I just dropped my husband off for respite care. I feel like I've abandoned him. Did I do the right thing?

Imho, you required respite else you fall faint and ill and are good to no one. Prayers sent.

Wow, lots of guilt tripping today. Caregiver burnout is a real threat. Everyone needs a break from it, or you stand the chance of a health risk yourself. The ones you don’t take a break aren’t doing themselves any favors. Their systems are overloaded, and they power through, which puts them at risk for all kinds of major medical incidents. Sure, some will get through it, seemingly unscathed. But there is always damage from that kind of stress and the duration.

Enjoy your time away. You know he is safe and fed and cared for. Those are the important things. So tuck it away and go relax and recharge, because your normal life will begin again far too soon.

SP, how are you feeling now that it is the 5th night? Have you been able to relax and think about you and do what you want? Sleep better? I know all of those things were hard. It is a complete shifting of gears and just take time to recuperate.

Do you want to bring him home? Do you want to leave him where he is? That would be ok, and I know I would just feel like running away. There is nothing harder than making the best decision for you when you have the dedication that you obviously do, then add to it the guilt.

If you are dreading bringing him home, DON'T. He will be ok with the pros caring for him, and you would be able to visit as you want to. A completely different dynamic.

Short answer: yes. When I first brought in home helpers for my mom, she was not happy and I felt bad. You have to just pretend you're the mom dropping her child off at day care for the first time. You make sure everything is OK, then you grit your teeth and walk out the door without looking back. Then enjoy your respite time. You actually might both benefit from the break in the long run. Good luck!

I’m so sorry that he did not receive the best care. You did the right thing by reporting it.

It’s sad that facilitates are shorthanded. When my mom was in rehab after a fall there were issues. Some issues are caused by not having enough employees. They work double shifts all the time! They work very hard. It’s a tough job!

I did the same as you. I reported it. First I called the pharmacy that we use because it involved meds.

The nurse over medicated mom. She didn’t want to go back to mom’s room later so she decided to give mom a double dose of her Parkinson’s meds.

So when I called the pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist she was the one who told me that I had an obligation to report it because she said that she was most likely doing it to other residents too.

I asked if a double dose would hurt mom. She said, “Probably not if it only happened once but it would be a problem on a continuing basis.”

My mom is sharp! No dementia, so immediately mom told the nurse that she only took one pill. The nurse’s response floored me! She told mom, “It won’t hurt you and I don’t want to make another trip back later.” Mom is of that era that nurses and doctors know best so she took it but was uncomfortable doing so and told me about it as soon as I went to see her the next day.

It is true that we have to check up on family members in a nursing home. I went just about everyday. I did not report minor things but things like meds are important. You bet I reported it!

As a respite situation you can’t be there and you were only gone for five days. Mom was there a longer period of time for rehab.

I was pleased in how the director of nursing and the social worker handled mom’s issues with the staff. Mom did not have the issue occur again. The nurse did admit it. She was written up. I did not want her to lose her job.

Yes, laundry get screwed up. I did my mom’s laundry because she is particular about her clothes and didn’t want them to get lost.

Even with signs that I was doing her laundry they took her clothes to launder and lost some of them. I went to the wash area myself and found the blouses.

They shared a bathroom with other residents and the aide told her to use the same cup to rinse her mouth with after brushing her teeth. Yuck! That is just gross. I brought mom a stack of cups.

The meds issue is what I was very displeased with because that was potentially dangerous.

The end of life facility that my brother was in for hospice was completely different. They were wonderful in every aspect. We were there everyday. That makes a huge difference!

I don’t think people should feel guilty if they don’t wish to be there daily though. Some people can’t do it.

Are facilities perfect? No. Are some very bad? Yes. One that my dad was in for rehab was actually shut down by the state! They were horrible. I hated that place.

The place my godmother was in was pretty bad too. Lots of theft. She had Alzheimers plus macular degeneration and went blind. She would be dressed in rags that were too large for her because her beautiful clothes which were labeled with her name were stolen. She was covered in bruises because she was blind with dementia and was scared and would fight them. They would fight her back. So sad.

We don’t have high ratings here in Louisiana for homes. Still, some are good, at least decent and others are so bad they get shut down by the state.

Look at all your options when selecting a place. Talk to others who have used that facility. That’s about all you can do because you need a break occasionally. It’s important that you don’t burn out.

Best wishes to you and your family.