My 84 year old mother just formally diagnosed with dementia due to Alzheimer's . I went to an Elder Care lawyer prior to this and had Durable POA and Healthcare Directives put in place. I know I need to sell her car and get rid of other things. I have Aid and Attendance paperwork started from her Neurologist and I'm frozen with fear. I feel horrible because I was told this had been going on for more than five years!!! Why didn't I see this?? I don't know what to do next. She's been living with me almost four months and she thinks it's a few weeks!
Anyone out there that can offer some suggestions?
Look, I'm a school psychologist, so I have a fair amount of training in neuro-developmental disorders, memory and cognition. I've got 25 years of experience doing cognitive assessments. My mother was declining for at least 3-5 years before we figured out that we needed to get her out of her home. We thought these were little quirks that mom was developing. Please, please, let the guilt go, make a list and start the tasks; you're your mom's BEST ally!
Make a master list of things to do as you think of them. Identify the most important, but occasionally work on the easier items.
As far as cleaning out her house, that may be a priority, because a vacant house is a target for vandals and squatters. Also insurance companies don't like to insure empty houses and premiums are expensive. Plus when you sell it you can get rid of utility bills too.
Selling her car may be a lesser priority because you can use it to transport her to appointments and save wear and tear on your own car. Use her money to pay insurance and upkeep and gas.
Have your mother do as much as she can around the house. It will help her to feel useful and more at home, rather than a visitor. If there wasn't a noticeable decline, maybe she still has some abilities. Dusting, setting the table, loading/unloading dishwasher, folding laundry, peeling potatoes and anything else she can do.