My siblings have left a lot of the responsibility on me caring for our mother.
Making appointments for GP, finances, etc.
My mother is now in care for the past few weeks. My siblings and I have been chatting about my mother's well-being since going into care.
I feel my siblings are taking over without my input, which makes me furious to the point I start to verbally abuse them.
I guess my resentment is very deep towards them, it's creating alot of stress and anxiety in my day to day life.
I have lost respect for them on all levels.
anecdotally, it seems like most of the burden falls on one person and that one person more often than not is a woman.
I had a knock down drag out fight with my two sisters and brother over my father's care and the burden of keeping up the house and yard. I just blew up at them and I must have hurt their feelings quite a bit as we stopped talking.
Then about a month ago he fell and hit his head. He died a week ago. His death was unnecessary and the result of the two sisters' refusal to even consider assisted living or adding caregiver hours. At least I was there when he died. The other two had gone home even though the hospice nurse advised he would probably not last the night.
I too have lost respect for my siblings, something I could never have imagined before all this began. We came together while he was ill but now we are in the probate preparation phase and planning the funeral, so the hissing and spitting is starting up again.
I so look forward to getting on with life after this is all over and accepting that my siblings (and I include myself) are not the people I thought they were.
I think my siblings didn't know how much I did to take care of my father. I devoted myself to protecting him through the pandemic. I worked with his geriatric physician to make sure that he was as healthy as he could be at 93. I could have made a list a mile long of the time and effort I took to protect his health.
I imagine that sitting them down and laying out to them what you've done to successfully get your mother to this point might trigger them. Then again, maybe they don't have the wits or the interest in understanding how much work it is and how exhausted it can leave you. On top of that, you're feeling slighted and maybe you should tell them that.
I have a feeling your mother does not have durable medical or financial powers of attorney or you would have mentioned it. If she is still competent enough to manage her affairs, this is a good time for her to get all her estate planning documents drafted.
Suggestions, not legal advice.