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I've done background checks, there isn't any relation between these people that I can find. I think this guy is trying to scam her. He says he has power of attorney but hasn't produced it after being asked several times. What can I do?
Depending on where you live... There is a process in caring for the elderly or someone who is not capable of caring for themselves. If you are not a family member and she is not capable of making decisions for herself, you will need to be appointed as her Guardian. This is a long process and they do background checks on you. You also will be required to do training and will have to do quarterly reports. This will keep her and you safe. If this person keeps insisting on coming over or threatens you in anyway you are to call the police each and every time. Call the area on Aging, or AARP free lawyer services and tell them what is going on. You need to involve the court system ASAP. If these people are family they should have no problem proving it through a legal mediator. Your job is to protect her from all harm. If she were my mother I would appreciate someone who cared enough to want to make sure she will be safe. God is watching, do the right thing. Protect your friend, but do it legally.
Who is "they" in they took POA when she was in the hospital. Where were you? She has dementia and someone allowed her to complete a new POA? "They visited her in hospital?
For all who are saying I've been vague in my post I'm sorry . Things are no better today . I received a call from this man demanding to know how I found out where they took her upon her release from the hospital. The answer was simple . The care center called me because these ppl didn't have the answers to some of the questions they have about my friend I've been caring for. I have reported all this to the police . I'm waiting for someone to come speak to me about it all now. Mean while this guy is now saying he will call the police and adult protective services on me . I told him to do that because I've nothing to hide. But I don't understand why he won't let me see a copy of this POA he says he has. I would definitely be thankful and have no problem showing this to the person who has been looking after my mother . His logic makes zero sense to me. I will keep every one posted as things move forward.
No one can come in due to the stay-at-home orders.
I hesitate to imagine any more answers for you, Kevever. Your post has remained vague, and basically, as a caregiver, you have no rights to keep this woman from her family.
You have not explained if there is more of a relationship between the two of you, how you are being paid by her, and if you are 'in charge' of her finances. As a caregiver, you could be just 'let go' by 'they', whoever 'they' are, with power of attorney.
Do you have a vested interest in keeping things as they are, because you are a 'live-in' caregiver?
Would it be at all possible for you to take a different tack and attempt to facilitate a relationship with this lady's family? If they are family?
"They" might be feeling suspicious of your presence also.
However, if I ever required protection from wayward family, it would be nice to have someone like you as the gatekeeper.
Does she know him...or rather...did she know him by name when he arrived? Does she have any pictures of a son? Does she have any family that you can call or did she hire you on her own?
Until he can prove who he is, notify the police. Ask them to give him a no trespass until his relationship is sorted out. The police may be able to run his record for you to determine who he is. Surely, he has a birth certificate that would show her name on it.If he does produce a power of attorney, I would find out who wrote it up and/or witnessed it. If police won't do any digging for you, call adult protective services and ask them to help you verify who he is. This needs to be cleared up quickly.
Kevever, who is the they that changed the emergency contact at the hospital to them instead of you?
This would indicate that "they" were able to provide legal proof to the hospital. Have you asked for a copy since it affects your long standpoint as the emergency contact?
The man I help, Richard, has a "daughter" who is no relation. His first wife gave up a baby girl for adoption before she ever met Richard, 18 years later "Shelly" shows up, stating she tracked her mom down and wants a relationship. Richard is the kind of guy that will give you not only his shirt but his wallet, pants and even underwear if you asked. He accepted shelly and now 20 years on, his first wife passed due to brain cancer, but shelly still calls him, her kids call him "Papa Richard" and to all intents and purposes she is treated the same as his adopted son, two biological sons, and the stepson from his second marriage. It could be there is some sort of tenuous connection of that sort. Still, be very wary of this guy. Get Adult services in on it.
Do you work private for her or through an agency? If an agency, tell them immediately what is happening. Contact the person who pays you. Does lady have her marbles?Did he have keys to house or did he ring bell & you let him in without knowing who he was? Does the lady recognize him? Can you take a picture of him (at door if you didn’t let him in) & ask lady if she knows who he is? I would call police if you are suspicious about a scam. You can also contact Elder abuse agency. (APS)...Don’t ignore this...it stinks from a snake... Hugs 🤗
I I would immediately call the Bureau of aging and contact them and tell them the situation this guy is liable to go and get a power of attorney and does not even know this lady good luck
I think I would go to the police and voice your concerns; I would go to the local Office on Aging in your county and ask for help; and I think I would contact an attorney. This sounds very bad to me - you need help at once. Are there other family members you can talk to. Does this woman have a lot of assets? Who is in charge of her now? Who is her POA (other than what he says she is). No proof - something is very, very wrong. What is your relationship to her. Please seek help at once. I speak from experience of many years ago when I had a problem with someone who was "allegedly" helping my friend but it turned into a nightmare. Be very careful.
