Hi Everyone!
Thank you in advance for your guidance. I have been searching this site for many years now and have always found it to be very helpful.
Recently, my mother in law has seen a decline. She would like to move in with us but I made this VERY clear many years ago (20+) that will never be an option. I have said this to her in so many words over the years and to my husband many times. Her living with us is not an option. I told my hubby the result of that happening will end in divorce and us selling our home.
She refuses to go to AL or NH. While I know that she is declining, I offer to go there and do all I can help with, aside from any medical things such as showers, bed pan or diapers. It is never good enough. She is very demanding. You all know the struggles so I don't need to go too much into detail....
My husband does not want her to live with us either but feels some what of an obligation. He told me last that the answer is a strong no. Since she refuses to go to AL or NH and he is POA, are we legally responsible for her well being? Meaning, do we have to by law take her in? Are there legal repercussions to her living alone?
She has no living siblings and only one child. There is literally no one else to help either.
Thank you! I will look into a care manager. It gets a little more complicated....
She doesn't have any money aside from her SS and Pension which is over what is allowed for medicad approval. I know we can still file and they will take her money less a $100 allowance monthly BUT she gifted over 20k to another family member 3 years ago.
They are a dysfunctional family to say the least...
She still has her whitts so I am not sure he is able to make any decisions with her consent.
You are not obligated to provide care for her in your home; do you accompany her to doctor visits? You may need to keep after the doctor to do cognitive screenings and for the DOCTOR to tell her that she is no longer safe living alone.
What are her financial resources like?
He needs to read his POA. Is it durable or springing? Is it in effect now or does she need to be declared incompetent for it to go into effect?
Do you live in a "filial obligation" state?
For most of us here, if an elder has not been found incompetent and refuses to go into care, you wait until the illness or fall that puts them in the hospital. You then talk to the discharge planners about getting her into a facility,
She gets some money from her SS and pension but no other savings. She makes too much monthly to qualify for medicad but I know we could apply and they would take all her money less $100 allowance monthly. She did gift someone over 20k 3 years ago and I am sure that would complicate things.
I do take her to the DR but haven't in 2 months since all of this COVID stuff has been happening. She sees a therapist. I would for the 3 of us to go with her and all talk to the therapist to see if that would help.