can chew it. This week it seems she cannot tolerate for a number of different reasons. Upset stomach, constipated, just don't want it, too much food, etc. She refused food after lunch on Sunday.
Mom imagined the need to visit the emergency room three Thursdays out of four last month. Now, it is February, she wanted the ambulance to take her to the emergency room. So, I guess flavor of the month is Monday.
Each visit in January resulted in observation. Various tests were run to rule out acute conditions that may require treatment. Nothing found. After the three days, mom found amazing health and was impatient to return to our home. She wanted them to find a way to put her in a nursing home. She is too healthy, no medical conditions that warrant that level of care. The three complaints that she "tested out" were difficulty breathing, weakness, chest pains. One complaint per visit. Last Friday we visited the doctor for the post hospital visit. She checked out fine.
No illness or complaints. Today a Monday, Mom called me to her bedroom this morning, major complaint, shortness of breath. I calmed her down and her breathing returned to normal. In a few seconds the complaint changed to weakness. And she asked if we could call the ambulance to take her to the emergency room. I explained that they had mentioned the pattern of behavior. Non-existent medical emergencies. I told her we are not doing this any more. She said I blame her for everything. She pulled her legs back up in bed and said, just forget it. At 8 am she was up, dressed and headed for her recliner, told me she would have her juice in her chair with her coffee. She tried to refuse breakfast. I told her that we weren't going down that weakness road again because she won't eat. I prepared, served, she ate. She pseudo-vomited after breakfast. Yes, I spied. Ensure at 10:30, then refused lunch. I'm on pins n needles waiting to see how the 2:30 Ensure break goes.
The bright spot, the nurse from the health department will here on Wednesday. Fingers crossed we can get through without incident. She turned in home nurse visits twice in January; I had to make nice to get this next visit. If nothing else, she will get the shower that she suddenly has been too weak to take since December.
Yes, I am beyond frustrated, I am the last one to finally see the real deal here. Any advice, tips, etc are welcome. I love my mom; shifting into tough love is hurting my heart.
Get her a needs assessment and start working on moving her to a care facility.
Yes, I am at my wits end!
My mother was never happier than when she was at the doctor's office or hospital. It got worse as she got older, a hypochondriac for sure. She had a 3 month ordeal with every test known to man with NOTHING found.
I basically had to do the same-tough love. "No, I won't take you to the emergency room because you have a mole on your back that could be cancer."
Has your mother been evaluated for mental deficiencies or dementia?
97yomom has a great idea, to take her weight and vitals and show her that she's fine.
Unless she's only eating teaspoons of meals, it sounds like she's getting enough nutrients. But it sounds like she'll need to be supervised. It's kind of like being with a toddler. You have to put your foot down at times.
And I agree totally. The bath is very necessary. She will feel better and help prevent other problems.
Are you considering looking at Assisted Living places? It is good that she doesn't need a nursing home, but perhaps living in a community with people her age would be good.
Does Mom really need 3 meals a day plus 2 Ensure breaks?
Sounds like you've got a handle on this, for the time being anyway. I do think a psychiatric consult would be a good idea.