Up until two weeks ago, Mom was able to get herself up, dressed, to the bathroom, down to the dining room at AL, to events etc. Although she was weak and unsteady she was pretty much independent. Then she stood up and fell. She bumped her head a little so they sent her to the ER. Although she didn't really hurt herself, she spent the night there, and fell again there. I'm wondering if she didn't have an "event" which caused it all. After that she was so weak she couldn't stand on her own and couldn't stay in AL so for the past 2 weeks she has been in a nursing home. We thought she might be able to be rehabbed and return to AL. But she fell again there, and hit her head requiring stitches this time. She has practically stopped eating, tries to get up every five minutes at night and sleeps on and off most of the day, saying leave me alone, and pretty much out of it (they have to give her a tranquilizer to keep her from being agitated so I suspect that is why she is sleepy). Is this the way it progresses at the end? I'm praying she is not suffering and isn't aware of what it happening. I sit there for hours with her, but she barely knows I'm there and five minutes after I leave she doesn't remember.
Any kind of "event" can start the final journey. A fractured hip is a very common culprit.
Is it the fracture, the surgery or the rehab or is it just time? No one has the answer to that.
Concentrate on keeping Mom comfortable and enjoy whatever time you have left with her
One doesn't always "go" to hospice, although plenty of hospice services have their own buildings and on-site staff. In our community (outside Seattle, WA), hospice services can come to your elder at home or in an adult family home. Hospice-trained nurses bring different skill sets from, say, home health nurses; they also seem to have wider authority to gain patients access to pain-relief meds and so forth.
I came across this while researching the same type of issues. Mom is in hospital for tests and I'll be asking if this common/possible and is it something they can/will test for.
webmd.com/brain/normal-pressure-hydrocephalus
What I must warn everyone of his that if you have an attic that you sometimes visit, if you installed a helpful grab bar to help pull yourself up the rest of the way into the attic from the top of the fold down steps or ladder, make sure to use proper installation and not just big thick heavy spikes that can give loose even 25 years down the road. My friend made this mistake and it cost him his life resulting in an early death that could've otherwise been prevented. If you install a safety rail in your attic, please, install it properly and best yet, let a professional do it
Genesis, might the HOA be OK with a temporary ramp (if that is what is needed)? It would be easy to remove when you move.
Does your wife use a wheelchair? After many falls my husband was thrilled to be able to safely scoot around in his wheelchair. It restored a measure of independence. His doctor warned that he should do some walking, too, so as not to loose the strength to transfer to bed, the toilet, etc. It worked wonderfully for him.
After my mother's hip broke in the nursing home she was wheelchair-bound. But an aide came and wheeled her to all the activities and meals. She could even have her hair done in the wheelchair. Mom was content and lived a couple more years.
Mom recovered from that fairly quickly and she was back being the housewife doing all the chores [refused outside help or moving to Independent living] but a week or two later, another fall where she hit her head again and the hospital found a second brain bleed and a blood clot. That was the fall that did her in. There was no coming back from that one. Serious delirium, accelerated dementia, unable to stand up, etc. Sad.
Yikes nursing homes are expensive. I thought the cost of $306 room rate per day was reasonable, but then there are the general costs not provided in that room rate... such as $900 per month to have an air mattress.... $540 for incontinence supplies.... $120 for Geri-recliner rental.... $5 per Boost... etc.
What is sad is that my parents were always very frugal with their money, saved big time. So the money saved is now going into the nursing home. If my parents had shopped until they dropped and never saved, Medicaid would be paying and Mom would be having the same identical care. Too bad Medicaid isn't available for all elders... but I know that would bankrupt the States.
AL is less than half the price of a nursing home, so if drugs will keep her there longer, I'd try but it does sound like your mother needs some oversight. AL will tell you when they think your mother needs more care than they can give. With my mom, she refused to use the walker and fell a couple of times. At that point, they realized she needed someone with her all the time and shouldn't be liable if she fell and really hurt herself all because she refused a walker or help. Mom would still be there if it weren't for the last fall she took which weakened her. Also, she wasn't eating so she was weak from that. In the NH she is watched constantly to keep her from getting up and falling and given nutrient drinks, etc all day (which an AL doesn't do - it is for people who need some assistance, not 24/7 oversight) But, a NH is really expensive!
Falls are terrible. So many friends tell me that a fall took the independence from a loved one. I'm very careful myself.