My grandpa is 93 and I’ve never had a good relationship with him. It’s been very hard to talk to him sometimes because he lectures me (always) and has straight up disrespected my dead father’s name. He was an A**hole when he was alive.
He was living with my aunt so she was the caregiver and he was falling a lot from the bathroom so he wanted a new senior shower installed. We all questioned it and I thought to myself if he gets this something is gone happen to him and sure enough he got the tub, and fell. This time he broke his shoulder.
Ever since he broke his shoulder he was declining. He couldn’t walk without assistance which meant diapers and he was getting agitated with that and depressed because he couldn’t do the things he used to do. Finally last week he started having hallucinations at night and sometimes during the day. It’s very out of character for him because at 92 he was sharp as ever. We just thought it was dementia. But he woke up crying one morning and I felt a little bit badly for him. He kept telling my aunt that he wanted to die. I think he was scared.
On Monday he was coughing up phlegm and then my mom told him to go lie down and when she went to go check on him he stopped breathing. They called ems and started compressions and the ems were able to revive him. Now he’s in ICU and he’s unconscious on a ventilator
I have so many regrets right now. He was so hard to deal with and a constant nag always complaining but I should’ve talked to him more. It’s so hard for me to see him like this in bed… I can’t bring myself to be there every day. I told myself I would but I can’t.
What should I do? I know there’s not much I can do now.
I heard that the last thing to go is hearing so I told him to wait for my sister and his other grandson to come see him before he goes. I told him about 3-4x. I hope he understood me.
I am having grief anger frustration guilt and everything. It’s so hard to deal with this, I can’t imagine how my aunt feels because she was the caregiver for him. She told me she wants him to know she did everything she could.
I just don’t know.
My siblings and I had no relationship with our grandparents. My youngest brother was 5 when our GF passed, me 17. He visited the house every so often but did not make over us. Either did my Gma. I remember no kisses or hugs. Just a lady who kept cookies in the cookie jar. They both had their favorites. Gma, the oldest grandson living in the same town. My grandfather, his favorite daughter's daughter. My mothers parents were gone. So, its kind of we never missed what we didn't have.
I was divorced at one time and had a child by that marriage. Her father chose to see her on a Friday for 2 hrs. My DH adopted her and thats when Bio father chose to walk away even though He was told he could still see her. I think he blamed her for the adoption. I was told, though, that its up to the parent to seek a relationship with the child, not to expect a child to do it. So, your grandfather should have nurtured a relationship with his grandchildren. He didn't so that was his loss. I did not miss either of my grands because there was nothing to miss.
That isn't the case. You didn't cause who granddad was, and you couldn't have fixed it. He had human limitations, and human history perhaps, that created his inadequacies. And despite them he was cared for.
It you want, visit granddad wherever he is now and have an honest conversation with him. Tell him you are sorry the end was tough. Tell him you had so many wishes he could have been better and understand how limited he was. Tell him you wish things had been different and better, for him, for you, for everyone. Your last word? "Granddad. Thanks for the lessons you gave me for my life."
Then tell granddad goodbye, take what lessons you learned from him to create a family of partner, children, friends and give them/receive FROM them, loving care.