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Define impulsively. I have been getting rid of all my things over the course of the last decade. I am 81. It is quite clear to me at this point that I won't be taking it with me. I find I dislike clutter about more and more. I like it neat and spare and a clean, bright, well lit place. I have kept a few collections, my green Floraline and my 50s Tourist Roadside Pottery. But much else is gone, including picture albums which are torn down and boxed for my kids with notes to go through once and toss. I have given all the family heirlooms that they wish to keep, the jewelry including my Mom's wedding ring, my Dad's gold baby ring. I am down to his confirmation bible which I, an atheist, am loathe to part with. We moved 35 years ago to a two flat in which we own the building, live in the upper and rent the lower. My yard is even downsized now to one that I can control. One set of pots and one set of dishes and just how many sets of sheets and towels do you really NEED when you have a washer. It's a good thing.
If you are just curious why not ASK. As in "I notice you are giving away things. How do you feel about parting from them? Does it make you feel great and clutter free or are you trying to downsize now so the "kids" don't have to deal with it?"
You will find we elders are less and less hesitant to talk about death than the kids are, IMHO.
I'm in the ongoing process of decluttering. I still have too many towels and sheets, as well as too much bedding, kitchen stuff and items uncategorized. I hope that by the time I reach EOL, I will at least have managed to minimize what's left for our family to deal with. I'm "divesting purposefully" at this point. I think I have most of my marbles, but at 86 I'm probably missing a few.
I think it's true that some old people may be considerably less hesitant to talk about death. As an atheist-leaning agnostic, I don't worry about where I'll end up after the fact. When I'm gone, I'm gone. That probably helps.
It sure is normal! I'm 83 and am.... either getting rid of or ...SELLING ..a lot of my "stuff." A few years back I saw a valuable personal that I had given to a grandchild that was mostly DESTROYED! My thinking at the time I was giving it that it could be a family heirloom. HAW! Heirlooms are out of vogue and younger people have either no knowledge or no care for them. My solution was and IS to dispose of them to those who ALSO value historic or heirloom items. Sooo.... SELLING is the practical and just method. I have caught some flak from those who are shocked that I sell antique and quality items that ...THEY... would treasure. It's a varying decision, but if you give something to someone who doesn't care for it, then it belongs SOLD to those who ....do....care.
Good for you. A friend of mine’s mother was a collector of antique furniture. He didn’t care for it at all as he liked a modern style. He knew some of it was valuable, but he didn’t want to deal with it so after she passed he had an estate seller come and dispose of it. He got some money for it, but nothing close to what it was worth. She would have been better off selling it or giving it away while she was alive to someone of her own choosing who would appreciate it. Her son just wanted it gone!
My MIL is slowlt emptying her house of the most random stuff.
She's also tossing not-so-random things that she NEEDs, like her CPAP hoses, her fall pendants, bills, power cords to things she still owns--it seems to make no sense.
If questioned about it, she says she's 'progressing' whatever that means.
The kids just make sure to check her trash before it goes out to the curb.
Never one to collect things, her place is almost completely bare, DH says it looks un lived in.
I’m a hoard, or just not organized.. I’m trying to clear out things. I stopped buying things.. just the basic daily things we need.. Just went through old clothes.. if the elastic lost it, I toss it.. ohh the bathing suits.. nothing lasts forever… when the elastic disintegrates on those…. Yikes!
YES! However, I don't think it is impulsive. Usually there is a reason behind it...it may not make sense, however there is a reason.
My Mom was all into chasing the highest CD rates. So at one time, she had lots of CDs in various amounts at multiple banks. She finally got tired of contacting the banks so that she could get a favorable rollover rate, so she consolidated her CDs into 2-3 banks.
My Mom used to keep a lot of stuff. She had a lot of difficulty throwing things out, despite my brother saying that he had no use for most of it. Prior to downsizing to a smaller abode, she had to throw out even more stuff. She was depressed. She's into her new place, she's moved all the stuff in, got it in their right place...and a water leak that was caused by the condo above hers was not found until the water had flooded a good part of the bedroom and the hallway. Since it was wood, it did permanent damage. She ended up replacing the floor, however, in the meantime, she had to move all the stuff out of the room and into the living room, not far, but enough. She got rid of a bunch more things, no tears or wistfulness this time, because she didn't want to have to move it back.
One day, she decided that she no longer used some clothes. That was removed. Then when comparing the uncluttered closet to the rest of her bedroom, she decided to unclutter the rest. Another few days of toss.
Finally, she got down to a fairly small manageable set of stuff. She was tired of watching television, she could no longer drive, didn't have anyone other than me and people available by phone to talk with, and she had time on her hands. Basically she was bored. She went through all her cookbooks, recipes, photographs, etc and threw out most of them. Her reasoning...one could get all the recipes on the internet and they were up-to-date on ingredients, so the recipes were of no use. Photographs had no meaning except to her. Old greeting cards were of no use because pretty soon, she would not be able to read anyway.
My Mom has always been careful with her money. We are using her savings to pay for Memory Care. Just before we knew which road we were on, she didn't believe she had long to live and wanted to just spend it all. I talked her out of it.
