Do any of you have a live in caregiver in your parent's home?
My mom has been in memory care since spring, but I'm contemplating hiring a close friend who has been a caregiver for many years to live in my mom's home to take care of her. My mom is moderate severe in her dementia. She is able to feed herself, walk, and is still sociable. She is incontinent and is beginning to fall though. She fell in the spring and again this month. She was very sore, but no broken bones.
I'm not sure if this is a good idea because I know mom's dementia will get worse, but my sibling would prefer for her to be at home. My mother is doing a lot better physically and socially than her counterparts at memory care. It bothers me a little because she doesn't have anyone to talk with, but it doesn't seem to bother her. She keeps herself busy.
It also bothers me a little that the caregivers have too many people to take care of, the ratio is 1 to 6. It seems like they have to hurry to keep up with all the residents, and sometimes don't have time to change mom or get her teeth in. I have to go ahead of time to get her ready before any friends come to visit because she might not have her teeth in.
I wonder sometimes what my mom would have wanted for herself, and know she wouldn't want my sibling and I to be stressing. We both have young families. I'm afraid moving mom home might be more stressful to deal with bills, taxes, insurance, paperwork, moving, and what if it doesn't work and have to move her back to memory care again.
What do you think? Have you ever had to make the decision between selling your parents home, and moving to memory care, or keeping them at home and hiring a live in caregiver? If you have hired a private live in caregiver, who do you go to to do the paperwork? Or, would it be best to keep mom where she is in memory care so everything is already taken care of especially for when she progresses?
Thank you for any advice!
Moving your mom back home is an unknown.....and to depend on 24/7 permanent private care is precarious at best. Also, with dementia being progressive, you would most probably need to move her back at some point. As MsMadge suggested.....hire a companion to visit with her a few days a week to ease whatever loneliness you think she might be experiencing. If that doesn't work, then nothing is lost....whereas a move would be an upheaval and could impact her dementia. Decisions concerning our LO's is not for the faint of heart.....best of luck with this one.
* No stairs
* Large bathroom for a wheelchair or other equipment? NO lip on the shower that she would have to step over or that you could not roll a shower chair into?
* No carpeting?
*No thresholds to get over going between rooms?
* Wide halls and wide doorways?
Just a few things to consider there are plenty others.
Are you ready to loose a friend?
How long will she work?
Who will care for your Mom when she is off? You can not expect someone to work 24/7/365 with no break.
You do not say how old your Mom is nor any other physical problems but this could go on for 5, 8, 10 years is your friend ready to commit to that? And are you willing to maintain the house for that length of time as well.
You will still have property taxes as well as all the household expenses (include added insurance for your friend in case she is injured, because she will get injured).
Personally I would leave her in Memory Care. She is with staff that is trained, she is in a facility that is set up for proper care.
If your friend wants to do something for you, and get paid, have her run all the errands you would have to do, bring Mom to the Dr, get any shopping done that she needs stop in for a visit on a few days you can't make it in.
Live-in would become mom's employee. Taxes, Medicare, disability, all deductions would need to be paid for caregiver by mom. You would need a caregiver agreement prepared by an elder law attorney. You would need an accountant or payroll service to take care of salary. There is also consideration needed to labor law. Will caregiver be 24/7 or will there be three shifts of caregivers to provide breaks for the live-in?
If you were to use an agency, that would require three shifts of caregivers, 40 hours a week times three, 120 hours at $20.00 an hour or more. $2,400.00 a week plus expense of being in home with utilities, etc? Excess of $12,000.00 a month, easily.
Then a friendship that could be lost. Never hire a friend. She will not, necessarily, do things the way you want, then what? Or mom, with dementia, could decide she hates this woman. Leave mom where she is. 6:1 ratio is very good.
mom has been in memory care for 3 1/2 years - she is no longer mobile and while I would prefer she be comfortable at home, I know it isn't possible
wheelchair wouldn't fit
no way to shower her
caregivers get sick, have their own family emergencies etc
with dementia, things only get worse, so you will need a plan beyond just the near term especially around mobility and incontinance
6 to 1 is a very good ratio
i have private caregivers with mom in the facility
if mom has funds, maybe you can find someone to spend some time with her at the facility and provide those extra touches that staff can't
To be honest, since Mom is doing so well at the facility, I would hesitate to uproot her. Even though the care ratio is 1-6 ( which truthfully isn’t that bad), there is staff on duty all the time. Moving from place to place, even back to a familiar home, can be confusing and upsetting.