I’d like to bring mom home from nursing home.

Ok I suggest you do not take her home. My husband suffered a massive stroke 11 years ago, he was in a nursing home for 3 years because after the stroke I was in shock and grief and did not know what to do. I took him out of the nursing home after 3 years and brought him home, I thought he would live maybe another 3 years and would be better off at home well it is now 11 years and I have no life, no job, I had a 6 figure salary job now I clean shit at 3 am. Some days, like today I want him to die or I want me to die because I feel I can't take it 1 more day. This is not for the faint at heart, I am a strong woman but this is hell, I think a concentration camp would be easier, at least not 11 years worth of hell. You think you can do this but love is not enough, this job is physical, emotional it zapz the life from you...keep her put, visit daily, become friends with the staff at the nursing home, take her out when you can for a ride in the car, to her favorite park, diner, etc...but you go home and get some sleep. Good luck.

Regarding social security income, those questions may be best directed to an Accountant or Elder Law Attorney to see if/how it will impact a future Aged Care placement.

Regarding a waiting period for an Aged Care placement - I would be touring your local ones, identify a shortlist & ask them directly.

Finding out how a facility works, how quickly (or not) any admission process is, if private pay is required initially may indeed give you what you need for good long term plans.

Your Home (Plan A) then as smooth as possible transition into Care (Plan B) if/as you need it.

Crises planning is always possible (Plan C) but if you can avoid, do so.

Somehow I must have known something. I didn't answer this question, and all can attest, it is rare that I don't make some response to a question.

I think that no one on this Forum was rude to you, ruthman, and I think few members of the Forum are bitter. You don't know us well. Give us a bit of time before you label us.

I hesitated to answer this simply because my answer would have reflected my own choices, what I have seen through a long career as an RN and as a family member, and because it seemed to me that you truly were thinking this all out already. That you understood at the start that, indeed, this may not work. It may not even bring happiness.

Here's the thing. I worked my entire career as an RN and I loved it.
As you may guess, unless we choose labor/delivery or peds, most of us deal, as RNs with the elderly. Most other patients are out before we can care for them. As much as I loved my career I did learn early on how much of an absolute WIPE OUT it is to care for the elderly. I knew I could never for a single moment take on 24/7 care for an elder of mine no matter how much love I had. I had 12 ill days, 12 holidays and five weeks vacation. I worked three 12 hour shifts a week. And I KNEW my limitations very well.

Speaking of love? When your loved ones come into your home they very quickly move from being Mom or Dad to being the one cared for, the one who is needy, the one who is losing everything. And the daughter? She isn't that anymore. She is the caregiver. The decider.
Yes, it can make you bitter. And it can destroy relationships.
But more than that, it can make you mentally and/or physically ill and it can KILL you. We have seen that.

I take you as an adult, perfectly capable of making your own decision in this matter.
But this I would beg you. Be honest with your Mother from the beginning. Tell her your feelings that 24/7 care in your home may not work for you, for your hubby or for her, and if ONE is unhappy, then the situation needs to change, and she needs to move into a situation where she is cared for by caregivers, and you can visit, and return to being a daughter only, not the "decider." Not the "caregiver".

I trust you to make what you feel is the best decision for yourself and for your husband and for your mother. I trust you to change things if this doesn't work.

I find that children of the elderly come to feel responsible for their happiness. Let me ask you, ruthman? Is life at any age about happiness?
At what point in all her life did your mother not have moments of unhappiness and uncertainty? That is life. A child isn't responsible for the parent's happiness, cannot be made so, cannot take that on.
So don't ask happiness of all this. That's magical thinking. There is no "happiness" in aging to speak of. It's about loss. It's about preparing to let go of life. Contentment? Perhaps. But there will be pain, loss and anquish aplenty, enough to turn the sweetest tea to cold and bitter.

I wish you luck.
And the fact is that is how I end almost EVERY SINGLE response I write on AC. Because, guess what? I truly do wish the OPs luck.
I don't much worry myself about being considered "nice". In fact I think we often do much more good by shaking things up, getting people to think outside the boxes they have themselves so neatly packed away into. I feel they are adults who come with questions. We will answer. They are free to take or leave our advice wholly or piecemeal.
I hope you will update us. Both on your decision and how it all goes for you. That's what the Forum is all about. You, if you take all this on? You will be an expert pretty quick. Because it's a steep learning curve.

I am very happy with all I learned helping my brother at the end of his life, being his Trustee and his POA. I ended proud of him, proud of myself. But, wow. It was one terrifying ride, no matter how much I learned.

Ruthman, you asked questions about your own personal locations and financial details, to complete strangers who don’t have that information. You could have realised that strangers couldn’t provide answers to your personal factual situation. In fact the right authorities to ask might well have been obvious, if you thought about it.

You have been offensive to people who made other suggestions, based on their own experience. I hope that you do better with in-home care than so many other people, and wonder whether you, your mother and your husband will all enjoy the learning experience. I won’t wish you luck, because that’s another thing that makes you cross.

My Rude Aunt was considered a goner by her doctors seven years ago. She is now 101. Just sayin', be prepared for the caregiving journey to be much longer than you ever expected. (Fortunately, since Rude Aunt is so rude, I am not her caregiver.)

I moved my mother from one facility to another. She initially was on a wait list. I desperately wanted her in this other facility. I always spoke to the director with great respect regarding their facility. I was not given an exact timeline. I kept in touch but made sure I was not becoming a nag. I was asked after a certain period of time if I would be alright if she was initially moved to a room on the rehab wing until a room opened up in the long term section. I said certainly. She was on the wait list for a few months and as soon as there was an opening I sprang into action to move her.

No one can possibly tell you how long a wait might be but you might get a vibe from the director. Alot depends upon the area you are in,cost of the facility,number of people in the area who are able to meet that cost. You won't want to likely hear this but I will say that 26 hours per week is not alot of help although perhaps you will manage well. We don't know you. When people here wish you well they truly mean it as most have suffered greatly dealing with aging parents.

You ask about social security payments yet don't mention where her payments are presently going. It might be easier if we knew that. My late mother's went into her bank account but completely went to Medicare. There are different scenarios such as what I mentioned or whether her payments are presently going to the facility she is in to pay for her care.

I will say that it may not be a good sign if she has been on a list for a long time with no opening. Perhaps you could ask your contact person at your chosen facility if they could level with you a bit more regarding that. It would also help if you provide information regarding where her social security payments are presently going.

I was a liaison for 5 years with Home Health & Hospice. There are so many factors. #1 is that your Mom is already in the Nursing Home, and seems like she has been for over a year. It means that she is "custodial" care level at nursing home. I don't know how that is being paid, but it's wonderful if it is being covered by Soc Sec/MediCare/&MediCaid combined. That is a gift, if that's the case.
If she is discharged and brought into a home environment for a period of time. ----- When the time comes for placement again, things could be different. A hospital stay of 3 overnights might be required, among other things.
In California, there are Board and Cares sometimes referred to as RCFE. Residential Care Facilities for the Elderly. The cost is about $3500 per month. There are only 5 or 6 patients, it is a regular house in a neighborhood. I'm not sure about the hoyer lift, though. My sister has different medical issues, but we have been pleased with her being a patient at a Board n Care for the past 15 months.
I guess what I'm saying, there is a lot to consider when you take a look long term. The Case Manager at the Nursing Home, or the Social Worker, or my 1st choice would be to meet with the Medical Director of the nursing home and get a medical opinion about discharging to home.

This post is from Feb 2024. The OP has not responded since Feb 18. Also has only this one post.