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You can never be forced to take her in with you. It sounds like you're enabling her to stay out of AL/NH by doing so much for her. Illusion of Independence. Leave her to her own devices, let things get really bad, and call APS.
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Your husband has said no to your MIL living with you. She will have to opt for facility living.
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Get an Ombudsman. Then both sides will have to honor a hammered out agreement. There are places like Jill's House that are more like a hotel resort...
You could take her to eat a couple nice places - assisted livings, independent livings... AFTER going there first to make sure the food is good and then picking the day when they will be providing something scrumptious that you know she enjoys.
You could do the long route-- take her to a place with morning elder daycare with lots of good programs including singing and out-loud reading... piano and entertainment, and then hire an eldercare nursing company to sit with her and then that would most likely lead to eventually an AH. If she had dementia already-- there is always subterfuge and re-direction. Usually one's fuddy duddy will forget the old life and learn to enjoy the new-- reading a newspaper til it falls apart, watching the same movies …. in the words of Yoda- do or do not, there is no try.
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If you can't or won't take her, it is most likely a good reason and if she is difficult, it will be very hard on your life style and your relationship with your husband. Not everyone is cut out to be a caretaker and you don't want your life destroyed. Perhaps you can get a caretaker to tend to her where she is. However, get a power of attorney ready as if she refuses all help and gets worse, something has to give. Then you must place her even though no human with a slight degree of brain power would ever want to go to AL or a NH. It is the beginning of the end and it is awful being in one - I know, I am in one.
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