I may be a step-mom but I’m a full fledged wife of 35 years. Hubby diagnosed w/Alzheimer’s, moderate-severe. Step kids run right over me.
We have lived 35 years in same moderate house, paid it off, saved money by not going on holidays etc. Live on fixed retirement pension income. With the prospect of memory care looming I’m very worried about affording such high monthly expenses. If I become disabled, (probable blindness) I’ll need assisted care, too. We plan on staying in our house and growing old together for as long as possible. His kids are all very well off and live across the county, with spouses and grandchildren of their own. Son is attorney and wrote hubby’s Will leaving me nothing but money I brought to marriage and a reduced pension check. I could not afford to live in assisted housing but not eligible for Medicaid as pension recipient.
I want hubby to write a new Will leaving his wife (me) the remainder of his estate after bills are paid. Am I wrong? Kids have never lived with us and have never contributed to our cost of living in any way shape or form.
Hubby is in 80’s and I’m in 70’s. Both have excellent health except for Alzheimer’s and glaucoma and osteoporosis. Longevity on both sides (Mom is 101 and living at home).
I don’t want a 5 year legal battle over what’s left of our savings when the end comes.
Suggestions?
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There honestly is no other answer now, particularly with step kids planning away with a Lawyer already IN the family. You say there is excellent health "except for Alzheimer's and glaucoma and osteoporosis". Quite honestly, that not excellent health. You need good guidance now, and may need to make a Fiduciary your POA to handle finances, division of finances if one needs care before the other, and protection of assets for the two of you.
I'm curious what you and your husband discussed when this will that son in law wrote was made. Was there a conversation about what you might get?
Were your own earnings lessened by marrying him? What are your SS benefits likely to be (both your own and spousal benefits).
WWW.Bogleheads.org is a grea place for financial advice.
ABSOLUTELY NOT!!
DH fought me on this for years, until I simply called a lawyer I knew and trusted and started the paperwork. Long story short, I made it happen, and when we sat down to finalize everything, DH reluctantly agreed it was better to NOT use our out of state son---he's a little bulldog, not very nice, and I didn't want him to know all the ins and outs of our business. He lives 1000 miles away and pretty much has no clue what goes on in our day-to-day. He'd drive his sisters crazy if he were executor and/or had handled the will. My OD is executor, 2nd OD is 2nd in line. Son doesn't have anything to say or do about our wants and wishes. It's best this way.
We're set up to live independently, as long as possible, but neither of us have 'longevity' in the genes. He is a liver transplant recipient and I just beat cancer. If I get 20 more years, it will be a miracle. DH probably has 15 or less.
Our lawyer asked if we wanted to A: live comfortably on our own or B: leave the 5 kids a very nice chunk of change.
Duh. We opted to take care of us. IF there is anything left over, the kids will know what to do, as per the will.
IMHO, NOBODY should 'expect' an inheritance. Did you earn that money? If not, you're not entitled to anything.
Even with his'n'hers families--I don't know. each case is different and the dynamics should be addressed in a will/trust.
No matter how a will is written, somebody will be mad, that's a for sure.
Son HAS done the wills for his wife's family--they are mixed with plenty of divorces to go around. Nobody has died yet, but he fears the hot mess that will ensue when they do.
Undue influence: You can move to have the will declared invalid if your attorney proves in court that it was procured by undue influence. Undue influence usually involves someone who occupies a position of trust, such as an adult child, who is manipulating the vulnerable person to leave all, or most, property to the manipulator instead of to those who would have been expected to receive it i.e. you, the wife of 35 years. In other words, the will accomplishes the manipulator’s goals rather than the goals of the will-maker.
Improperly executed wills: A will must be dated and signed in the presence of at least two adult witnesses, who also signed the will. In most states, the witnesses cannot be people who are named to inherit property under the will. Who witnessed your husband's will?
Who did your husband list as the beneficiary on his investments such as savings accounts, retirement plans, life insurance, etc.?
You need to ask an attorney a lot of questions. Before taking your husband along with you to an attorney, I think it would be wise for you to have your own personal consultation considering what your stepson did, which I find appalling BTW.
Beyond that, I wonder how much influence he may have exerted over your husband. And, I assume this was your husband's Will and not a joint will by the two of you? If this is true, do you have your own Will, and other end of life documents?
If this is in fact your husband's desire, I too would get a will done, ASAP, just to be on the safe side. And you don't need to consult your husband before you do this.
I agree with Alva on the issue of health; glaucoma can be a real threat to independence as well as care issues.
But I would confront your husband before doing anything, just to assess his position and know where you stand.
There's another possibility and that's that your husband may need care before you do. If his Will stands, and he's firm that he won't provide more for you, I'd think not twice but just once on whether or not I'd stay in the marriage and provide free care for him.
Do you have children from your marriage, besides those from his other marriage?
If so, there's a question of the validity of the Will.
When was he D'X'ed with Alzheimer's? Before or after the Will was made?