Hi. Let me start by saying I will try to keep this short. I'm a 54 year old divorced mother of two teenage children and we had to move in with my mother after a devastating divorce which ruined me emotionally and financially. We've been here 9 years and CANNOT ever leave financially and I tried so hard to get out! Lol sob sob...I suffer from terrible depression and a lot of self hatred. I've been in therapy for many years. The problem is that my mother wont stop certain behaviors. I'm so distraught I can't add details right now. She dismisses me as "too sensitive and its all in my head." The way I see it is I have two choices. One suck it up and continue to be as is with resentment and anger and hate myself for not being kind to my mother. Or two confront her again (she ignores my pleading for her to hear me) and hate myself for hurting her for the rest of my life. I'm so confused. I know I see things here that aren't right or healthy but she denies and my siblings just don't see it or say "she can't change now." Is this all in my head? I really need someone to help me. Thanks for listening. Sending hugs for anyone that needs one.
I'll mention this 1,000 times, to get you to understand it's not your fault: your post describes a psychologically manipulation situation, where the mother abuses one and only one scapegoat (adult)child, whilst hiding that covert abuse from everyone else. That type of mother loves triangulating siblings against each other. Pitting siblings against each other in the same way that a 14 year-old pack-leader does with the pack of mean girls ... to gang-up against one group member.
Unfortunately, as you wrote, you will never get anywhere "pleading," with your mother, At this point you must google abusive mother to learn more, and grab at least two old fashioned books, titled:
1). Emotional blackmail by Susan Forward ... and
2). Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
My background is in counseling, which is why I cannot label anything more specific than generalized psychological manipulative abuse. As mentioned your post describes a situation that has you placed in a scapegoat role.
You are NOT "too sensitive," Those words are among a list of typical responses abusive asshats utilize as their standard replies, to shame their abused targets/victims/scapegoats as being "too sensitive." That's how abusive asshats get their victims to think it's the victim's fault, which in turn trains victims into thinking that the victims have control over the situation. When, instead the victim is being manipulated/guilted/conned to stay within the abuse cycle.
Tell your mother NOTHING about what you learn online. Most likely your siblings have been told their entire lives that you're the problem. Psychologically abusive mothers work hard to present a perfect image, so be careful.
And when you find information online don't tell your siblings anything about what you learn, usually siblings have very different experiences within a psychologically abusive dynamic. Your mother chooses to abuse.
Psychologically manipulative mothers have decades of manipulation experience portraying you as the problem, so it's best to learn everything possible, in silence. Sorry, "confronting," your mother will only hurt you further.
She will evict you from her life, if she feels that you're resisting her abuse. Manipulative people hate boundaries.
You're likely in a catch-22 situation. As soon as a scapegoat learns that the abuse is deliberate, that's when shock and whys, kick into high gear. Sorry, that you're in a bad situation.
Remember it's not your fault, abusive dynamics are carefully manipulated by abusive asshats.