Now that she is in Memory Care, she talks about simplification and just get rid of all of it, including the money. She wants to spend it or give it all away while she is still alive. She still remembers the day that she sold her house (and land) and put it in the bank. What she doesn't remember is how much of that was used to buy her condo. When and if she sees her bank balances, to her it is a ton of money. I believe that is because she still remembers that bread was 5 cents a loaf, therefore a hundred dollars is perceived as a lot of money.
She used to tell me to give it away or spend it every day, until I finally told her that she has no more to give away and she needs it for her care. She said "give it away while I am alive." Finally after a lot of nagging, I told her, you have just enough money to pay for where you are. Then one day, as I was visiting, she started crying because she had no money to give for Christmas. I told her I had set aside some money for gifts. No more than 10 seconds later, she's ready to give all her money away again.
We will see what happens when we begin to write the checks for the Christmas gifts.
Man, it is tough for the caregiver when the person is bored or having memory issues.
The good news...when we moved my Mom from her condo into MC, it just took us 2 days to go through everything, divide it up and box it up and clear the condo so that we could rent it. Better news, I was easily able to find a place that would house my stuff plus all of what we wanted to keep, including furniture...no storage unit rented!
So, I would ask the person why she is throwing stuff out and embrace it. Be careful that it isn't YOU who wants to keep the stuff.
Is this recent, like in the last week or so? I know this sounds crazy but my mother did this (even chopped up her treasured Christmas cactus!) before she was diagnosed with a Urinary Tract Infection. Dad commented every day about how she was getting rid of stuff, throwing things away or giving them away, plus other crazy behavior. At first I didn't think anything of it but then realized that something was off and asked him to get her checked for UTI. It took two more weeks, several ER visits for the crazy behavior before it was diagnosed but by then it was too late. Get grandma checked for UTI and request that the test that takes a few days to come back be done, not just the quick urine sample test.
I guess I'm what you think of as elderly: I'm 68. For the past 15 years, I'm in the habit of 'one item in the house, two out'--that thought weighs in on every single purchase I make [but not groceries]. I love having fewer things of good quality that I won't have to replace in my lifetime, and I love the streamlined cleaning! I have no children but I have two nieces that don't need ANY of my 'stuff' when I'm gone. I keep ALL of that in mind, PLUS my two experiences of clearing out homes of deceased family members: How many rubber bands does anyone need? And about my beloved aunt's lifelong thotzke collection 'This is crap, it's going into the black trash bag'. I'm all for getting rid of every extraneous thing.
So, user17370, who is 'elderly'? And please ask yourself, why do I think that divesting may be unhealthy behavior?
I have on offspring. She’s a minimalist. Doesn’t like clutter. She is the tidy one, not me. She’s good at throwing my stuff out. Says she doesn’t want to do it later when I’m gone… But… I need that…….
NOPE!! so now I only have one pair of sneakers.. when they start sliding when I’m not walking… I’ll buy another pair and toss those old worn out ones away.. now since I’m getting up there.. I’m younger than you.., thanks for bringing down the age of elderly into the 60’s range by the way… Now I suppose I really should rethink about snowboarding again… geez…don’t need to compromise the skeletal system.. 😟 I suppose there’s seniors, elderly, and then geriatrics?? I suppose I should sell my snowboard. The cross country skis are so old they delaminated. I think the downhill sky’s did too, but the boots were never as comfy as the snowboard boots. Maybe I should try to sell those things too… maybe I should take up paddle tennis? Is that the popular court game now?
It depends, I am 89 years and am downsizing. Why hang on to things that you don't need and have to dust when the kids and the grandchildren love them. I know I'm at the end of my life, I don't want my kids to have a lot of work getting rid of my stuff after I am gone. Then, a lot of people who are planning suicide or are terminally sick will get also rid of their stuff. If you can, see where he/she stands it might help.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I have been getting rid of all my things over the course of the last decade. I am 81. It is quite clear to me at this point that I won't be taking it with me.
I find I dislike clutter about more and more. I like it neat and spare and a clean, bright, well lit place. I have kept a few collections, my green Floraline and my 50s Tourist Roadside Pottery. But much else is gone, including picture albums which are torn down and boxed for my kids with notes to go through once and toss. I have given all the family heirlooms that they wish to keep, the jewelry including my Mom's wedding ring, my Dad's gold baby ring. I am down to his confirmation bible which I, an atheist, am loathe to part with. We moved 35 years ago to a two flat in which we own the building, live in the upper and rent the lower. My yard is even downsized now to one that I can control.
One set of pots and one set of dishes and just how many sets of sheets and towels do you really NEED when you have a washer.
It's a good thing.
If you are just curious why not ASK. As in "I notice you are giving away things. How do you feel about parting from them? Does it make you feel great and clutter free or are you trying to downsize now so the "kids" don't have to deal with it?"
You will find we elders are less and less hesitant to talk about death than the kids are, IMHO.
