I discovered by accident the other day that there is a 50 year old man from India living with my 87 year old mother. Mom, who lives in California just visited my house in North Carolina over Christmas and kept secret from me the fact that this man was living in her house. Until I discovered the other night when I called my mother heard a man in the room. Now she tells me that a 50 year old man moved in with her 3 months after my father died at 92 in April 2021. This man has been living with her since July secretly, helping her with "things". And my mother refuses to tell me 1) His Name. 2) Provide Identification... and 3) what her plans are with him for the future. So I am left with an unknown man living with my 87 year old mother and now the situation has estranged me from my mom. I am about to call the local Sheriffs Dept or FBI Elder abuse to find out who is living in my 87 year old mother's house 3000 miles away. I am very concerned that she has lied about it. -She was just in my house over Christmas and mentioned nothing about this unknown person. When my wife and I brought it to her attention tonight, Mom became very defensive and hostile. She refused to provide this man's name. As of this moment there is an unknown man from overseas, approx 50 years old living with my 87 year old recently widowed mother. I have no idea who he is. -And she is verbally abusive and hostile to anything I say about it. I'm about to call the local Sheriffs Dept and FBI Elder Abuse hotline. What should I do?
At most they will do a welfare check. I think you need to go on your own, or ask a friend who lives closer. Does she have any friends you trust to check?
She's verbally abusive and hostile because they're probably in a relationship. Granted, he's probably using and scamming her for money.
My father got himself in a similar situation when he was your mom's age with a much younger woman. She was a criminal and scamming him. Once they moved in together and he put some things in her name, he saw her true colors. Only he didn't know how to get rid of her and he was living in abuse and too ashamed to tell anyone.
Talk to your mom and just tell her that you're not prying into her business. If she doesn't want to explain this man she lives with, she doesn't have to. But make sure she knows that if she's in trouble and living in a bad situation you will help her. Then wait and see what she does.