I'd question the POA even if he can produce it. I have POA for my mom. I haven't had to use it, but I called the attorney who set it up with her trust, to ask for a copy, and he drafted a new one. It's exactly the same but the forms have changed since she set it up. He said that even though the old one is perfectly legit, I'd have hard time getting anyone to honor a document from 2008.
I would contact the area agency on Aging and speak to the protective services division. Tell them the situation and ask how to protect your client from financial abuse. Does your client have any legal documents regarding a power of attorney, advance directives, etc.? If not, is she capable of executing these documents? Your client is lucky to have an upstanding person in you as her caregiver!
Call the State Troopers. Tell them u don't feel local police are taking the problem seriously.
In a reply you said "they don't care about her well being, or what's best for her. " Does this woman have family? If so, wouldn't they know about an estranged son? And what gives them the right to make changes in hospital forms. Does someone have POA besides "this son" who claims he does.
You may have to get a restraining order against this man. Then the Court will ask him to prove who he is. Adoption was mentioned. When a child is adopted, the parents give up their rights. In my daughters papers, besides her Dad giving up rights, she also does too. She cannot go and make a claim against her biological father's estate. So what I am saying is this man would have no claims against this woman.
I hope you have proof of this woman's signature. He could always get a false POA. Would not be hard. She would have signed it. Has to be witnessed and notarized. That notary has to see proof the woman is who she says she is and see her in person. There should be a notary stamp with their info on it.
Joann.....the OP is in California and calling the California highway patrol is a waste of time. We don’t have state troopers like other states. We have the highway patrol. And this situation isn’t something they would handle and it’s not their jurisdiction. You don’t call the highway patrol when the local police are unable to take the action you want. Not how it’s done here. And the OP cannot get a restraining order against this man based on the facts given. California doesn’t just hand them to out to anyone who asks. It’s also just a piece of paper. It’s not the solution most of you think it is.
I am surprised no one has mentioned this. Of course notify the police and while the police are present, say "so glad to see you" I have a number of bills that need to be paid for her, can I give them to you? See how quickly this guy disappears.
I would not bother with the DNA test that is way to complicated. If he is legitimately her son, it will be his responsibility to prove this. And by the way, does your "friend" recognize him?
On another note, you did not adequately describe your relationship with this person. Sometimes doing a good deed gets us in over our head. This might be the case here.
If this woman needs to go to the hospital again I would let the social worker at the hospital know your concern. She or he would know how to take the issue on. They are very careful regarding the hippa law and would want to see proof that they had the right to share information with him. Because of their liability in the matter they would do their due diligence. The same if he takes her to the doctor. If they cannot obtain the required documents from him, tell them your concern and ask them to call the police for you. You will likely get more response that way.
Also, if this woman has a will..contact the lawyer that drew up the will. The lawyer had an in-depth conversation with the woman at the time and she may have brought up the son or the lawyer may have notes in the file about the son.
I also agree about calling Adult Protective Services. Do that first.
A DNA test for each will show blood relation. Even if he is related to her, and indeed they did have a falling out, she can still exclude him from the will, but must include a statement in the will that specifically says that she is purposefully omitting them, or she could leave a tiny amount, like $1, to demonstrate her intent. An elder/estate attorney can advise. If she gave him up for adoption after birth, for example, some states will make available to the adoptee their pre-adoption documentation. Your original question doesn't explain what her reaction is to this. Your trip to the elder law attorney should also include some discussion of your contract with this client. This should all be transparent and legal.
Why would she have given him POA 25 yrs ago if they didn't even get along. This is very fishy. I wouldn't let him near her unless he can produce official paperwork that you can verify. I would call Adult Protective Services and ask for advice on how to handle this. I am almost afraid to ask this question...does she have any paperwork in order at all? Directives...a will? How are you taking care of her without POA? When she was hospitalized, who was making decisions for her? Sorry I have more questions than answers.
Call the local authorities and let them know the situation. Let "the guy" know that if he shows up without proper authorization, you will call the police. Either he will bring proper documentation that the authorities can verify for you... or he will stop coming since he knows the authorities - and you - are on to him.
He’ll need to prove to the police and state that he has POA and is her son. It’s not about providing you with proof. Get law enforcement involved immediately. 5 years is a long time to never know that he existed.
