I came across this forum, and found many useful threads.
My question isn’t urgent.
How to explain?
I (I’m sure it applies to most of us) am constantly nervous, stressed, worried. (I’m a calm person generally).
I worry about the next message/phone call/emergency.
It’s hard to totally relax, switch off.
I care for my elderly mother. I’m an only child. We don’t live together. She has live-in carers in her house.
The major problem is falling.
The house is as safe as it can be. As we all know, not all falls can be prevented.
It’s very difficult for me to focus on my work (constant worry).
It’s not possible to prevent all the accidents.
I can try to switch off and say to myself: I’ve tried my best; I now need a mental break, even if accidents happen (I hope not); switch off my phone for some days.
Of course I continue to care. I just need to switch off a while.
(The reality is that when I help, together with the carers, my mother will get much better care at the hospital - when there’s an emergency. I speak with the doctors, etc. If I disappear from my phone some days, and she must go to the hospital, the carers will do their best, but it won’t be as good as if I help out).
How do others manage the stress/worry, when you’ve already created the best possible, safest environment (nothing more to improve)?
Thank you very much, in advance! Really.
Repeating BarbBrooklyn's words I just read: "You don't raise up a child to be your servant; you raise them up to go out into the world and pave their way."
Where can I get your book, Venting? I want more chapters.
I have a bed alarm and a baby monitor that I carry with me everywhere I go at home so when she gets up, I can get to her and try to prevent a fall. This in itself is a chain. Stressful.
At night when I hear her voice call me when I'm sleeping soundly, it's like an electric jolt. I literally experience adrenaline rushes as I get out of the bed. Stressful and unhealthy.
My stomach stays in knots waiting for the next issue to arise, and it's always something with a 95 yo frail person.
So there are days when I literally think I can't continue. Some days I just gut it out. With the help of the Lord - my faith - and determination to keep the promise that I made to her years ago when I had no idea what would it would entail, I carry on.
There's lots of advice to take care of ourselves, and I do the best I can. But when you are caring - and in some ways living - for two people (myself and my mother), someone is going to get the short end of the stick.
There just isn't any way to care for an elderly or disabled LO without experiencing any stress and it takes its toll. Peace and (((hugs))) and blessings.
"Peace and (((hugs))) and blessings."
To you too, of course!
"My stomach stays in knots waiting for the next issue to arise, and it's always something with a 95 yo frail person."
EXACTLY.
"There just isn't any way to care for an elderly or disabled LO without experiencing any stress and it takes its toll."
So true. But we must find a way.
Our mothers don't want us to be destroyed. (Some mothers do).
"someone is going to get the short end of the stick."
Please - and I'm saying it to me too, to everyone - please don't take the short end. There must be a way. We weren't placed on Earth to be sacrificed: I think then we've misunderstood life.
HUG.