I think it's true that some old people may be considerably less hesitant to talk about death. As an atheist-leaning agnostic, I don't worry about where I'll end up after the fact. When I'm gone, I'm gone. That probably helps.
A few years back I saw a valuable personal that I had given to a grandchild that was mostly DESTROYED! My thinking at the time I was giving it that it could be a family heirloom. HAW!
Heirlooms are out of vogue and younger people have either no knowledge or no care for them.
My solution was and IS to dispose of them to those who ALSO value historic or heirloom items.
Sooo.... SELLING is the practical and just method.
I have caught some flak from those who are shocked that I sell antique and quality items that ...THEY... would treasure.
It's a varying decision, but if you give something to someone who doesn't care for it, then it belongs SOLD to those who ....do....care.
She's also tossing not-so-random things that she NEEDs, like her CPAP hoses, her fall pendants, bills, power cords to things she still owns--it seems to make no sense.
If questioned about it, she says she's 'progressing' whatever that means.
The kids just make sure to check her trash before it goes out to the curb.
Never one to collect things, her place is almost completely bare, DH says it looks un lived in.
I'd take that over a hoard any day.
Just went through old clothes.. if the elastic lost it, I toss it..
ohh the bathing suits.. nothing lasts forever… when the elastic disintegrates on those…. Yikes!
My Mom was all into chasing the highest CD rates. So at one time, she had lots of CDs in various amounts at multiple banks. She finally got tired of contacting the banks so that she could get a favorable rollover rate, so she consolidated her CDs into 2-3 banks.
My Mom used to keep a lot of stuff. She had a lot of difficulty throwing things out, despite my brother saying that he had no use for most of it. Prior to downsizing to a smaller abode, she had to throw out even more stuff. She was depressed. She's into her new place, she's moved all the stuff in, got it in their right place...and a water leak that was caused by the condo above hers was not found until the water had flooded a good part of the bedroom and the hallway. Since it was wood, it did permanent damage. She ended up replacing the floor, however, in the meantime, she had to move all the stuff out of the room and into the living room, not far, but enough. She got rid of a bunch more things, no tears or wistfulness this time, because she didn't want to have to move it back.
One day, she decided that she no longer used some clothes. That was removed. Then when comparing the uncluttered closet to the rest of her bedroom, she decided to unclutter the rest. Another few days of toss.
Finally, she got down to a fairly small manageable set of stuff. She was tired of watching television, she could no longer drive, didn't have anyone other than me and people available by phone to talk with, and she had time on her hands. Basically she was bored. She went through all her cookbooks, recipes, photographs, etc and threw out most of them. Her reasoning...one could get all the recipes on the internet and they were up-to-date on ingredients, so the recipes were of no use. Photographs had no meaning except to her. Old greeting cards were of no use because pretty soon, she would not be able to read anyway.
My Mom has always been careful with her money. We are using her savings to pay for Memory Care. Just before we knew which road we were on, she didn't believe she had long to live and wanted to just spend it all. I talked her out of it.
Now that she is in Memory Care, she talks about simplification and just get rid of all of it, including the money. She wants to spend it or give it all away while she is still alive. She still remembers the day that she sold her house (and land) and put it in the bank. What she doesn't remember is how much of that was used to buy her condo. When and if she sees her bank balances, to her it is a ton of money. I believe that is because she still remembers that bread was 5 cents a loaf, therefore a hundred dollars is perceived as a lot of money.
She used to tell me to give it away or spend it every day, until I finally told her that she has no more to give away and she needs it for her care. She said "give it away while I am alive." Finally after a lot of nagging, I told her, you have just enough money to pay for where you are. Then one day, as I was visiting, she started crying because she had no money to give for Christmas. I told her I had set aside some money for gifts. No more than 10 seconds later, she's ready to give all her money away again.
We will see what happens when we begin to write the checks for the Christmas gifts.
Man, it is tough for the caregiver when the person is bored or having memory issues.
The good news...when we moved my Mom from her condo into MC, it just took us 2 days to go through everything, divide it up and box it up and clear the condo so that we could rent it. Better news, I was easily able to find a place that would house my stuff plus all of what we wanted to keep, including furniture...no storage unit rented!
So, I would ask the person why she is throwing stuff out and embrace it. Be careful that it isn't YOU who wants to keep the stuff.
of that.
So, user17370, who is 'elderly'? And please ask yourself, why do I think that divesting may be unhealthy behavior?
But… I need that…….
NOPE!!
so now I only have one pair of sneakers.. when they start sliding when I’m not walking… I’ll buy another pair and toss those old worn out ones away..
now since I’m getting up there.. I’m younger than you..,
thanks for bringing down the age of elderly into the 60’s range by the way…
Now I suppose I really should rethink about snowboarding again… geez…don’t need to compromise the skeletal system.. 😟
I suppose there’s seniors, elderly, and then geriatrics??
I suppose I should sell my snowboard.
The cross country skis are so old they delaminated.
I think the downhill sky’s did too, but the boots were never as comfy as the snowboard boots. Maybe I should try to sell those things too…
maybe I should take up paddle tennis? Is that the popular court game now?
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