My mother is in an assisted living facility. She has dementia and hates the place. She tells me every time I visit her that the staff is mean and make her do things. Recently, I asked her to tell me what "they" make her do. Just then an aide opened her room door a little and gruffly said, "It's time to get to bed. Get your pajamas on!" The aide did not see me. When Mom did not answer, the aide opened the door more and saw me. She hurried to say, "What I meant was that I can help you get ready for bed now. If that is what you want?" We both told her that later would be better. After the aide closed the door and walked away. My mother whispered, "That is what I go through every night." It was 7:45 PM. Mom explained that they make her be in bed by 8:30 PM.
This bothered me. So, I went to talk to the aide. I asked her if residents could stay up to 10 PM? She said, "Oh, no! Everyone is in bed by 8:30." I asked her why? She said, "Well after the patients have their pills, they are tired." I told her that no one should be making my Mother do anything. She is able to understand and comply with rules if they are reasonable and explained to her. But, why is it reasonable to force everyone to go to bed at the same time? Not everyone needs the same amount of sleep.
My mother has always watched the 11PM news before going to bed. Now she does not dare to do that. Should I feel that my mother's rights are being violated? Is a set bedtime the norm at assisted living facilities? Should I be suspicious of the "pills" the patients get before bedtime? I never approved a sleeping pill for her. It is not on her medication list. What rights does my mother have as a resident in an assisted living facility?
My Mother has always loved watching the news, but she has Alzheimers and her meds fo cause her to fall asleep before the 10:00pm news as well as my step-father.
The staff makes sure that they are safely in bed and turn off the TV for the night.
Neither Mom nor Step-father are given sleeping aides whatsoever.
I've been there at dinner time, those who can eat together in the dining room, until almost midnight. Not 1 person is given a sleeping side, not 1.
My 1 sister gets upset and will text me and ask why Mom is always asleep when she calls. Not a difficult thing to understand sister. Mom sleeps almost 24/7. Sister calls at lunchtime when the staff is trying to make sure everyone is eating without difficulty. Or, she calls after 10:00pm and Mom's meds have kicked in so Mom is asleep. The 1 side tells me that she can tell what time it is at night because my sister calls at the same time every night. Yeppers, I was home for Mom's birthday and sister calls at 10:00pm. Bridget picked up the phone and said, this is your sister and it was!
She wanted Bridget to wake Mom so she could tell her happy birthday. I took the phone and told her that wasn't going to happen because Mom was sound asleep and waking her is not good for people with Alzheimers because they're already lost in their minds.
Get a list of the meds your Mom is being given BY THE HEAD NURSE. Is Mom being seen by her GP or does the nursing home have a contracted doctor? Have your doctor's nurse or any person who can legally draw blood form panels to go with you.
Yes, there are facilities that give sleeping aides so they aren't bothered during the night. Very similar when parents give their children Benedril.
I'm lucky our daughter is an RN, so she reads the panels for me to make sure that the list of meds given to Mom show up in the panels.
My head is spinning too much for me to begin listing what the facility is doing wrong.
Short answers: 1. The facility had state inspectors interviewing residents three days later. I did not call. Another family called about their issues. Mom refused to talk to them because she said she did not want the employees to yell at her. I found out about it a week later.
2. The facility has case managers who know how to say sweet, agreeable words, but never bring anything to a satisfactory conclusion. Their answer is always that Mom is the problem or telling stories.
3. I have found another AL residence for my mother. By the way it is almost half the cost of what she was paying for disrespectful care.
4. I am very grateful for all of the answers supplied. You all helped me gain perspective and courage.
I appreciate that you took the time to update everyone. Best wishes to you and your mom. I hope the new ALF is a good experience for both of you.