My mom is 87 and is under the care of a temporary guardian. The past year my mom has accused me of stealing many things from her house. She actually hired a lawyer (under the influence of my sister) and has threatened to sue me. This guardian now is asking me if I would be willing to take a night shift to save my mother money. My wife and I were the primary care givers for 18 months until we couldn't take the accusations anymore. Now mom pays for the 24 hour care. Also the guardian has asked for help around the house - fixing things. When I come over there to fix things - mom gets upset that things in her house need to be fixed. Am I crazy for not wanting to go over to my mom's house alone or being put in this position of fixing things for her?
What I am getting to is - I have had to create hard boundaries- for myself. I do not go over to the facility unless it is to take them to doctors appointments, to deliver supplies or unless I am in the presence of my husband. If I am alone with them- I now voice record all visits on my phone. Sometimes it is good to listen to them .....you learn a lot about yourself and how you respond ( sometimes it brings to your attention how you can improve on your response). Our emotions are worn down. We (I speak in terms of all of us who are taking care of parents) never thought we would be in this position. Our lives have been turned upside down never to be the same again. This forum allows us to see we aren't alone and to vent - as you have. You are not crazy! You have to take care of yourself, set healthy boundaries and don't feel guilty.
I say - if finances allow - hire someone reputable that can come in and repair the things your mom needs fixed - as she needs it. Then bill you. If you are under threat of suit for theft and in the same breath you are being asked to spend the night to care for your mom - I would not do this unless I had cameras up protecting me. Recording every moment of every day that I am there. Siblings can do things you would never believe they would do. Personally, I would say - stay away- if she is requiring that kind of care - can the family afford an AL facility or qualify for Medicaid?
This is one reason my in-laws moved to an AL facility - they were not able to keep their house repaired, they needed a caregiver at least 12 hours a day. Safety, security. Medications. Nutrition. When we added it up -financially we were paying for an AL facility. So it was an obvious move. It was the best thing that has ever happened to them - they are healthier than ever!
I would also protect yourself with a visit to an attorney, just to have a legal ear.
sounds like your sister and the guardian are just waiting for when your mother passes and then the house gets sold. Let them work it out
Good luck!
And that is an option that the guardian can implement for their ward’s benefit.
:D
Check with your lawyer, and ask if it would be better to withdraw your application for guardianship in the face of continued accusations.
So sorry that your Mother's best interests will be lost in this fight.
They have told you what they feel by threatening you with a lawsuit, believe them and run, don't walk the other way.
Send mom cards and little gifts of love but only visit when you know you can not be falsely accused. We live in a society that accusations ruin lives, don't let yourself be another victim to this psychosis.
Don't do it...
One of mine tried to take me to court but I had that covered WAAAAAAAY before they even thought about it! House sat for a so called friend one time, a neighbor accused me of doing drugs in the house... turned out to be the owners drugs... never did that again! An acquaintance of a friend warn me of assisting with an Alz patient, I was a very close friend because family lived about an hour away... I was setting up the move to a MC facility... then I was warned... family accused me of stealing due to Alz persons inability to remember... I had saved receipts... backed off just in time!
Blessings
hgnhgn
hgnhgn
Even if you were right now rolling around on the ground guffawing like a hysterical buffalo, I would still not agree that you were crazy.
I am gobsmacked that anyone has the gall to expect you to expose yourself to further accusations and heartbreak in order to save other people money and trouble.
Maintain social contact with your mother in ways that completely insulate you from any conceivable suspicion - visit her in the presence of the guardian, send her cards and flowers, whatever is a nice thing to do that can't possibly open up more cans of worms.
And maybe later, when this phase of your mother's dementia has passed, in the fullness of time; if there are other ways you can help you can reconsider on an ad hoc basis whether you want to. But now? As things are?
They have got to be kidding.
I read your past posts, and you and your wife did way too much for this woman (and your wife stayed at the house for 15 hours at a time to take care of her???).
Tell the guardian NO to "taking a night shift" to save your mother money. Don't wade back into the muck!
Based upon what you wrote, I would not be going over to her house or if I did not without someone to be able to witness. I'm certainly not saying you're doing the things you're being accused of btw. But you need to protect yourself.
At this point, given the accusations and the threat of a suit, I would take action to prevent anything further that could be used against you.