My in-laws are in no condition to travel. My MIL has a neurodegenerative illness, is wheelchair bound, and needs help with all her activities of daily living. My FIL has anxiety, depression and ataxia.
My in-laws have a little cabin in the woods and they want to go there for the summer. The cabin is not ADA accessible. The bathroom is cramped even for someone able bodied. And it's isolated.
They keep bringing it up with me and my husband. They haven't asked for helped outright but they keep making comments like "how do we rent a car at the airport?" or "how do we get the cable turned on?" I believe they ask these inane questions in the hopes that my husband and I will take it upon ourselves to make it possible for them to go to the cabin.
My husband and I believe it's a terrible idea for them to go to the cabin. But, my in-laws know how to manipulate my husband. I refuse to travel with my in-laws because MIL should not be away from home for more than a few hours let alone a half day's worth of travel.
So do we ignore them (they can't get it done without lots of help) or take it seriously and call a family meeting? If they leave indy living, they both will decline fast. It's crossed my mind that they may have given up.
Their cabin could have been dealt with last year.
Last year we could have called a family meeting to get all us kids together to clean out the cabin together. But this year, that's nearly impossible as all the sibs have their own family things going on.
This will be summer number three of fixing my inlaws' bad decisions.
Any chance that they hid some cash in the cabin? Do they own it? Guess it needs to be cleaned out if they won't be returning. That is alot on your plate, so yes, call a family meeting.
Yes, have a family meeting.
For Easter, one of my sisters is helping me get them connected to a new parish. They seem lost and fearful and I believe this has much to do with why they are grasping for things that are familiar. We're hoping that if they regain a spiritual connection they will recognize that they are in no condition to make the trip let alone be away from all the services they need.
Hopefully they are like my parents where they wouldn't let go of a dime if their life depended upon it. Thus might have second thoughts of playing Henry David Thoreau because of the cost. Heavens, they would need to stock the pantry at Walden Pond, so more cost.
On the other side of the coin, it's kinda interesting that they feel like they are still young enough to enjoy going to the cabin, spending time in the woods. When was the last time they were there? If it has been awhile, I bet they forgot how much work is involved with a closed up cabin just to get it up and going for the season.
golden23 - Whether it's a week or a summer, it's the same amount of work to make it come to fruition.
I finally feel like they are "stable" - safe at the indy living where they get meals and activities and people who look out for them - that I don't want to mess up this delicate balance. Thank for the reality check! I know I can always count on you wonderful posters. - NYDIL
Do you think you could hire any home care for them in the cabin, or is it too remote? I suspect though that the home care they want would be you and your husband.
It wouldn't hurt to have a family meeting to determine if anyone else is on board with providing care for them, but if a plane ride is involved, the cabin must not be very close, so family care alternating between family groups doesn't sound feasible.
And the fact that it's isolated makes the proposition even riskier. I'd be inclined not to support the idea unless one or other of the family takes them up for a weekend, then back to IL.