I took care of my mother (very ill) and her husband with dementia for years and the last three were horrific. I begged and begged for help from anyone and everyone. I finally got him to his daughter and my mother into a facility. She passed in January. I thought "I can get on with my life soon". Nope. Breast cancer. I couldn't get checked (I tried) when I first found the lump because every appointment day there was another crisis and I would have to cancel. I now am in their home that HAS to be cleaned out and sold and I get nothing. No insurance nothing. And now I have nowhere to go, no one to help me during treatment so I'm not going to. My question is... does anyone know of a place to call for help or a place to go other than a nursing home? I don't need that yet. If I had help while being treated I might consider it but without help, all alone how does that work? I was abandoned by all of my "so-called friends" while caring for my mother because I couldn't ever keep plans or even really make plans. So, NO ONE.
You can hire a person to be your Power Of Attorney. An Elder Law Attorney can help you put it together so that someone is always looking after you while you're fighting the good fight or putting your affairs in office.
Hospice is also a solution, read on! https://hospicefoundation.org
Is it that there is a mortgage on it and it’s delinquent to the point that it’s been foreclosed on? Did it have a reverse mortgage? if it’s either of these, those are pretty ironclad so house has to vacated.
Or Is it that the home was owned by your mom and her husband and it’s his % ownership (him or his daughter) is wanting the house sold? If it’s this you need to defend the terms of your mothers will (even if she was on LTC Medicaid as that is a different issue although interrelated).
or
Are you thinking you have to leave as you got a Notice of Intent or other correspondence from the State or an outside contractor for state Medicaid that the house is an asset of moms estate that has a Medicaid bill. If it’s this, there is a whole process to Estate recovery that is required to be done. If step dad was co-owner, he will have to be involved in the process as well. If you are the heir as per a valid will to your moms estate and are yourself low income, will be homeless if not for this home or were a full time caregiver for them, you should file for an exclusion to recovery. There is going to be a probono legal clinics for the Permian Basin area, try calling SafePlace of PB 432-522-7201 or Legal Aid of NwTx 432-332-1207 to speak with someone to find out options on having to leave that house if possible.
When I read your post I was shocked because I could have written myself right down to the age. Almost everything for me was the same. I just logged in here for the first time and the first thing I saw was your post.
I do not know what state you live in. I would be happy to talk with you. If you like, answer me back and maybe we can talk. Or maybe you can post specifically what is the very most important thing right now on your mind to do.
I don't know how this works but my heart when out to you because I have so been there. There is guidance in the BC community. You are very right and very brave to post so first off, give yourself some kindness and praise right away.
I'll check back here soon. I don't always check posts/e-mails right away but I'll remember to check here.
Best wishes,
Jessica
Day Surgery??? I just said, NO, I live alone. I want some heavy-duty pain medication after the surgery (injections).
Talked again to my doctor. He said he would hospitalize me and I could stay as long as I felt the need. I said I have no insurance. He said don't worry about that now. You'll find a way later on. First things first. (He was right...but that's another story)
I had the mastectomies and stayed two nights in the hospital. Actually, that's all the time I needed. I had no one to stay with me at home, although a friend offered (she could spend one night).
I had pain pills. Another friend brought food. But actually I didn't need much and was glad to be in my own bed. The pain was not as bad as expected. I had 2 "drains", one on either side of my chest that I had to empty 2-3 times a day from the little plastic bulbs on either side. Have someone at the hospital show you how to do this. It's not hard! And you will be able to get around fairly easily. A friend drove me to the doctor for dressing changes.
Believe me, you won't need a nursing home. And these days you are probably safer and much more comfortable in your own home than the hospital (I've worked in hospitals for many years, and have been a patient recently enough to know).
Just don't make a secret of your surgery (if needed) and your treatment. If you have chemo, you may wear scarves or head gear, so everybody will know, anyhow. And you may be surprised at the people who will offer you help! Take advantage of this. Folks feel good about themselves when they can help "a cancer patient", especially.
Ask for and accept any prayers you are offered. Mine will be among them. Medical folks are getting better and better at cancer diagnosis and treatment. God bless you and give you hope and strength.
phone 📞 1-877-GOKOMEN or
1-877-465-6636. G-d bless & HUGS 🤗
I agree with the poster who said to just pick out a few sentimental mementos and walk away from the house and let somebody else deal with it since it will provide you no benefit to clean it out & sell it.
Best of luck whatever you decide.
Most importantly is the advice given by SSAretired (SSA is Social Security Administration) which I cut and paste here: SSAretired tells why you must call TODAY:
”Call Social Security today to make an appointment for SSD/SSI at 1-800-772-1213. The date that you make the appointment is considered your application date, so it is essential that you call in February or you lose a month’s worth of benefits. SSA is backed up, so your actual appointment won’t be for several weeks, so move forward with your treatment plans in the meantime. From your posting, I am guessing that you have mental health issues, and those issues should be included in the information that you provide to SSA. FYI, even if you have not been working, you can be entitled to SSI benefits as a disabled individual.”
Monday is 28 February 2022, the last day of February. You MUST get logged in to their application system by 28th at latest since benefits will be retroactive to the month in which you applied. You will gain a whole month of retroactive benefits by phoning on or before Monday the 28th.
Do it, dear Tumbleweed4242, we are all pulling for you!
Death by Breast Cancer is no walk in the park, it is painful and debilitating. I had several girlfriends die that way. Please, get help. You didn't say what "stage" you are in, but there is hope with a lot of the new therapies they have today.
I too am a Breast Cancer survivor. I did try to get help and was told that it was benign until it dimpled and was in one of my lymph nodes and a third one (I called it a baby) was near the original cancer. This was in 1982, 40 years ago. I didn't lose my hair, I was sick, but I worked the entire time.
You can always PM me if you want. I don't know much about help out there, because 40 years ago it wasn't available and I had insurance and a job.
I made more friends during cancer treatment than ever before. The I.V. chemo was given in a room with other patients, usually the same group each time. We had nothing to do as the IV's were given but relax in lounge chairs, chat, compare notes and tell crazy jokes about cancer and other things. It was like an unstructured group therapy. I was almost sorry when the weeks of chemo were done, But fortunately, a few of us stayed in touch, compared our progress and became permanent telephone buddies.
My postman, whom I'd hardly talked to before, insisted on hand delivering my mail. He also insisted on taking me to a cancer survivors "rally" he knew of. Neighbors stopped by to check on me and offer help. I suddenly had all sorts of new friends.!
Today, the survival rate for breast cancer is good. I won't guarantee any pleasant aspects of surgery, chemo or radiation (All of which I survived fairly well). But don't assume you won't do well or that there will be no "up side" to the whole experience. You may well gain a whole new outllook on your life as well as get the help you need to take care of (or dispose of) the house. Again, you have my best wishes and prayers.
I am 68 and am in my 11th year of fighting Hodgkin's lymphoma. It feels good to get just the kitchen clean. I can handle the rest. I spent some of my retirement money to renovate the bathroom to help with my lost mobility. Figure that I will die before I need it.
Don't hesitate to ask for help with the yard. People are really wonderful an willing to do what they can.
Take care of yourself.
Liz
https://giftsofhopetx.org
https://www.lawinfo.com/conservatorships/texas/midland/
https://www.texascancer.info/scripts/mgwns.html?MGWLPN=TCDC&PgmName=JCsup10&Cid=Y001
1. Some churches have ministries that offer help to the sick and the elderly.
2. Facebook has some good support groups for people who have cancer. The people in the group might have some advice.
There are lots of organizations that support people with cancer. Have you called the American Cancer Society?
https://www.cancer.org/involved/donate.html