I’m living with and caring for my elderly grandmother who is in her late 90’s. This evening she really became angry and was crying the moment I walked in the door. She was critical of me because I didn’t immediately take her where she wanted ( I had just walked in the door from work and hadn’t even sat my purse down!) and she began crying and carrying on that I treat her ‘so bad’. This was after I came home during my lunch hour to bring her newspapers and to check on her. THEN I was the sweetest granddaughter (her words). But for the life of me I can’t do enough for her! I cook, clean, shop, garden, make sure she has everything she needs, and run the household. She can be so kind and considerate at times and then just turn on me and I feel like a little girl again and get my feelings hurt. I have a serious health issue (heart related) that I have worked hard to overcome and don’t want my heath to suffer again. I just want some advice as to how to avoid the emotional fallout that I experience when she gets mean and ugly with me. Thank you in advance.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=vasnp81x63E
On your profile you mention a heart condition for your GM.
The sundowners is usually considered to be a sign of dementia. Sometimes symptoms of dementia come from a UTI. If you can get her tested for that, you might find that’s the problem. It’s a simple pee test. Ask that it be cultured so that you get the correct antibiotic. Get her a probiotic, Vit D and make sure her Bs are tested. Dehydration can also cause mood problems.
About yourself. Your GM Is in her late 90s. Many live to 100 these days. Not too many make it to 110 but some do. I have an aunt who is 104 and still doing quite well. Her daughter, not so much.
So take extreme care of yourself. Maybe you don’t come straight home from work. Maybe you take a walk first. Maybe a mindful meditation class right after work. A swim or just a few minutes sitting in your car listening to a little music or relaxing your body.
Give yourself a few instructions on how to respond to whatever you find when you walk in the door.
If you are like most of us, you plan to see it through.
Give yourself some checkpoints on when and under what circumstances you might decide to bring in extra help or hospice or long term care. It’s a measure of comfort to know that when we get to a certain. Juncture we have a plan.
You sound like you are doing a great job.
It makes sense it would be sundowners and I need to be in tune to that. Our evenings are usually quiet and calm but she suffers from short term memory loss and forgets the good things that happen during the day. Thanks for the support! I’ll read up on sundowners.
And I’ll work on not getting so emotional when she lashes out.
I do try and leave the room and that seems to help. She often gets over it. But not tonight. When I returned she starts in again and I want to plead my side of the story to her! I need to stop this behavior on my part of engaging her.
I’m sorry about your mom. It is shocking to hear these things. We do everything we can for them and we do it with love and kindness so when it isn’t returned it’s hurtful.