Find an elder care lawyer who can give a free consultation and tell him what is happening. I believe it's a scam too. If he was a long lost son, he would be eager to produce supporting documents. Has he asked about her finances? Does he want to move in?
It is possible his story is true about a falling out, BUT he may be coming around out of entitlement. My brother legally disowned our mother. Falling out because him/wife wanted to take over when my mother turned 70 and my dad passed. No contact until she was 85 and then they claim God told them to call. I found out after she passed they were calling for her to make it right by my brother with $$$. At 70 mom left him out of will. I asked for nothing and let her live her life. She was mentally sharp until her sudden death a few years later.
Do you know where the woman was living when this son would have been born? She could order a birth certificate.
Who is "they" in they took POA when she was in the hospital. Where were you? She has dementia and someone allowed her to complete a new POA? "They visited her in hospital?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You need to involve the court system ASAP. If these people are family they should have no problem proving it through a legal mediator. Your job is to protect her from all harm. If she were my mother I would appreciate someone who cared enough to want to make sure she will be safe. God is watching, do the right thing. Protect your friend, but do it legally.
Mean while this guy is now saying he will call the police and adult protective services on me . I told him to do that because I've nothing to hide. But I don't understand why he won't let me see a copy of this POA he says he has. I would definitely be thankful and have no problem showing this to the person who has been looking after my mother . His logic makes zero sense to me.
I will keep every one posted as things move forward.
Do everyone a favor and answer by posting a comment for all to see an update.
By posting only under "Reply", it is very time consuming to research to see if you had replied at all. It is a learning curve for all of us.
Would like an update, please. Do you still need help?
Are you okay? Are you still here?
Did the stranger go away?
I hesitate to imagine any more answers for you, Kevever. Your post has remained vague, and basically, as a caregiver, you have no
rights to keep this woman from her family.
You have not explained if there is more of a relationship between the two of you, how you are being paid by her, and if you are 'in charge' of her finances. As a caregiver, you could be just 'let go' by 'they', whoever 'they' are, with power of attorney.
Do you have a vested interest in keeping things as they are, because you are a 'live-in' caregiver?
Would it be at all possible for you to take a different tack and attempt to facilitate a relationship with this lady's family? If they are family?
"They" might be feeling suspicious of your presence also.
However, if I ever required protection from wayward family, it would be nice to have someone like you as the gatekeeper.
Until he can prove who he is, notify the police. Ask them to give him a no trespass until his relationship is sorted out. The police may be able to run his record for you to determine who he is. Surely, he has a birth certificate that would show her name on it.If he does produce a power of attorney, I would find out who wrote it up and/or witnessed it. If police won't do any digging for you, call adult protective services and ask them to help you verify who he is. This needs to be cleared up quickly.
This would indicate that "they" were able to provide legal proof to the hospital. Have you asked for a copy since it affects your long standpoint as the emergency contact?
Hugs 🤗
God bless!!
In a reply you said "they don't care about her well being, or what's best for her. " Does this woman have family? If so, wouldn't they know about an estranged son? And what gives them the right to make changes in hospital forms. Does someone have POA besides "this son" who claims he does.
You may have to get a restraining order against this man. Then the Court will ask him to prove who he is. Adoption was mentioned. When a child is adopted, the parents give up their rights. In my daughters papers, besides her Dad giving up rights, she also does too. She cannot go and make a claim against her biological father's estate. So what I am saying is this man would have no claims against this woman.
I hope you have proof of this woman's signature. He could always get a false POA. Would not be hard. She would have signed it. Has to be witnessed and notarized. That notary has to see proof the woman is who she says she is and see her in person. There should be a notary stamp with their info on it.
on the facts given. California doesn’t just hand them to out to anyone who asks. It’s also just a piece of paper. It’s not the solution most of you think it is.
I would not bother with the DNA test that is way to complicated. If he is legitimately her son, it will be his responsibility to prove this. And by the way, does your "friend" recognize him?
On another note, you did not adequately describe your relationship with this person. Sometimes doing a good deed gets us in over our head. This might be the case here.
Also, if this woman has a will..contact the lawyer that drew up the will. The lawyer had an in-depth conversation with the woman at the time and she may have brought up the son or the lawyer may have notes in the file about the son.
I also agree about calling Adult Protective Services. Do that first.
Who is "they" in they took POA when she was in the hospital. Where were you? She has dementia and someone allowed her to complete a new POA? "They visited her in hospital?