My mother has severe congestive heart failure and increasingly worse dementia and a decision needs to be made about treating her. The cardiologist has been pushing to try putting in stents just so he can get her out of the hospital as quickly as possible and keep her from coming back. However, since her mental health is steadily declining to the point she is a risk to herself, I'm not sure that prolonging her life physically is the humane thing to do. He called today again to try and push me to make a decision about surgery and I pointed out several things about her mental health and said I wanted to consult the psychiatrist that has been treating her before making a decision. About half an hour later I get a call from my mother basically telling me that I had been listening to the bad people and how could I believe the awful things they say about her. How I was a huge disappointment and even though she loved me as her daughter there was nothing left for us as far as a relationship. I couldn't figure out what was going on and called her nurse only to find out that when the cardiologist called me he was standing in her room and never bothered to tell me that. So our entire conversation was overheard and she knows I have concerns about her mental health. She is in complete denial that she has any issues and now views me as a traitor. I'm her only child. She has no other family and if she refuses to have anything to do with me going forward. There is literally nobody to help her and I feel like it's all this doctor's fault. Not to mention the fact that she will die thinking that I betrayed her when all I've been trying to do is what best for her but she's incapable of understanding that.
Just go forward with honesty. Tell Mom a simple version of the truth.
Tell her the Doctor says she is very sick. That she needs a heart operation. That you are very concerned.
"I've been trying to do is what best".
Ask for her help.
Ask her wishes.
As in, have heart surgery or give over to mother nature.
Hard conversations are sometimes necessary.
Hopefully she understands.