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Well put Country Mouse. As my Mom once said, when they get old you get old too. With all that is going on with your husband, your are not mentally or physically able to do it anymore. There is nothing wrong with that. You first need to look at your finances and see if you will need Medicaid now or in the future. A skilled nursing home is what ur DH needs. Assisted Living is not equipped for his health problems. You then can see him daily and make sure he is well cared for. Be someone the staff is glad to see. Believe me, I asked questions and asked if certain things could be done for Mom but I also made the Chas aware that I know how much they do for little money.
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Why? Because you are afraid that it somehow makes you fail as a wife.

It's very important to realise that your key duty as a wife is to do what is best for your husband. And while there are certain people who will bang on about "in sickness and in health", and make you feel there is some kind of perverse virtue in continuing to suffer as you are, these people are overlooking the practical fact that several highly trained people working as a team can provide *infinitely* *better* care for a man in your husband's physical condition than one exhausted, untrained, heartbroken woman.

Be a good wife to your husband and find the right nursing home. Then you can also get back to being a wife who loves him rather than dreads him.
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Sonia, I’m sorry you’re in this situation, and I’m sorry your husband has refused over the years to do anything to help himself and his health. You’ve done an admirable job in caring for him. It looks like the time has come that your own health is going to soon decline if you don’t make a change. Where would your husband be if you weren’t available at all to care for him? If you make the decision to have him move into a nursing home, you’ll still be caring, you’ll be having professional help in the most hands on portions of his care, and you’ll be able to watch over him and ensure that he’s comfortable and well taken care of. As it is, you’re worn out and not at your best to care for him. I wish you blessings as you move forward
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